


The Voice

by glitter_glitch



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anakin Skywalker Doesn't Turn to the Dark Side, Anakin Skywalker Gets a Hug, Anakin Skywalker Leaves the Jedi Order, Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Anakin Skywalker, Bittersweet, Canon Divergence - Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, Character Death, Child Leia Organa, Child Luke Skywalker, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff, Gen, Hurt Obi-Wan Kenobi, Hurt/Comfort, Little Luke and Leia are Cute as Hell, Mace Windu is a Jerk, Mystery, Nightmares, Obi-Wan Kenobi Gets a Hug, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Permanent Injury, Plot Twists, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Anakin Skywalker, Psychological Horror, Suicidal Thoughts, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:55:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 18
Words: 39,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23768836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glitter_glitch/pseuds/glitter_glitch
Summary: Darkness. Endless and absolute, stretching in all directions. Colder than the void between galaxies. In the darkness, a cacophony of creepy, discordant sounds. And voices. Distant, echoing and impossible to understand. Another voice cackled right next to Obi-Wan's ear, making him jump.This one was different from all of the others. It was loud and crystal clear. And something about it just felt… wrong.~A different kind of ROTS AU. Sidious is dead, Anakin didn't fall, and the Republic won the war. Life is good, for a while… at least until Obi-Wan starts having some disturbing visions. There will be a TON of angst and H/C. Also some mystery, fluff and plot twists.Warning: At one point, this story will get seriously dark, angsty, heartbreaking, and every synonym of that. So read at your own risk ;)
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 246
Kudos: 459





	1. Victory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Palpatine is defeated, but not without a price. Angst ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After my first story, which was pretty dark, I wanted to do something different this time. A simple, heartwarming story, about how it would be if everything went right… Yeah, just kidding.
> 
> There will be many heartwarming moments in this story, but… there will be a few DARK ones, too.
> 
> Beta read by FloatingFoxtrot.

The Supreme Chancellor's formerly luxurious office was almost unrecognizable. The wide window was shattered, many of the ornamental statues broken. The air was thick with the smell of ozone and burned flesh; the red carpet covered in broken glass, corpses and severed limbs.

Out of the twelve Jedi who had arrived to confront Darth Sidious, only four were still alive. The rest of them were already lying dead on the floor; some of their bodies missing heads and limbs, others twisted into grotesque positions. The large room was alight with dancing flashes of blue, green and red.

Darth Sidious stepped over Saesee Tiin's corpse and swung his crimson blade in a wide arc, separating Agen Kolar's right hand and head from his body with a single strike. The Jedi Master's severed head rolled across the carpeted floor, an expression of surprise still on its face. Only the last three Jedi were left now. Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi and the Nautolan Jedi Master Kit Fisto.

Palpatine raised his hands, cackling madly; the shattered glass rose into the air and flew towards the last three enemies like a shimmering, deadly curtain. Obi-Wan dove behind one of the low chairs, dragging Anakin down with him. Kit Fisto tried to use the Force to shield himself, but he was standing too close to Palpatine to react in time. Countless shards of glass pierced his chest, arms and neck. Palpatine didn't bother to finish him off. He was going to bleed out in a few seconds anyway.

Anakin and Obi-Wan leapt back to their feet, attacking Sidious as one.

Such a pity, Sidious thought, admiring the sheer power and fury behind Skywalker's blows. The boy would have been an excellent apprentice; if not for the meddling of another person in this room, who was soon going to die, slowly and painfully. Skywalker would have to die, too; at this point, it was clear that the boy had no intentions of joining him. It was a waste, but one Sidious could live with. The boy would have been a valuable servant, but nothing more than that.

The battle was becoming more and more intense by the second, forcing Sidious to focus on here and now. When the fight started, it was almost laughably easy; these twelve pathetic bastards who came to arrest him were very far from the best the Order had to offer. They were very clearly not used to fighting as a group against a single opponent. It was ridiculously easy for Sidious to keep side-stepping, moving across the room and occasionally leaping over the Jedi's heads, making them constantly get in each other's way. He cut through them like butter.

It was almost sad, really. The best fighters of the Order were all far away, fighting pointless battles on remote planets; exactly where the Supreme Chancellor Palpatine had sent them. One did not become the most powerful being in the galaxy by leaving things to chance, after all.

But now that only Skywalker and Kenobi remained, and they no longer had to worry about colliding with the other idiots, the fight was unexpectedly becoming actually dangerous. They never got into each other's way, not even once. In fact, they worked together with disturbing efficiency. They almost always attacked at the same time, forcing Sidious to twist his blade into awkward positions to block both of their strikes at once.

That was enough, Sidious decided. Play time was over. It was time to end this.

Skywalker and Kenobi made yet another of those annoying simultaneous attacks; to his horror, Sidious realized that it was physically impossible to move his blade fast enough to block both strikes at once. He had to use the Force to just barely stop Kenobi's blade mere centimeters from his face.

That had been _entirely_ too close.

And before Sidious could regain his balance, Skywalker hurled a large, heavy statue at his head. The sheer power behind the throw was frightening. Only a desperate whirl to the side saved the Sith Lord from getting his neck broken right there and then.

For the first time since the fight began, Darth Sidious realized that he was sweating heavily, and not only because of the physical exertion. These clowns might – just possibly – actually be able to _beat_ him.

Sidious leapt over their heads, landing on the opposite side of the office in a desperate attempt to regain his composure. The situation looked dire, but he still had one last trick up his sleeve. Nothing leveled the playing field like a quick burst of Force lightning-

But that would require a moment of concentration, and Skywalker and Kenobi just refused to give him that. They were all over him, raining blows upon him so fast that he no longer even dared to attack; all he could was block while almost running backwards to avoid being hit.

Sidious's back touched something unexpected – a wall. Merely blocking their attacks had taken up so much of Sidious's concentration the he didn't even realize that they had been pushing him into a corner.

Skywalker and Kenobi attacked him as one again, impossibly fast; Sidious only barely blocked Kenobi's stab aimed at his head, and brought his blade down to deflect Skywalker's low strike at his legs-

A split second too late.

Skywalker's blade didn't connect with the blade of Sidious's lightsaber. It connected with the hilt. The red blade winked out of existence, and the two halves of what used to be Sidious's lightsaber tumbled to the floor.

Sidious found himself standing with his back pressed against a wall, cornered and disarmed, with two shimmering blades pointed at his neck.

This was _not_ going according to the plan.

"It's over, _Chancellor_." Kenobi said coldly. The tip of his lightsaber hovered uncomfortably close to Palpatine's neck. "You have lost. Surrender now, or die."

Breathing heavily, drenched in sweat, Darth Sidious considered this for a moment.

"I surrender." He said finally.

He slowly raised his hands into the air-

And a blinding storm of lightning erupted from his fingertips, blasting Skywalker and Kenobi in the chest before they could react. They both fell to the floor, crying out in pain. Sidious made sure Skywalker got the worst of it.

The lightning stopped. Kenobi was back on feet his first, lifting his lightsaber for a killing blow. But before he could do it, an invisible hand closed around his neck and lifted him in the air. He clawed at his neck, his eyes wide, an expression of pain and fear on his face. His lightsaber fell out of his hands and landed on the carpet with a muffled thud.

Sidious's mouth twisted into a sick grin. He had to thank his late apprentice, Dooku, for giving him that idea. Probably the only useful thing that fool had ever done.

But Sidious wasn't going to repeat Dooku's mistake. He called Master Fisto's lightsaber into his hand, leapt forward and stabbed Kenobi in the chest.

"No…!" Skywalker gasped. He was still lying on the floor, incapacitated by the lightning. Sidious could have easily killed him right there and then, but he didn't. Where would be the fun in that? The horrified expression on the boy's face was just too satisfying. _Oh yes, my dear would-be apprentice. This is what you get for ruining my plans._

Sidious let Kenobi's limp body fall to the ground. He wasn't dead, not yet; Sidious had intentionally missed his heart, to make sure he didn't die immediately. The injury was still fatal, but it wasn't going to be quick, or painless. Oh, no. Kenobi would have to enjoy a few truly agonizing minutes before he died. A small punishment for interfering with Sidious's plans.

Skywalker pushed himself back to his feet and attacked Sidious with a terrifying scream, hacking and slashing wildly, driving him back. He no longer seemed to care about his own defense or safety; all that mattered was to hurt Sidious as much he could…

Once again, Darth Sidious regretted what he had to do. Such power, such raw, magnificent _anger_ … The boy was half Sith already, and he didn't even know it. He would have been _perfect_. What a pity.

Sidious was tempted to let Skywalker live long enough to watch Kenobi die, but it was too risky. Now that the boy was finally beginning to discover the full power of his fury, he was becoming _dangerous_. His technique was still sloppy at best, but the power behind every single one of his strikes was terrifying. Sidious no longer dared to block Skywalker's blows; he could only redirect them to the side.

And there was no telling what the other Jedi were up to. There could be a whole battalion of Jedi and clones on their way to kill Sidious, right now. If anyone in the Order had any brains at all, they could even try to blow up the whole building. That's what Sidious would do in their position.

He had to kill the boy and issue Order 66 as soon as possible.

* * *

Obi-Wan opened his eyes, finding himself lying half on his side, on the floor of Palpatine's office. The pain was white-hot and horrifying, much worse than anything he had ever felt before; it made it hard to even breathe. He tried to get back up, but it was instantly clear that it wasn't happening. He barely even had the strength to stay conscious, and even that was becoming worryingly difficult. Anakin was on his own.

The situation was eerily similar to the fight on Naboo thirteen years ago. Where Obi-Wan could do nothing but stand uselessly, trapped behind a force field, unable to help Qui-Gon. Just as he was unable to help Anakin now.

Another torrent of lightning shot out of Palpatine's fingertips, even more powerful than the first. This time, Anakin was ready, holding his blade in front of him in a powerful two-handed block-

The blast knocked the lightsaber out of Anakin's hands and made it _explode_ into a thousand pieces. Obi-Wan had no idea that such a thing was even possible. Anakin screamed and collapsed to the floor as the full power of the lightning hit him in the chest.

The lightning stopped and Sidious lunged forward with a vicious snarl, raising Kit Fisto's blade for the kill.

But Obi-Wan wasn't completely helpless, not yet. He couldn't move and most likely had only minutes left to live, but he still had the Force. He reached out and threw Sidious backwards with every bit of strength he had still left, all of it. The invisible shockwave flung the Sith Lord across half of the room and slammed him against a wall hard enough to crack it.

"Anakin!"

Obi-Wan grabbed his own lightsaber and threw it to his former Padawan. Anakin gave him a small grateful nod before turning back to face Sidious, who was already back on his feet. The battle resumed with doubled brutality.

For the first time in his life, Obi-Wan truly realized how skillful his former Padawan had become over the past three years. He'd never seen anyone fight like that. Anakin's power in the Force, as well as his sheer physical strength, was simply frightening. Obi-Wan could only thank the Force that Sidious's twisted plan for Anakin had failed.

Palpatine swung his lightsaber in a powerful two-handed blow, laughing maniacally, aiming for Anakin's neck. Anakin lifted his own blade to block…

And deactivated his lightsaber at the very last moment, dropping to one knee. The red blade flew over his head harmlessly, close enough to singe the ends of his hair. And before Sidious could stop the momentum of his swing, Anakin reactivated his lightsaber-

Right through Sidious's heart.

Time itself seemed to stop as Sidious slowly looked down at the shimmering blade sticking out of his chest, then back at Anakin with an expression of shock. Then his face twisted into a grimace of absolute hatred. He raised his hands, blue sparks appearing at his fingertips, determined to take Anakin with him in his final moments. But Anakin remembered his training too well. Without hesitation, not even the tiniest pause to savor his victory, he leapt to his feet and cut off Palpatine's head.

The Sith Lord's lifeless body crumpled to the ground, followed by his head.

It was over.

For a few seconds, Anakin just stood still, breathing heavily, staring at the defeated Sith at his feet. As if he couldn't quite believe his eyes. Then he deactivated the lightsaber and ran to Obi-Wan.

"Oh god." Anakin gasped as knelt down next to Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan almost laughed; something about his former Padawan's reaction was almost funny, in a dark, morbid way. Until now, Obi-Wan hadn't been entirely sure how bad it was, but Anakin's reaction pretty much answered _that_ question.

"All right. Uhh. I'm going to call the Temple, they should be here in a few minutes." Anakin said, fumbling with his comlink. His voice and hands were shaking badly. "You're going to be fine. Just hold on, all right?"

Obi-Wan only gave him a faint, sad smile. Anakin had to know that it was too late for that. It was becoming _really_ hard to breathe, Obi-Wan noticed with alarm. He tried to take deeper breaths, but it made no difference. It felt as if all oxygen had suddenly disappeared from the room. Black dots started to appear in his vision. Dimly, he could hear Anakin saying something, probably talking to someone on the comlink. Obi-Wan blinked a few times, trying to clear his vision, but it didn't help.

Anakin set the comlink down and lightly touched Obi-Wan's shoulder. "They're on their way, Master. Just… stay with me, please…" Anakin trailed off, his eyes widening in horror. Maybe he noticed how much Obi-Wan was struggling to breathe, or perhaps he could sense it in the Force.

"No…" Anakin whispered.

Obi-Wan tried to fight it, to stay awake, but he couldn't. The dark spots before his eyes were growing, and there was a ringing in his ears, getting louder. He couldn't breathe… Force, he couldn't breathe… he could feel the air going in and out, but it wasn't _doing_ anything… no… _no_ …

Obi-Wan caught a fleeting glimpse of Anakin's face. He'd never seen such pain and fear in someone's eyes before. No… he couldn't let it end like this. He had to at least say something.

"Anakin…" Obi-Wan managed to whisper between desperate gasps for breath.

"No, don't talk. Save your strength." Anakin whispered. A single tear fell from his eyes and rolled down his cheek.

Obi-Wan only shook his head. No. It was too late for that. There was so much he wanted to say, but there was no time. He had to choose his next words carefully, since they were very likely going to be his last.

"Anakin…" Obi-Wan said, lightly brushing his fingers against his former Padawan's cheek, wiping the tear away. Just like Qui-Gon had done, thirteen years ago. "I'm… so proud of you."

And that was it; that was all he was able to say. Just in time, too. The roar in his ears became deafening, and his vision went completely black. The last thing he heard was Anakin's terrified voice calling his name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, he's not dead. I'm not a complete monster ;) Originally, the end wasn't supposed to be so dramatic. I got a bit carried away and well, I just couldn't bring myself to delete all of that sweet angst :)  
> Please R&R!


	2. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of the kudos, comments and bookmarks!! Glad you like it :)

_"It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end… because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing… this shadow. Even darkness must pass."_

_\- J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings_

* * *

Some undeterminable time later, Obi-Wan woke up. He was lying on something warm and soft, and there was light shining through his closed eyelids, bright and warm. It felt like every single part of his body hurt, but at least he could breathe again. For a while, he just lay completely still, breathing deeply, enjoying the feeling of blissfully cool air moving in and out of his lungs. It felt wonderful.

Someone's hand touched his shoulder, very gently. Its fingers were cold as ice. Metallic.

"Hey." Anakin's quiet voice said. "Can you hear me?"

Obi-Wan's eyelids felt heavy as lead, but he forced himself to open his eyes anyway. He regretted it immediately. The lights on the ceiling were blinding, _painful_ , like a million tiny daggers stabbing into his eyes. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to shield his face with his hand, but Anakin grabbed his wrist quickly.

"Yeah, I wouldn't do that if I were you. You'll rip that tube of your arm again, like you did yesterday. Looked like a kriffing murder scene. Blood everywhere."

There was a soft click, and the lights dimmed significantly.

"Better?" Anakin asked.

Obi-Wan nodded thankfully.

He tried opening his eyes again, much more carefully this time. It _was_ better, a lot. The room looked very blurry, but instantly and unpleasantly familiar. He would recognize those blinding white transparisteel walls anywhere. The Healer's Ward in the Jedi Temple. Oh dear. What did he do to end up here _this_ time?

"Hey." Obi-Wan managed to whisper, smiling weakly.

"Hello, Master. Thank the Force you're finally awake. Don't you dare to _ever_ scare me like that again, all right?"

Anakin was smiling, and his tone was light-hearted, but he looked… shaken. The circles under his eyes were even darker than usual, as if he hadn't slept for days. Whatever happened, it must have been bad.

"I'll try… my best." Obi-Wan whispered, even though he still had no idea what happened. He remembered… pain, and feeling like he couldn't breathe, but nothing more.

He tried to organize his thoughts, but without success. His mind felt foggy, fragmented; it was extremely difficult to focus on anything. A single, disconnected memory floated through his mind. A fleeting image of Chancellor Palpatine, a red lightsaber in his hand, pure evil radiating from his yellow eyes. And then it felt like a dam broke open, releasing a dizzying flood of unpleasant memories.

* * *

_The Council meeting was over. Obi-Wan was walking towards his private quarters in the Temple when Anakin came running after him, pleading… no, begging him to not go to Utapau. Obi-Wan's quarters were nearby; they went there for some privacy. The conversation was long and difficult, but in the end, Anakin finally broke down and told him about everything. About his wife, the secret wedding on Naboo, about the unborn child…_

_And the visions he had about Padme's death in childbirth._

_He also apologized for his outburst in the Council meeting earlier. He didn't care about the title of Jedi Master, not really. But only Masters had access to the restricted section of the Archives, which could contain some information that could help him save Padme. That was why he'd lost his temper earlier._

_At that point, Anakin was almost in tears, shaking, and apologizing over and over. For breaking the Code, for keeping secrets and lying, for embarrassing both Obi-Wan and himself in front of the Council, for everything…_

_"_ _Anakin, that's enough."_

_Anakin flinched, as if Obi-Wan hit him, and went silent. He stared at the floor, blinking back tears that threatened to start falling._

_Seeing his former student in so much pain made Obi-Wan's heart ache. With a sigh, he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Anakin, who started sobbing uncontrollably._

_"_ _I- don't- understand-" Anakin managed to say between sobs, his voice shaking so badly that Obi-Wan could barely understand him. "You're- not- mad at me?"_

 _"_ _No. I will admit that I'm a bit hurt that you didn't tell me about you and Padme earlier. I hope you know that I would have never ratted you out to the Council. But I'm not mad at you, Anakin. I want to help you. All right?"_

_That being said, Obi-Wan doubted that he could help Anakin save Padme. He didn't know of any Jedi in history who managed to stop their visions from coming true. In fact, sometimes it was their attempts to prevent the vision from happening that caused it to come true. But perhaps they could still save the child. And he refused to let Anakin deal with the loss of Padme alone._

_"_ _Thank- you." Anakin breathed out. He was shaking uncontrollably, clutching the back of Obi-Wan's robes like a lifeline. "Will you- stay here? On Coruscant? Please…"_

 _"_ _I will, Anakin. I promise."_

 _"_ _But… the Council-"_

 _"…_ _will just have to send someone else. And one more thing, Anakin. You know that you don't_ need _to be a Master to access the restricted section of the Archives, right?"_

 _"_ _But… only the Masters know the access code…"_

 _"_ _Yes, that's a terrible problem." Obi-Wan said, with a small hint of a smile. "If only there was someone you could ask. The code's 75337. But I didn't tell you that."_

 _"_ _Thank you, Master." Anakin said in quiet, shaky voice. "Thank you so much."_

* * *

_Convincing the Council to send someone else to Utapau wasn't easy, but in the end, Obi-Wan succeeded. Mostly by being even more stubborn than they were. Mace Windu called him a coward afterwards, but Obi-Wan could live with that. Something was telling him that this… this was important. That if he left now, he would regret it for the rest of his life._

_Anakin never told him what he was looking for in the Archives, but it hardly mattered, anyway. Whatever Anakin was looking for, he admitted that he didn't find it. That wasn't much of a surprise. The Archives didn't contain any great secrets; no dark, forbidden knowledge. Most of the contents of the restricted section was just various security protocols for the Temple, the main beacon, security recordings, and other mundane things like that._

_Only a few days later, Anakin burst into Obi-Wan's quarters, shaking and pale as death, as if he'd just seen a ghost. He tried to say something, but his voice was shaking too badly to speak. Obi-Wan gently led him to a chair, made him sit down and just… breathe, for a few moments. It took all of his self-discipline to keep himself from panicking as well. Anakin looked as if he was about to collapse. What horrifying thing could have possibly frightened him so much?_

_After a few minutes, Anakin finally regained some semblance of control over himself. A small bit of color returned to his face. And then, at last, he managed to say it. Only three short sentences, but enough to change everything._

Palpatine is Sidious. The Chancellor is the Sith Lord. Obi-Wan, please… you have to believe me.

_The following moments were a nightmarish blur. They both ran to the Council Chamber as fast as they could, while Obi-Wan called all of the Council members for an emergency meeting. But most Council members were off-planet and too busy with their battles to answer. Almost as if Palpatine had planned it that way._

_And the few who were still on Coruscant didn't believe Anakin, not at first. It took a lot of precious time to convince them, but in the end, Anakin succeeded. They agreed to send a few Masters to arrest the Chancellor, or kill him, if necessary – but only four. It was Obi-Wan who convinced them to send more. They couldn't afford to take any chances._

_Less than half of an hour after Darth Sidious revealed himself, twelve Jedi entered Palpatine's public office; Anakin, Obi-Wan, all other Council members who were on Coruscant, and several other experienced Masters. But Sidious was much more powerful than they expected. Mere minutes later, only Anakin and Obi-Wan were still alive, and only Anakin was still able to fight. And just as Obi-Wan was convinced that all was lost… Anakin did it, somehow. His wonderful, powerful Padawan. He won the battle, just like the Prophecy predicted. It was over._

* * *

And that last part reminded Obi-Wan of something he really needed to ask.

"Anakin… how the kriff am I still alive?"

"Well, for someone who doesn't believe in luck, Master, you sure have a lot of it. When that bastard stabbed you, he missed your heart by millimeters. I don't know if it was on accident, or if he wanted to make you suffer longer, but it saved your life. A tiny bit to the left, and we wouldn't be having this conversation." Anakin said, and then winced a little. "Sorry. I shouldn't have phrased it like… that."

Obi-Wan smiled. "It's all right."

He was alive. That's all that mattered.

Something about Anakin looked… different, Obi-Wan noticed. He looked pale and exhausted, as if he hadn't slept for days, but that wasn't it. It was something else. But his Obi-Wan's mind was still too foggy to figure out what it was. He decided that he would get back to it later.

"So what did I miss?" Obi-Wan asked.

"Oh, not much." Anakin said, smiling widely. "Only the fact the General Grievous was killed two standard days ago, those cowardly Separatists surrendered pretty quickly after that, and Bail Organa was elected as the new Chancellor. Nothing interesting."

"Oh." Obi-Wan said, surprised. That was a lot of things to happen in… wait, how long had he been out?

"Only a few days, actually." Anakin said, with a small smile. "Is that what you were about to ask?"

Obi-Wan nodded.

"I know." Anakin said. "I can hardly believe it myself, how quickly it all happened. Maybe the Force is not a complete monster after all. Sometimes. Occasionally."

"Hmm." Obi-Wan said. He didn't have the energy for a longer answer. His eyes drifted closed, against his will. He wanted to tell Anakin that he wasn't falling asleep, merely resting his eyes, but that also seemed like far too much effort right now…

And then his eyes flew open as he suddenly remembered something. All traces of sleepiness were gone instantly. Oh, Force… the visions… no…

"Anakin… how is Senator Amidala?" Obi-Wan asked, dreading the worst.

But Anakin only smiled, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Hey. Relax. She's fine. She had a healthy boy, just yesterday. You… you were right. About everything. _He_ was one who put the visions in my head. And I can't believe I almost fell for it."

"But you didn't. That's what matters." Obi-Wan said. "You never would have."

Anakin gave him a strange look, as if he was going to say something, but then he changed his mind.

"Anyway, congratulations." Obi-Wan said, smiling. "What did you name him?"

"Luke. Padme was the one who picked it, actually. It means light in Old Corellian."

"I like it." Obi-Wan said. He was about to ask if the boy was Force sensitive, although he already suspected that he was, and how the Council reacted to all of that, when…

He froze. He finally realized what about Anakin looked wrong. He was still dressed in all black, his preferred color, but his clothes… they weren't Jedi robes anymore. It wasn't hard to realize what it meant.

"You're leaving the Order, aren't you?" Obi-Wan said quietly.

"How did you-" Anakin started out, but then tugged at his sleeve in realization. "Oh."

He was silent for a while.

"Yes." Anakin said finally, looking at the floor. "Well, it's more like being kicked out, but… yeah."

" _What?_ "

"Well… I couldn't exactly keep my marriage secret after Luke was born. And once the Council found out that whole thing has been going for _three years_ … well, let's just say that they weren't happy. At all. I had a choice – leave the Order, or go to a trial and be kicked out anyway. So… at least I left on my own terms."

Obi-Wan stared at Anakin in absolute disbelief. He knew what the rest of the Council was like – particularly after what they had done to Ahsoka – but _this_ was inhuman even for them. Anakin defeated the Darth Sidious in combat when _eleven_ Jedi Masters could not… he brought balance to the Force, he saved _everyone_ from whatever horrible things Sidious had been planning-

"Anakin, give me my comlink. I need to speak with them. _Now_."

"No." Anakin said quietly. "Leave it. It doesn't matter. I was going to leave the Order anyway. Luke deserves a real father, not someone who would be away on missions all the time. And Padme… she deserves a normal family too. Those three years of hiding were already far too long."

A part of Obi-Wan wanted to object, to say that there surely had to be a way. That perhaps he could convince the Council to change their minds. Somehow.

But that was his selfish part talking. He didn't like it, but… every word Anakin said was right. Anakin deserved a normal life, a normal family, just as much as Luke and Padme did. He would never get that here, on Coruscant. They Council would want Anakin to give up Luke to be a Jedi and to never see him again. Jedi were not allowed to contact their parents, or to even know who they were.

Not to mention that Anakin was one of the most famous Generals the Republic had. _The Hero with No Fear_ , that's what they called him on the HoloNet. Once the press found out about his wife and a child, if they haven't already… oh dear. They wouldn't leave him alone for _years_.

So, in the end, Obi-Wan only nodded.

"I understand." He said, very quietly. "I'll miss you, Anakin."

"I'll miss you, too." Anakin said. He stared at the floor, avoiding Obi-Wan's eyes. "Force, Obi-Wan, I'm so sorry… you're my best friend, you practically _raised_ me, and now… I'm just abandoning you like this. It broke my heart when Ahsoka left, and yet now I'm doing the same thing to _you_."

"No. It's not your fault. You didn't have a choice…"

"Of course I had a choice. If I listened to your advice, three years ago, none of this would have happened."

"Anakin, stop." Obi-Wan said, making sure to keep his face clear of any emotion. Anakin's departure _was_ going to break his heart, but he wasn't about to let Anakin know that. There was no point in making things even more painful than they already were. He even managed to smile a little. "I'm happy for you. Really. I know that life of a Jedi, with no attachments, has never been for you. You deserve so much more."

"And you, Master?"

"I'm afraid it's a bit too late for me." Obi-Wan said with a rueful smile. If this happened earlier, when Satine was still alive… maybe he would have considered leaving the Order, too. But that ship had sailed.

"So what are you going to do now?" Obi-Wan asked, trying to change the topic to something a bit less painful.

"Well… Padme already found a beautiful old house on Naboo, just outside of Theed. So we'll probably be moving pretty soon. It's a- what? What's so funny?"

"Oh, nothing." Obi-Wan said. Despite the situation, he couldn't help but smile a little. "I just… I guess I've never imagined _you_ owning a _house_."

Anakin smiled too. "Neither did I, to be honest. Will you come to visit us sometimes? Please."

"I'll… see what I can do, Anakin." Obi-Wan said carefully, not wanting to promise something he couldn't keep. He could already tell that the Council wasn't going to be enthusiastic about this. Attachments, even friendship, were dangerous. Discouraged.

Anakin nodded, although he looked a bit disappointed with the answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note because everyone is asking about Leia: There is a reason for her absence, and you'll definitely find out what that reason is eventually. It's, uh... a bit dark :)
> 
> Please R&R! :)


	3. A Simple Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan visits Anakin, Padme and Luke on Naboo, fluff ensues, and Anakin receives an unexpected gift.

_"…I know this would have happened anyway. That what I need to survive is not Gale's fire, kindled with rage and hatred. I have plenty of fire myself. What I need is the dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again."_

\- _Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay_

* * *

It took Obi-Wan several long months before he was finally able to visit Anakin. It took him a while to fully recover from his injuries, and after that, he'd been busy, going from one mission straight to another. The war was officially over, but there were still some fanatical Separatist factions scattered across the galaxy, and they refused to give up.

The Council wasn't very enthusiastic about letting him go, either. He even got an hour-long lesson from Master Yoda about the danger of attachments, complete with several obligatory whacks with a stick. Luckily, after he made a slightly veiled threat to resign from the Council (which would dump all of his responsibilities on the rest of the Council members), they suddenly and inexplicably changed their minds.

Obi-Wan landed his starfighter on a small landing pad just outside of Theed, just like Anakin had instructed him to. At first, he wasn't entirely sure if he was in the right place – his former Padawan was notoriously bad at giving directions – but all doubts disappeared when he saw a very familiar Nubian starship parked nearby, glistening in the bright sun.

As Obi-Wan climbed out of his starfighter and locked the cockpit behind him, a very familiar figure appeared on the landing pad.

"Hello, Master." Anakin said. He looked absolutely _exhausted_ , like he hadn't slept in days… but for some reason, he was smiling widely.

Obi-Wan couldn't help but smile too. "Hello, Anakin. I missed you, you know."

"I missed you, too." Anakin said quietly. His smile faded, and there was a flash of something else in his eyes. Almost like… pain. And guilt. But it was there only for a moment, and then it was gone.

"Come on." Anakin said, already back to his chipper self. "I'll show you to my place."

Anakin's house was just a few minutes of walking away. It was a beautiful old building, built not of transparisteel like the buildings of Coruscant, but of bricks and wood. Some of the walls were covered in some sort of a purple vine with small red flowers. There was a small flower garden in front of the house, and a yellow speeder parked next to it, probably for traveling around Theed.

The door opened and Senator Amidala appeared in the doorway, welcoming them warmly. She looked tired too, but also happy. Her clothes and hair were simpler and more practical than her usual elaborate Senate outfits, but somehow, she still looked as regal as ever.

Anakin and Padme showed Obi-Wan around the house, but very quietly and cautiously, since little Luke was sleeping. The house was… quite beautiful, Obi-Wan had to admit. Full of light, open spaces and warm colors. A few bright-colored toys were scattered across the living room floor. Warm summer sun shone in through the large windows, illuminating a small collection of detailed, carefully made podracer models on a shelf. There were a few plants on the windowsills, adorned with small, colorful flowers.

"Jealous, Master?" Anakin said with a grin.

Anakin's good mood was infectious. "Possibly." Obi-Wan said with a smile. "I have to admit that-"

The rest of his sentence was drowned out by a loud, high-pitched cry coming from upstairs.

Anakin groaned. "Oh, kriff. Here we go again."

The following hours made Obi-Wan finally understand why both Anakin and Senator Amidala looked so exhausted. Even after little Luke was fed, changed, and Anakin and Padme tried everything possible to soothe him, he still continued to cry on top of his lungs for almost two hours for no reason at all. Anakin explained that this was just something some babies did, and that there was no reason to be alarmed, but Obi-Wan was still a bit freaked out by it. Suddenly, he was almost glad Jedi weren't allowed to have children.

Despite the exhaustion and the crying, Anakin and the Senator looked… happy. Happier than Obi-Wan had ever seen either of them. _Perhaps attachment is not always such a bad thing,_ Obi-Wan thought guiltily. _Look at how happy they are. Perhaps old Yoda is not always right._ But these were dark, dangerous thoughts, going against everything he'd been taught since he was a small child. He quickly pushed them away.

They spent the rest of the day mostly just… talking, about everything that has happened since they last saw each other.

A _lot_ of things had happened. The production of new clones was stopped just a few days after the end of the war, and all genetic templates were destroyed. The clones already in the production cycle would be fully trained, but no new ones would be made, ever again. Nobody deserved to be forced into such life. The Republic would still keep its army – sadly, that was inevitable now – but all new soldiers would be men who joined of their own will, and got paid handsomely for their service.

The Separatist remains who ignored the official surrender – mostly the natives of some planets which had been under the Separatist rule – were still a bit of a problem. They weren't strong enough to truly endanger the Republic, but that didn't stop them from attacking ships and cities in cowardly hit-and-run attacks, causing many senseless deaths. The Republic Army and the Jedi were working tirelessly to root them out, but it was going to take time.

And finally, Bail Organa of Alderaan was proving to be the best Supreme Chancellor the Republic could have hoped for. Obi-Wan had to admit – much to Senator Amidala's amusement – that his old automatic mistrust of all politicians might have been a bit unfair. Some of them were good people. There weren't many of them, but they did exist.

After lunch, they all went for a long walk around Theed, with little Luke sleeping in his hover pram. The walk led them past most of the notable landmarks of Theed, but not the Royal Palace, the place where Qui-Gon died thirteen years ago. Obi-Wan wasn't sure if Anakin chose to avoid it on purpose, to avoid bringing up unpleasant memories, but something was telling him that he did. He was grateful for it.

When they returned to the house, Padme and Anakin fed Luke again (cue another long round of crying), and they talked some more. Anakin tried to get Obi-Wan to try to hold Luke, but he categorically refused. The tiny boy looked awfully small and fragile; Obi-Wan was terrified of accidentally hurting him. Some of the children brought to the Temple were even younger than that, but they were always cared for by the creche Masters, not him.

All too soon, it was time to leave. Obi-Wan had another long mission starting tomorrow. But before he left, there was one more thing he needed to do.

"Anakin." He said quietly. "May I talk to you in private for a moment?"

"Of course."

Once they were alone, Obi-Wan pulled something out of his small travel bag. Anakin's old lightsaber. The same one the Council took away from him on the day they threw him out of the Order.

"Where did you get this?" Anakin whispered, wide-eyed.

"From the vault in the Temple. Obviously." Obi-Wan said with a small smile. "Take it. I really don't think anybody is going to miss it."

Anakin stared at the lightsaber, a strange mix of emotions on his face. There was sadness, longing… but shame as well.

"Thank you, Master." Anakin said finally. "But… I can't. I just can't. I broke every part of the Code that ever existed. And I lied about it for _three years_. I don't deserve to have it anymore."

"To hell with the Code." Obi-Wan said, making Anakin to raise his eyebrows in shock. Obi-Wan pushed the lightsaber into Anakin's hands. "Take it. For your own safety. Just in case."

Anakin stared back at him with a mix of surprise and gratefulness. Then, without warning, Anakin wrapped his arms around him in a rib crushing hug. Obi-Wan froze, unsure of what to do. Such displays of affection were just not something Jedi did. Or something he particularly liked. But he made himself relax and return the gesture.

"Thank you, Master." He heard Anakin say quietly. His voice may have shaken a little, or perhaps Obi-Wan just imagined it. "Thank you so much."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter, things will finally start to get interesting (and angsty). And by that I mean… the first vision!
> 
> If you're enjoying this story, or have some suggestions or constructive criticism, please please leave a review :)


	4. The Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While still on Naboo, Obi-Wan has the first creepy nightmare.

_Darkness. Endless and absolute, stretching in all directions. Colder than the void between galaxies. In the darkness, a cacophony of creepy, discordant sounds. And voices. Distant, echoing and impossible to understand._

_Another voice cackled right next to Obi-Wan's ear, making him jump. This one was different from all of the others. It was loud and crystal clear. And something about it just felt… wrong._

_"Do you think you won?" the voice whispered. It sounded malicious and strangely indistinct. Obi-Wan couldn't even tell if it was old or young, male or female, familiar or not._

_"Who are you?"_

_"No one of consequence. So, do you?"_

_"I… I'm sorry, I don't understand-"_

_"No." The voice said coldly._

_"You have lost, you just don't know it yet. Enjoy it, for now. People never appreciate what they have until they lose it. Enjoy the peace while you can. Because there will be a time when everything you have burns to the ground. And that time is closer than you think."_

Somebody was shaking him. Saying his name.

_The voice laughed and laughed and laughed…_

"Wake up." Anakin said. His voice sounded frightened. "Please…"

The darkness exploded into blinding light and Obi-Wan sat up in his bed, looking around wildly. It took him a few seconds to calm down and remember where he was.

Naboo. Anakin's house. The guest bedroom. It was just another nightmare, nothing more.

It was the middle of the night, about seven standard months after the end of the war. Despite Yoda's disapproval, Obi-Wan had somehow managed to get another day off to visit Anakin. When it was time to leave, Anakin practically forced him to sleep over before leaving. While it _was_ possible to sleep in one's starfighter while travelling through hyperspace – both of them had done it many times during the war – it was extremely uncomfortable.

Anakin was crouching next to him, looking worried. "I- I'm sorry to wake you up, Master, but I think you were having a nightmare."

Obi-Wan nodded, embarrassed. "Thank you."

He suppressed a shiver. He could still feel the sensation of dread, freezing cold and just plain _wrongness_ from the dream. He hoped Anakin didn't notice.

"Why aren't you sleeping?" Obi-Wan asked, quickly trying to change the topic.

"I was having sex with Padme."

"What the-"

Anakin giggled, then burst out into a full-fledged laugh as he saw Obi-Wan's horrified expression. "I'm _kidding_ , Master. I was just taking a piss. And anyway, ever since Luke was born, it's been nearly impossible to find the time to-"

"All right, all right!" Obi-Wan interrupted him quickly, before Anakin could go into any horrifying details. "I don't want to know."

Anakin chuckled, but then his face turned dead serious. "Hey, are you sure you're all right? You're shaking."

"I'm _not_ -" Obi-Wan started, annoyed, before noticing that his hands were shaking uncontrollably. Embarrassed, he folded his arms across his chest.

"I appreciate your concern, Anakin, but I'm perfectly fine. It's nothing. Just a bad dream I've been having recently."

_Oh, kriff._

As soon as the words left his lips, Obi-Wan wanted to slap himself for phrasing it that way. The last time _Anakin_ had recurring nightmares, they were visions of wife's _death_. And before that… about his mother's.

Anakin's face went white.

"That you've been _having recently_?" Anakin whispered, his eye wide in disbelief. "As in, more than once? And you were planning to tell me about this… _when_?"

"Anakin, calm down. I know what you're worried about, but I really don't think it was a vision. I've never had a vision in my life. I don't have that gift. If I did, it would have manifested itself a long time ago."

It was true. Visions were the rarest gift the Force could give a Jedi. There were only a handful of Jedi alive who had that ability. And all of them had their first vision at a much, much younger age. To have a first vision at Obi-Wan's age, thirty-eight… it was unheard of. But a part of him couldn't ignore the fact that preventing a vision from coming true was _also_ supposed to be impossible; and yet Anakin had done it, somehow. He couldn't be sure of anything anymore.

"Oh, you don't _think_ it's a vision. Very reassuring." Anakin hissed angrily. He was almost shouting now, only keeping his voice down to avoid waking up Luke and Padme.

Normally, Obi-Wan would have sternly reminded him to control his emotions, but not this time. He understood how terrified Anakin had to be. To fear that the same thing was happening again, that some horrible catastrophe was going to happen, so soon after he finally had a child, a family… it had to be horrifying.

Obi-Wan opened his mouth, desperately trying to think of something to say, to offer some comfort, but nothing was coming to mind.

Anakin sighed and buried his face in his hands. "Force, I'm sorry, Master. I shouldn't have yelled at you. It's not your fault."

Obi-Wan placed a warm, comforting hand on Anakin's shoulder. "You don't need to apologize."

To his relief, Anakin didn't shake his hand off. Instead, he grabbed Obi-Wan's fingers with his own and squeezed them in a silent _thank you_.

Why was the Force _doing_ this? Obi-Wan thought bitterly. Why did it have to be so cruel? Why couldn't it just let them _be_ for once?

"And you're right." Obi-Wan continued. "I can't know if they're visions or not. I don't think they are, but I can't know for sure."

Anakin took a deep, shaky breath. "Could you please tell me what you saw?"

 _No_ , Obi-Wan thought. This was not the first recurring nightmare he'd had; there had been many others, over the years. Not about the future, but about the past. About places like Jabiim, Zigoola, Taanab, Sundari, or the Royal Palace in this very city, thirteen years ago. He'd never discussed those with anyone, nor was he ever planning to. It was just… too private, too painful. Some people preferred to talk about their problems with others, but he did not. It was just the way he was.

But this was different.

"Of course." Obi-Wan said. "Although I'm afraid there's not much to tell. I never see anything, it's just darkness. And it's cold. Sometimes I can hear voices, but I can never tell who they are, or what they're saying. If they're even saying real words at all. And the only voice I _can_ understand just keeps laughing and telling me that something bad is going to happen. I'm afraid that's all I know."

"What bad thing? And whose voice is it?"

"I don't know, Anakin."

Anakin sighed. "Well, that's not very helpful."

"Told you." Obi-Wan said, a bit more sarcastically than he intended. He immediately regretted his tone. "Sorry. I shouldn't have said it… that way."

"It's all right." Anakin said. "Maybe this is going to sound weird, but do you think that the next time you have this dream, you could, you know… try asking that voice some questions? About what the hell it's talking about?"

Obi-Wan chuckled. "That was the first thing I tried."

"And?"

"It just laughed at me."

Anakin sighed. "Great."

They both sat in silence for a while.

Suddenly, Anakin's eyes widened in horror. "Master, when you said _laughed_ … did you mean, like a cackle? Because that reminds me of someone I know. _Him_."

"No, I don't think it's Palpatine." Obi-Wan said. He was surprised at how certain he felt. "It was my first thought, too, but… no. I saw you cut his head off, after all. And that presence… it felt malicious, but not the pure evil I sensed when we fought Palpatine."

No. This was something else. Or someone else. On one hand, Obi-Wan was relieved that this didn't seem to have anything to do with Palpatine. The prospect of him coming back was terrifying. On the other hand, it meant that he still had no answers to any of his questions, and that felt even worse. Better the devil you know.

There was another long silence.

"I hope you're right." Anakin said finally. "About this being just a dream and nothing more. But… if you figure out anything new, _please_ let me know, all right?"

"I will." Obi-Wan said. "I promise."

Although something was telling him that he wasn't going to figure out what the dreams meant. Not until it was already too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please R&R! :)


	5. Of Gifts and Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A year after the end of the Clone Wars, Obi-Wan gets to visit Naboo again. Anakin gets a much needed apology, Luke gets a birthday gift, and lots of fluff ensues.

Covered in snow, the landscape of Naboo was somehow even more beautiful than usual. Obi-Wan waded through the knee-deep snow towards Anakin's house, smiling as he noticed an enormous Hutt-shaped snowman next to the house, almost as tall as he was.

Obi-Wan brushed the large snowflakes from his cape and knocked on the door. Senator Amidala opened the door, smiling.

"Hello, Master Kenobi. Come in. I haven't seen you in a long time."

Obi-Wan walked in and removed his snow-covered boots and cloak, shivering a little. "I'm afraid I've been busy, Senator."

It was almost a year since the end of the war. Luke's first birthday – according to the Naboo calendar, which was thirty days shorter than the standard year – was just two weeks ago. Anakin and Padme had invited Obi-Wan to the celebration, but he had to decline. It wasn't completely his fault – he was on a mission at the time, fighting the last major group of Separatist fanatics – but he still felt guilty about it. He remembered how disappointed Anakin sounded in the hologram, even though he did his best to hide it.

"Padme, I'm so sorry I couldn't come." Obi-Wan said. "I-"

Padme chuckled. "Of, for crying out loud, stop apologizing, Obi-Wan. _It wasn't your fault._ "

Before Obi-Wan could respond, a pair of tiny eyes peeked from behind a corner. Little Luke squealed in excitement, made a few unsteady steps towards Obi-Wan, lost his balance and crawled the rest of the way.

"Oh, hello there, little one." Obi-Wan said, smiling and picking the small boy up. "I didn't know that you could walk already."

Luke gave him a wide, toothless smile and started chewing on the hem of Obi-Wan's sleeve. Obi-Wan gently pulled it out of his mouth.

"He just figured it out a few days ago." Anakin said proudly, appearing in the hallway. He lowered his voice conspiratorially. "And I could _swear_ I once saw him pull a toy towards him with the Force."

"No, you didn't." Padme said, chuckling. "You're imagining things. What do you think, Master Kenobi?"

"Well, it's unlikely, but possible."

Sometimes, the ability to touch the Force did manifest itself even at a very young age. Like it did for Anakin, who was subconsciously using it to help him when he was podracing, long before he knew what the Force even was. It was extremely rare, but Obi-Wan could already sense how strong the Force was with the little boy. Just as strong as it was with his father.

Obi-Wan opened his travel backpack, pulling out a small wrapped box. "I know I couldn't come to the celebration, but at least I brought you something, little one."

He gave the box to Luke, who beamed at him and clumsily tried to open it with his small fingers.

"You didn't have to, Master." Anakin said in a surprised voice, sitting down next to Luke to help him unwrap the box. "Thank you."

Anakin helped Luke unwrap and open the box, pulling out Obi-Wan's gift – a small toy ship that hovered just above the ground and moved around the room around at random, and made lights and sounds when you pressed the buttons. It was probably a stupid gift, Obi-Wan thought, but he genuinely couldn't think of anything else.

But for some reason, Luke seemed to absolutely love it. Soon, he was chasing the ship across the living room, giggling excitedly. The toy seemed to detect objects next to it, because whenever Luke got close to catching it, it darted away a bit. After a few minutes of furious chase, Luke managed to chase it into a corner and grab it. He squealed victoriously and pressed half of the buttons at once, releasing a cacophony of electronic shrieks and shrill beeps.

Obi-Wan winced.

"Oh dear. I'm so sorry. I didn't think this through."

Anakin only chuckled. "Relax, Master. Look at him, he loves it. And if it gets too annoying, I'll just make something happen to the speakers. Mysteriously."

The ship engaged its small repulsors, wrestling itself out of Luke's hands and darting under the kitchen table. Luke squealed with delight and the chase started anew.

Anakin watched his son crawl after the toy with a wide smile.

"I'm almost jealous." Anakin said, laughing. "I wish I had stuff like that when I was a kid."

It was an innocent joke, nothing more, but for Obi-Wan, it felt like a dagger to the heart.

Anakin never got to celebrate his birthdays when he was his Padawan, not even once. Obi-Wan never even acknowledged them. It was the Jedi way. They didn't believe in possessions, celebrations, attachments, or anything worldly like that.

When Anakin became his Padawan, Obi-Wan decided to help him adjust to his new life as a Jedi as quickly as possible. He thought it would be easier for Anakin if the change was quick, like ripping off a band-aid.

But was it really the best choice? Now, as Obi-Wan looked at the pure joy on Luke's face, he wondered if perhaps he could have been less strict, at least at the beginning. Qui-Gon would have been. At the time, Obi-Wan thought he was doing the right thing – but he had absolutely no idea what he was doing. He was a Padawan himself only a few days before he became responsible for Anakin, for crying out loud.

His relationship with Anakin was very rocky, especially for the first few years. They argued a lot. Anakin often called him cold, or heartless, and – a few painful times – a monster. At the time, Obi-Wan didn't see it, but… his Padawan did have a point there.

* * *

"All right." Padme said, standing up. "I think it's time to put the little one down for his nap. Come on, Luke! Master Kenobi, you'll have to excuse me– this is probably going to take quite a while."

"Why?" Obi-Wan asked naively.

Padme smiled. "You don't have much experience with children, do you, Master Kenobi?"

"Well… no."

"Well, they don't always do what you tell them to. In fact, they usually don't."

"Ah." Obi-Wan said, smiling a little. "That reminds me of someone I know."

Anakin almost choked on his drink. "Hey! Did you just compare me to a one year old?!"

Obi-Wan had to use all of his Jedi self-discipline to keep himself from laughing. "I think I'll just leave it at that."

"Kriffing unreal." Anakin muttered, rolling his eyes – but he was smiling.

After Padme and little Luke disappeared upstairs, Anakin's smile faded a bit. "Hey. Is everything all right?"

Obi-Wan frowned a little, confused. He had no idea what Anakin was talking about. "As far as I'm aware. Why wouldn't it be?"

Anakin hesitated a bit before answering. "It's just… I saw your expression when I made that remark about being jealous. It was just a joke. I didn't mean it… _that_ way. I just wanted to make sure you know that."

Obi-Wan chuckled sadly. "I wouldn't blame you if you did mean it, Anakin. We both know that I… haven't been very nice to you, when you were my student. I should have… I just…"

Obi-Wan sighed. "It's too late to change things now. But at least… you should know that I'm sorry. I should have been kinder to you."

Anakin stared at him. "What are you talking about? You were the best Master I could have wished for."

Obi-Wan gave him a small, sad smile. "That's very kind of you to say, Anakin, but let's be honest here. It's not true. I wasn't ready to train you. I had no idea what I was doing. And you paid the price. You deserved so much better."

 _Qui-Gon would have been a better teacher than me._ Obi-Wan thought bitterly. _Wiser, and kinder. He was the one who should've survived._

Anakin's eyes widened in horror.

_Oh, no…_

Obi-Wan mentally kicked himself. He didn't mean to… his mental shields must have slipped, he never intended for Anakin to hear _that_ …

"I heard it. About Qui-Gon." Anakin whispered. His eyes were wide, horrified.

"I didn't mean it-" Obi-Wan said quickly.

"You did. I felt it."

Obi-Wan didn't reply. There was no point in denying it, not now. Anakin had already sensed the truth.

There was a long silence.

Anakin stared at Obi-Wan, his eyes full of pain. "Why would you… How could you even _say_ something so horrible?"

Obi-Wan stared at a wall just to Anakin's left, avoiding his eyes. "It might sound harsh, but it's true, Anakin. Qui-Gon… he was wise and kind. He was a better Jedi than I could ever hope to be."

Anakin made a strange noise, almost like a snort. " _Kind?_ You're kidding, right? Forgive me for saying it that way, Master, but he tried to dump you the second he saw a new potential apprentice. Not to mention…"

Anakin hesitated. A part of him didn't want to say this, didn't want to bring up any more painful memories; Obi-Wan seemed to be in so much pain already. But he _had_ to say it.

"Not to mention that… I mean, you told me what his last words were. When he-"

Obi-Wan winced. "Anakin, enough."

" _No._ You _have_ to hear it."

Anakin felt like a monster, for bringing up those painful memories in such a harsh way, but there was something he _needed_ to say.

"Before he died, he could have said something to you. How proud of you he was. Or apologize for pushing you away. Or say how much you meant to him. _Something._ You were his apprentice for _twelve years_ , for crying out loud. But he didn't. He said nothing to _you_. Instead, he used his last breath to guilt you into training me. So, no. Qui-Gon Jinn might have been a lot of things, but _kind_ was not kriffing one of them-"

Anakin trailed off, realizing that he had gone way, way too far. Obi-Wan was sitting with his face buried in his hands. His hands were shaking uncontrollably. Anakin couldn't see his face, but he didn't need to. The Force around them was filled with grief and pain.

Anakin wanted to kick himself. He was trying to make a point, to make Obi-Wan feel _better_ , not worse. But instead, he just caused even more pain. _Great kriffing job, Skywalker._

"I'm sorry." Anakin said very quietly. "I didn't mean to make you relive that day. I was just trying to make a point. What Qui-Gon did to you, it was _awful_. You would never do that. To me, nor anyone else. I know that because I know _you_. So please stop comparing yourself to Qui-Gon. You're a much better person than he was. Yes, you were a bit distant sometimes – but that's _not your fault_. It was how you were raised. The only life you've even known. And let's be honest here, my younger self didn't exactly help things, either. I was a nasty little shit more often than not. I said – and did – some truly awful things to you. It took me many years to realize that I couldn't have asked for a better teacher – or a better friend."

Anakin waited for a reaction, but there was none. He risked gently touching Obi-Wan's shoulder, relieved when Obi-Wan didn't shake his hand away.

"So." Anakin said. "For Force's sake, Master, don't _ever_ say that you should have died instead of him. That's a _horrifying_ thing to say. Do you have _any_ idea how much I miss you? If Padme and I could move back to Coruscant, we would, right now."

Obi-Wan lifted his head, staring at him. "You're… serious? You don't… hate me?"

The genuine _surprise_ in his voice made Anakin's heart ache. _Force, how could you say something like that? Without you, I'd be lost._

"You're kidding, right? I could never hate you. I hope you know that."

To Anakin's relief, Obi-Wan smiled a little. It was a sad, very faint smile, but better than nothing.

"Thank you." Obi-Wan said quietly, although Anakin had no idea what exactly he was thanking him _for_.

And then… Anakin couldn't do this anymore. He knew that his Master was _not_ a fan of hugs or anything like that. But he couldn't just watch him be in such pain and do _nothing_. He wrapped his arms around Obi-Wan in a crushing hug. Obi-Wan returned the gesture and let out a long, shuddering breath.

Slowly, very slowly, the pain faded away, leaving behind only peace.

And for a long, blissful moment, everything was all right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still not too happy with this chapter. Oh well. The only thing I like about it is that it's going to be absolutely heartbreaking in retrospect :) Because I'm just evil like that.
> 
> Fun fact: Yes, I researched the difference between the Coruscant and Naboo calendars to sure it was accurate. The things you do for love.


	6. Just Like the Old Times

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin gets a brilliant idea, and the voice won't leave poor Obi-Wan alone. Actually, this is getting out of hand, since there are two of them now.

The sun was setting down. Obi-Wan glanced at the chrono; he had only about an hour left before he had to leave, perhaps two at most. The day had passed far too quickly, as it always did when he was here on Naboo. He had no idea when he would be able to see his friend again. Months, probably. The idea felt unbearable already.

Anakin asked him if they could quickly speak in private, one more time. Obi-Wan already knew what Anakin wanted to talk about.

"So." Anakin said in a quiet voice once they were alone. "The nightmares. Did you manage to see anything new?"

"No."

"Kriff."

"But I have some good news." Obi-Wan said. " _Very_ good news, in fact. The nightmares, they… they _stopped_. I haven't had one of those dreams in… three months, maybe even longer."

Anakin stared at him, stunned. "Really? Just like that?"

Obi-Wan smiled. "Just like that. And… I've been thinking about it a lot. And meditating, too. I think I understand now, what was going on. Why I had those dreams."

"Really? Why?"

"Well… I think that a part of me always found it difficult to believe that all of this could have a happy ending. Not after everything that happened. They were never visions, I think. Just… really nasty dreams. I'm afraid that my subconscious is quite the pessimist."

Obi-Wan hadn't seen Anakin look so visibly relieved in _years_.

"Thank the Force." Anakin breathed out. "Thank the Force. And… I know what you mean."

Anakin looked around the bright, sunlit room; the big fluffy snowflakes slowly drifting behind the windows, at Padme's jacket slung over a chair, the colorful toys scattered across the floor. "Sometimes, I find it hard to believe it myself."

Then Anakin's expression turned serious once again.

"Obi-Wan… there's one more thing I need to talk to you about."

Anakin went silent for a moment, as if he didn't know how to begin.

"How's the war going?" He asked finally.

The question was a surprise to Obi-Wan. Anakin usually tended to avoid that subject since his departure from the Order.

"Surprisingly well, actually." Obi-Wan said. "The last major Separatist group has surrendered just a few days ago. It took almost a year, but it's finally over. At last."

"That's great news. So what are the clones going to do now?"

"Well… nobody actually knows that yet. I guess that we should figure it out soon."

Chancellor Organa had already offered clone troopers the option to leave the army and live the rest of their lives in peace, with a generous monthly payment for their years of service. But practically all of them had refused the offer. Peace was not what they were made for.

"I… have an idea about that, actually." Anakin said. "When I left Tatooine with you and Qui-Gon, all those years ago… I made a promise. To my mother, but also to myself. I promised that one day, I would come back and free all of the slaves. And now… the Republic has a larger army than it ever had, or ever will have. So, I thought, if not now… then when?"

Obi-Wan stared at him, stunned. "That's… actually a good idea. It's a _brilliant_ idea."

How come nobody else ever thought of that?

Anakin's eyes lit up. "Really?"

"Really. I'll discuss it with the Council as soon as I get back." Obi-Wan said.

But something was telling him they were going to agree. It was what Jedi were _meant_ to do, after all. Helping people. It was what they used to do, before the war.

"And… there's one more thing, Master." Anakin said. He gave a quick glance at the hollow ornamental sculpture on the shelf, where he kept his lightsaber hidden.

"I know I'm not a Jedi anymore, but… I would like to be there. Personally. To make sure it gets done properly. Now that Luke is a little bit older, I think that Padme could handle him on her own for a while. One last mission, Master. You and me, just like the old times. What do you think?"

_The old times._

Obi-Wan missed them so much. He already knew how much it was going to hurt to part ways with Anakin once again, after the mission was over, this time for good. But being able to fight at his old friend's side again, even just one last time, was a blessing from the Force.

"Let's do this." Obi-Wan said, smiling.

* * *

_Darkness. Endless and absolute, stretching in all directions. Colder than the void between galaxies._ _The voices were silent._

_A quick, frightening vision flashed before Obi-Wan's eyes, the first thing he saw that wasn't just impenetrable darkness._

_A room shrouded in twilight, the faint lights of passing speeders shimmering in the distance beyond the window; and a dark figure in a black cloak, standing by the window, its face obscured by shadows. It was just a flash, and then it was gone. He shuddered._

_No… please, not this again, Obi-Wan thought, horrified. He thought that these dreams were over._

_He could sense something. The presence in the Force that belonged to one of those distant voices he had heard before. The ones he could never understand. The voice was silent right now, but it was still… there, in a way._

_"Hello?" Obi-Wan dared to ask._

_There was no answer._

_"I know that you're there. Who are you?"_

_Nothing._

_Unlike that other entity, this presence didn't feel malevolent. It felt almost… comforting. And painfully familiar. Whoever this person or entity was, Obi-Wan_ knew _them, he was sure of that. But the presence was just a bit too indistinct to quite recognize._

_That being said… he had a suspicion, or more like an impossible hope. There was one person, who had joined the Force many years ago, that Obi-Wan would give anything in to galaxy to hear again. Even just one more time. Could it… could it be…?_

_"Just talk to me." Obi-Wan said desperately. "Please. At least tell me your name."_

_But the voice didn't answer._

_That other voice, the one that felt evil and like it didn't belong, cackled right into his ear, making him flinch._

_"Oh, save your breath." It said. "He can't hear you. Ironic, isn't it?"_

_The dark voice laughed, as if on some joke only it knew._ _"So." It then said. "I hope you had fun."_

_"I beg your pardon?"_

_"I told you to enjoy the peace while you could. I hope you listened. Because now, that time is almost over."_

_"No, it isn't. The Separatists are defeated and the slavers aren't powerful enough to threaten the Republic."_

_"It's not the Separatists or the slavers that you should fear."_

_"Then what is? Who are you?"_

_But the only reply was an echoing laugh._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I know it must all seem very confusing right now. But I promise that all questions will be answered, and sooner than you think :)


	7. The Last Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anakin and Obi-Wan fight in the siege of Tatooine! Also something happens at the end.

_"I think you know in your heart that you're meant for something extraordinary."_

_"And you, Master. What does your heart tell you you're meant for?"_

_"Infinite sadness," Obi-Wan said, even while smiling._

_\- Labyrinth of Evil, James Luceno_

* * *

After many weeks of fighting, the siege of Tatooine was finally over.

The battle was brutal. Many of the small-time slavers like Watto surrendered as soon as they saw the Republic fleet appear in the sky, but the Hutts did not. They fought back more viciously than the Separatists ever had. Dooku and Grievous were monsters, but even they still had some small shred of decency left. Their armies only rarely lowered themselves to killing civilians and captives, using poisons, and other war crimes.

The Hutts had no such reservations.

Their men attacked medical ships, executed prisoners and wounded soldiers, buried mines in the sand, used their slaves as a living meat shield, and released poison bombs into the air. Things got ugly, really ugly. The losses were higher than Obi-Wan or Anakin expected, and they were forced to call for reinforcements at one point.

But in the end, even the Hutts couldn't match the strength of the Republic army. They moved across the planet, liberating city after city, slowly pushing the Hutts back to their base in Jabba's palace. Once the palace was surrounded, with nowhere to run, the Hutts finally surrendered. The battle was won.

And as Obi-Wan watched the liberated slaves throw their old collars, tracker chips and their drab slave garments into a burning pit, and laugh, dance and celebrate as they watched it burn… he knew that the fighting was worth it, all of it.

Obi-Wan spent the entire siege feeling on edge and paranoid, half expecting some horrible and unforeseen catastrophe to happen at any moment. To Anakin, himself, Senator Amidala, the Republic, or, Force forbid, Anakin's child.

But nothing happened, thank the Force. Padme and Luke were all right; Anakin made sure to call them every day. Obi-Wan and Anakin made it through all of the battles mostly unharmed, with only some minor scrapes and bruises. And the situation in the rest of the galaxy was good, too. While Obi-Wan and Anakin were busy fighting on Tatooine, many other Jedi and clones were already working hard to liberate other planets.

In a way, that made it even worse. Something bad _was_ going to happen, Obi-Wan's dreams had told him that. And there was nothing he could do but wait.

He didn't tell Anakin that his nightmares had started again. It would've only freaked him out, and besides, what was there to tell? He still didn't know anything useful.

Anakin appeared at Obi-Wan's side, followed by a large group of clone troopers. They were escorting the last prisoner from Jabba's palace to the waiting cruiser. It was Jabba the Hutt himself, and he was _furious_. He was resisting so hard he needed twenty clones to drag him, screaming threats and obscenities in Huttese, Basic and several other languages, and spitting globs of green slime wherever he could.

Anakin yelled something in Huttese after Jabba as the clones dragged him into the cruiser. Obi-Wan couldn't understand the words, but it wasn't hard to guess the overall meaning.

"All right, that was the last of them. We can go." Anakin said, wiping his sweaty face with his sleeve. The day was mercilessly, unbearably hot.

Obi-Wan nodded. Good. It was time to leave this planet and deliver the prisoners to Coruscant to be tried for their crimes. A part of their forces would stay behind on Tatooine for a while, to make sure the planet didn't fall right back into its old savage ways.

Once they reached Coruscant, they would offload the prisoners and pick up reinforcements and fresh supplies. After that, it would be time to move on to the next planet.

Side by side, they started walking towards the waiting cruiser.

And then… something strange happened.

It felt as if the air turned cold. Ice cold. Obi-Wan suddenly felt very dizzy. And something odd happened to his vision. All colors slowly faded away, turning into dull shades of grey. Obi-Wan stopped and blinked furiously, but nothing changed. What was going on? Did he have a heat stroke or something? It was definitely possible, but he felt fine just a moment ago…

Anakin must have noticed that something was wrong, because he was suddenly standing in front of Obi-Wan.

"Hey." Anakin said, grabbing his shoulders gently. He looked very worried. "You're pale as death. Are you all right?"

His voice seemed to be coming from a great distance.

Obi-Wan couldn't answer; his body suddenly refused to obey him. Without warning, a horrible, unimaginable pain shot through Obi-Wan's body, making him collapse to the ground. The sand under his knees felt strangely cold, too.

Anakin shouted something. It might have been Obi-Wan's name, but he couldn't be sure. Anakin's voice was too fuzzy and distant to understand.

Just like those voices in his nightmares.

And then everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand let the angst begin!


	8. No Reason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: If you’re feeling sad or depressed, you might _not_ want to read this… Seriously. You’ve been warned.
> 
> Remember when I said earlier that the angstiest part is yet to come? Yeah. Here we are.

* * *

_"For of all sad words of tongue or pen,_

_The saddest are these: 'It might have been.'"_

_— John Greenleaf Whittier_

* * *

Some undeterminable time later, Obi-Wan opened his eyes.

He seemed to be lying on the ground, but it didn’t feel like sand. It was cold and hard. The pain was even worse now, if that was even possible. It made it hard to even breathe. His vision was too blurry to really see anything, but the colors of the walls told him that this wasn’t Jabba’s palace – or the cruiser.

Someone nearby was talking, but he couldn’t make out the words. All sounds blurred together.

“Anakin…?” Obi-Wan managed to say. Talking made the pain worse. And something was wrong with his voice. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get out anything more than a whisper.

“I'm here.” Anakin’s fuzzy voice said, somewhere close. “You're going to be all right, Master. Just hold on. Please.”

He _wasn’t_ going to be all right, he could sense that. And Anakin’s terrified, shaking voice only confirmed it. But why? What was going on?

“Anakin, I don’t understand… what happened? Where are we?”

Anakin’s eyes were wide and filled with pain. “You don’t remember?”

Remember _what_? The last think Obi-Wan remembered was collapsing just outside of Jabba’s palace. After that, nothing.

Obi-Wan blinked hard, trying to clear his vision. It helped a little; the shapes around him became a bit clearer. He was lying on the floor of a large room, looking up at the ceiling. The walls and the ceiling were crimson red. There was a wide window to his left, and behind it… the very familiar skyline of Coruscant.

_What? No… No, it can't be..._

The shattered glass on the floor was very familiar, too. So were the pieces of Anakin’s destroyed lightsaber, the corpses dressed in Jedi robes, and the severed limbs. Mace Windu’s severed hand was lying on the red carpet, just a few meters away. And so was Chancellor Palpatine’s head.

And the pain had a very obvious and very simple reason.

The last piece of a puzzle fell into place with a loud click, and suddenly everything made sense.

 _That_ was why he couldn't remember how he got to this place. It was because he had never _left_.

He and Anakin never went to Tatooine. Or Naboo. They were on Coruscant, all along. After they defeated Sidious, Obi-Wan must have fainted for a while – and now he woke up. Everything else… it wasn’t real. Only a pleasant hallucination his brain had made up so it wouldn't have to think about the fact that he was dying.

One by one, other things that had not been quite right popped into his mind. How the seasons of the year on Naboo weren’t right. Jabba the Hutt, shouting and swearing in a language he didn’t speak. How quickly the Council and the Senate agreed to attack the Hutts and the slavers. Anakin’s old lightsaber, which was destroyed in the fight with Palpatine. Or the fact that neither Padme or Obi-Wan could have survived in the first place. His injuries were clearly fatal, and Force visions always came true.

But you always realize those things only after you wake up.

Obi-Wan thought back to his nightmares. At last, he finally understood who that malicious voice belonged to, in his visions. And the answer was: nobody.

There was never any voice. No mysterious, malevolent creature. Only him. Only a part of his mind which had somehow always known the truth. It was trying to tell him, all along.

No… how could the Force be this cruel? In the past year, which never really happened… things changed. _He_ changed, or at least tried to. He realized that perhaps Jedi way was not always the _best_ way. He tried to become a better person. And yet…

None of that actually happened. It never could. The Force certainly had a sense of cruel irony. Why couldn’t it let him realize those things sooner? Back when he actually had the time to _do_ something about it?

There were tears stinging in Obi-Wan’s eyes, but he quickly blinked them back. _No._ He would not allow that to be the last memory Anakin had of him.

For some reason, Obi-Wan remembered something from his dream. What Anakin told him about Qui-Gon. _When he was dying, he could have said something to you. How proud of you he was. Or apologize for pushing you away. Or say how much you meant to him._

And perhaps that was why the Force tortured him with that dream. To give him a chance to make things right, at least a little bit. What was it that he said to Anakin, only a few moments ago, before he passed out? _I am so proud of you?_ Yes, that was it.

It was true, every word of it, and Obi-Wan supposed it wasn’t that bad, as far as last words went. It was certainly better than Qui-Gon’s. But now, he realized that he should have used his last moments to say something else. Something more important.

Obi-Wan was surprised to realize that he was able to breathe again, at least for a little moment. A small, final blessing from the Force.

“Anakin… there’s something else… I need to tell you. More important.”

“No.” Anakin whispered, his voice so sad. “Save your strength. Whatever it is, you’ll tell me later.”

Obi-Wan shook his head. There wasn’t going to be a _later_. “No. Anakin. Listen… to me.”

It was coming back now; that terrifying feeling, like he was drowning, suffocating. Perhaps he was. Palpatine’s blade had missed his heart, but it must have hit a lung for sure. Perhaps an artery as well. It was becoming hard to breathe once again, and this time, it was final.

“I’m so sorry.” Obi-Wan whispered. “About… everything. I should have been… kinder to you.”

He had no choice, he had to pause for a few moments to catch his breath.

Anakin was staring at him, his eyes filled with tears. “No, don’t say that. Why would you say that? It’s not true.”

It _was_ true, but Obi-Wan didn’t argue. There was no time left for that. The edges of his vision were already beginning to turn black. He managed to lift a shaking hand and gently touch Anakin’s cheek.

“You… were my brother, Anakin. I loved you. Always will. More… than you will… ever know.”

Anakin said something; his lips definitely moved, even though all sounds were too fuzzy and echoing to understand anymore. But the feeling of unexpected warmth in the Force told Obi-Wan what it probably was. Oh. That was a nice last thing to hear.

Obi-Wan tried to smile a little, to let Anakin know that he heard him, but something was wrong. He couldn’t… his mouth refused to move, he couldn't speak, smile, swallow, or even close his mouth. There was an unnatural numbness and cold spreading through his body, alarmingly fast.

It was a relief, in a way… the pain was fading away, and so was the horrible feeling, like he was suffocating. On the other hand, it was clear what it meant, and it terrified him. Jedi weren’t supposed to be afraid of death, but…

_I guess that it makes me a coward, then._

Anakin’s gentle fingers were stroking Obi-Wan’s hair, and he was saying something, although Obi-Wan could no longer understand anything he said. All sounds were just a confusing, echoing blur. But Anakin’s low, comforting tone got the main idea across. _It’s all right. I’m here. You’re not alone._

Obi-Wan realized that he hasn’t taken a breath in quite a while. At least a minute, probably longer. It was strange; he should feel a desperate need to breathe, but he didn’t. He couldn’t really feel anything anymore. He tried to take a breath, but all he could manage was a shallow, horrible-sounding gasp, and even that took momumental effort. He decided to not try that again.

His mind felt… strange, and more and more foggy and confused by the second. Everything looked very blurry, and it was impossible to focus his eyes on anything, or even move them anymore. The darkness at the edges of his vision was closing in. For a moment, all colors looked strange, far too bright; then Anakin’s features morphed into Qui-Gon’s, then into Satine’s, then back to Anakin’s own again.

 _Maybe I’ll see Qui-Gon again,_ Obi-Wan thought. That comforting voice in his dream, if it was really him… maybe it wasn’t entirely a product of his imagination. Maybe it was more real than he had thought.

What did that other voice say? _He can’t hear you. Ironic, isn’t it?_ Maybe it was because Qui-Gon was dead, and Obi-Wan wasn’t. But, well… that problem was about to solve itself very soon.

They didn’t part ways on the best terms, but the rest of their time together – twelve long years – Obi-Wan had been almost as close friends with Qui-Gon as he was with Anakin. He would give anything in the world just see his old Master again, even just one more time.

The colors shifted again, and suddenly Obi-Wan felt as if he was floating outside of his body, looking down on himself and Anakin. His body was lying on the floor, his eyes vacant and staring at nothing. His lips were slightly parted and blue. He wasn’t breathing. His body only made another of those useless little gasps, and then lay very, very still. Anakin was kneeling next to him, holding Obi-Wan’s hand and gently stroking his hair. His shoulders shaking with quiet sobs.

For a tiny, precious moment, Obi-Wan’s vision was clear once again; not blurry like it has been for the past few minutes. A small, final gift from the Force. Obi-Wan used the moment to take one last look at his beloved Padawan’s face, trying to memorize every feature and every detail. Even though, of course, this probably wasn’t real anymore; only a product of his oxygen-deprived brain.

_I’m sorry, Anakin. I wish we didn’t have to part ways so soon. I’ll miss you._

And then that brief moment of clarity was gone. Obi-Wan’s vision went completely dark, and then he was falling, and falling... and falling…

Forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now I can finally say what the inspiration for this story was. It was [this mindf*ck](https://www.reddit.com/r/Glitch_in_the_Matrix/comments/30t9kd/repost_a_parallel_life_awoken_by_a_lamp/).
> 
> The title of this chapter is a reference to a certain House MD episode.
> 
> Please read & review (and don't murder me for what I just did to you)!


	9. The Voice - Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All questions are answered, and lots of angst ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come on. We can't let it end on _that_ note.

* * *

The room was shrouded in twilight. Behind the window, the faint lights of passing speeders shimmered in the distance. Anakin stood by the window, still as a statue, staring out through the rain-streaked glass. His eyes looked empty. Dead.

Behind the window, the endless strings of moving lights glimmered against the dark night sky, and far behind them, a tall building towered in the distance. 500 Republica, the place where Padme used to live…

Anakin's comlink rang. He pressed the decline button without looking and turned the stupid thing off completely, resisting an urge to throw it across the room.

He already knew who was calling, and that there was no point in accepting the call. It was the Council, reminding him that his trial was going to begin in an hour. After Luke and Leia were born, he couldn't keep his secret any longer. Once the Council members found out the truth, they were _furious_.

They were graceful enough to give Anakin some time to grieve and to come to terms with everything that happened. Or perhaps they were just too busy mopping up the remaining Separatist fanatics to waste their time on him. It was probably the latter.

The Council gave Anakin a chance to have a fair trial and defend himself, but everyone knew that it was just a formality. They had already made their decision, just like they had with Ahsoka. He was going to be expelled from the Order, permanently. And… he deserved it. All of it. He had broken the most sacred part of the Code and lied about it, for _three years_. There was nothing he could say or do to change that.

Anakin hoped that they would at least take care of his children. The Force was strong with them, he could sense that much already.

He wasn't going to be able to take care of them. Not… not without Padme. She had died in his arms, just like he'd seen in his visions. There was a weakened blood vessel in her brain, too deep to show up on any scans. The stress of the childbirth made it burst. It was over in seconds. There was nothing anyone could do to save her.

Obi-Wan was right, as always. Anakin's visions were always going to come true, no matter what he did.

A wave of tears stung in Anakin's eyes, threatening to fall. He quickly blinked them back. _Oh, Force… I'm so sorry, Master. What happened to you… it was my fault, all of it. If I hadn't asked you to stay on Coruscant, none of this would have happened. Or if I killed Sidious when I had the chance, when he first told me who he was. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry._

* * *

Darkness. Endless and absolute, stretching in all directions. Colder than the void between galaxies.

Was that was being dead felt like? It seemed to be. Even Jedi didn't know what came after death.

So the nightmares _were_ visions of the future after all, Obi-Wan thought bitterly. From a certain point of view. He just never realized that _this_ was what they were trying to tell him. That he was going to die.

 _I'm so sorry, Anakin._ _I can't even imagine how you must be feeling right now. To lose two people so close to you, in such a short time…_

Obi-Wan couldn't be sure if Senator Amidala was dead, too, but something was telling him that she was. Force visions always came true. He hoped that at least the child survived.

 _You're a monster,_ Obi-Wan thought, meaning the Force. _Anakin didn't deserve this. He has done everything you asked of him. He destroyed the Sith and fulfilled the prophecy. He saved everyone. He didn't deserve any of this._

So what was going to happen now? Obi-Wan had no idea. He tried to look around, but the darkness was impenetrable. Only that strangely familiar presence was still there, at the very edge of his mind. It was the voice that Obi-Wan tried to talk to in his last vision before his death, but it never answered. The one that never left, even when all of the others had. The voice said something, but he couldn't understand it.

The darkness faded to grey and blurred blobs of light and shadow appeared in Obi-Wan's vision, slowly becoming sharper. When his vision cleared, Obi-Wan found himself standing in the Great Hall of the Jedi Temple, but it looked different that he remembered it. The pillars, the floor, the walls, everything – it was all a pure, blinding white, giving the hall a very eerie, surreal look. The sky behind the windows was dark.

The hall was completely empty – except for a tall, dark figure standing at the end of it. It was wearing a dark Jedi robe and a hood, with its back turned to Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan's heart skipped a beat. Well, at least it would have if he was still alive.

"Hello?" Obi-Wan called out. The figure ignored him, or perhaps couldn't hear him at all.

_Ironic, isn't it?_

Obi-Wan started walking towards the mysterious figure. Each step took an enormous effort; it was like trying to walk underwater, or in a dream. The figure sighed and started walking away.

"No…! Don't go, please!" Obi-Wan called after it desperately, but the figure ignored him. He tried to walk faster, to run, but he couldn't… The figure was disappearing in the distance…no… _no_ …

Unexpectedly, the figure stopped. Obi-Wan wasn't sure what made it stop, but he was glad that it did. After a while, he finally caught up to it. The tall, mysterious figure was standing before him, with its back still turned to him.

Then it turned around and removed its hood, revealing its face at last, and-

It wasn't Qui-Gon's face. It's never been.

It was Anakin's.

Obi-Wan stared at his former Padawan, confused and terrified. No… what did it mean? Was Anakin dead, too? Please, no… Could the Force really be that cruel?

The vision of Anakin only smiled and shook his head slightly. _No._ Then he winked and looked down at something on the floor. Obi-Wan followed his gaze. Oh dear. There was a _severed hand_ lying on the floor.

Well, that wasn't creepy or horrifying at all. The hand's brown-skinned fingers were still wrapped around the silver and gold hilt of Mace Windu's lightsaber.

Anakin said something, but Obi-Wan wasn't paying attention. He stared at the severed hand, transfixed.

Wait, he thought.

_Wait._

Mace Windu didn't come with them to fight Sidious. He couldn't have. He was on Utapau at the time; he went there to confront Grievous after Obi-Wan refused to. His hand couldn't have possibly ended up on the floor of Palpatine's office.

And _…_

And _that_ meant…

Suddenly, there was a very strange sensation. As if someone's hand touched his forehead; very, very gently. Its fingers were cold as ice.

And for a blinding, incredible moment, Obi-Wan suddenly _knew_ what Anakin's voice was going to say before it did. He knew it because he'd heard those three words before. He just never understood their significance until now.

"Wake up." Anakin's voice whispered. It sounded shaky, pained and absolutely terrified, and clear enough to understand for the first time. " _Please._ "

* * *

Anakin turned away from the window and wiped his eyes with his sleeve, embarrassed. How pathetic. He was still a _Jedi_ , even if he wasn't going to remain one for much longer. He was supposed to have better control of his emotions than this. With a sigh, Anakin walked a few steps and sank into an uncomfortable chair.

He cast a sad, wistful look at the motionless figure lying in the medical bed. Obi-Wan's face was unnaturally pale and still, his eyes closed. The weak rise and fall of his chest was the only sign that he was still alive.

He had survived his injuries, just barely, but… it's been over four months, and he still hasn't woken up. The Healers had gently told Anakin that he would probably never wake up. His heart had stopped for a very long time – twice. It was very likely that irreparable damage had been done.

At first, Anakin didn't believe them, even shouted at them a little for suggesting something so horrible. But as time passed, days at first, then weeks, then months, without any change at all… he was beginning to realize that they were most likely right.

"Now would be a good time to wake up, Master. I miss you, you know. A lot." Anakin said quietly, blinking away tears that threatened to start falling.

"I was in the nursery for a few hours today, as usual. Luke kept smiling at me the whole time, and Leia… figured out that she could yank at my hair and made me grimace in pain, which she found extremely funny."

Anakin made a strange noise; half a chuckle, half a sob.

"They're just… so innocent, so _pure_ , both of them. I wish… I wish you could see them…"

Anakin couldn't continue. The lump in his throat made it impossible. A single tear slowly rolled down his cheek.

Anakin reached out and gently squeezed Obi-Wan's cold hand, being very careful to avoid bumping into any of the tubes and wires attached to his arm, even though it hardly mattered. It wasn't like he could feel any pain at this point. Or anything at all.

Anakin studied his former Master's face carefully, desperately hoping for a reaction, movement, anything. But nothing happened. Not that he expected anything else.

Anakin made sure to visit Obi-Wan every day, at least for a little while, even though the Healers had told him repeatedly how pointless that was. He often talked while he was there, mostly about normal, boring things, just to fill the awful silence. About how Luke and Leia were doing, how completely useless Anakin still was at feeding and changing them, what was happening in the galaxy, or just about completely random stuff, just in case Obi-Wan could still hear him. Somehow.

But deep down, Anakin knew that the Healers were most likely right. Obi-Wan had no way to know that Anakin was even there.

Anakin glanced at his chrono. It was getting late; he should probably go. Most of the Healers already disliked him, especially since that one time when he called Master Che some pretty horrible names (although, to be fair, she had it coming). There was no point in making things even worse.

"I have to go, Master." Anakin said quietly, standing up. "I'll come back tomorrow, at least for a little while. I promise."

Anakin sighed and walked to the door. He almost had his hand on the opening button when he froze.

It was as if he sensed… _something_ … it was only a faint, fleeting feeling, but Anakin _felt_ it, he was sure of that…

He was at Obi-Wan's side in a blink of an eye, grabbing his shoulders gently. "Hey. Can you… can you hear me?"

But there was no reaction. Nothing at all.

It must have been just Anakin's mind, playing cruel tricks on him. A mix of wishful thinking and an overactive imagination. Nothing more.

 _Perhaps Master Che was right after all,_ Anakin thought bitterly. _Perhaps I shouldn't have been so quick to yell at her and call her a monster. Maybe you're already gone, and I'm only prolonging the inevitable. Maybe it would be kinder to just… let you go._

Anakin shuddered, immediately ashamed for even considering something so horrifying. _No. I won't let that happen, I can't. Never._

A strand of hair had fallen into Obi-Wan's eyes. Anakin gently brushed it away. His hair was a bit longer than usual; not by much, but enough for Anakin to notice. A painful reminder of how much time had passed.

"Wake up." Anakin whispered, despair creeping into his voice. " _Please._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you see THAT coming? :D
> 
> Since things ended up being more confusing than I intended, here is a quick summary to clear things up :)
> 
>   * Yes, he's alive!!
>   * Chapter 1 is real, Chapters 2-8 are all just a dream, Chapters 9 and up are real again
>   * The asshole voice wasn’t real, it was just Obi-Wan’s subconscious being a terrible pessimist. The other voice was, of course, Anakin :)
>   * Padme’s really dead, sorry. There are never any 100% happy endings in life. You win some, you lose some. And Anakin’s visions always came true in canon, so we’re keeping up that tradition.
>   * This was the last mindf*ck, there won’t be any more. I promise. Don’t worry. I may leave out information to avoid spoilers, but I never straight up lie. There will be some more angst (well, everybody’s going to have a little bit of PTSD, for obvious reasons), but no more big twists.
> 

> 
> P.S. FloatingFoxtrot, holy crap, you rule! How did you know? :)
> 
> Please R&R! :)


	10. The Voice - Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wakes up!

"Wake up." Anakin whispered, despair creeping into his voice. " _Please._ "

Nothing.

Anakin sank back into his chair, burying his face in his hands.

Obi-Wan stirred, groaning weakly.

Anakin's heart stopped.

"Master?" He whispered in a tremulous voice.

Obi-Wan's blue-green eyes opened, looking around in semi-conscious panic. He instinctively grabbed his oxygen mask, ripping it off, and tried to do the same with the tubes attached to his left arm. Anakin only barely managed to grab his hands in time.

"Master, stop! You'll hurt yourself."

Obi-Wan stared at him, a look of fear and absolute confusion on his face, desperately trying to twist his hands out of Anakin's grip. It broke Anakin's heart.

"Obi-Wan, it's all right. You're in the Healer's Ward, in the Temple. You were seriously injured, but it's all right now. The worst of it is behind you. You're going to be fine. Just be still. Relax. Breathe. All right? Can you hear me? Can you understand what I'm saying?"

Obi-Wan didn't respond, just stared at him. He stopped struggling, although he still looked absolutely terrified, for some reason. He tried to say something, but no sound came out.

Anakin gave his hand a small, comforting squeeze. "Hey. It's all right. Don't try to talk yet. You must be still completely out of it. Your body will need some time to wake up completely. Just breathe."

Obi-Wan shook his head and tried to speak again, his eyes wide in absolute panic. Anakin tried to lean closer, but it was no use. He couldn't hear a thing. But then he got an idea.

"I can't understand you, but… do you remember those hand signals that we sometimes use in battle? Maybe you could try that. If you can."

It was Obi-Wan who came up with that idea, a few years ago. They agreed on a few simple hand signals that could be used during battle, when they were too far away to hear each other and there was no time to fumble with a comlink. Or when they needed to relay a short message without the enemy understanding it. It had already saved their asses more than once.

There were mostly signals for words or short phrases like _let's attack now, retreat, watch out, let's call for reinforcements, wait for my signal, let's go,_ for various types of Separatist droids and ships, and for several of their most favorite tactics. They both also knew a sign for every letter in the Aurebesh alphabet, just in case they needed to say a word that didn't have a specific hand sign.

Obi-Wan nodded. His hands were shaking uncontrollably, but he managed to make the signs with his fingers anyway.

 _N… O… T…_ a letter Anakin didn't quite catch… _E… A…_ another letter Anakin didn't recognize; kriff, he was a bit more out of practice than he thought…

"Not… real?" Anakin guessed. "I'm sorry, I don't understand…"

And then, suddenly… it clicked.

"Wait. Did you have some horrible nightmare or hallucination while you were out, or something? And now… you're not sure what was real and what wasn't. Is that it?"

Obi-Wan's eyes widened and he squeezed Anakin's hand tightly, almost to the point of pain. A wordless confirmation that Anakin's guess was correct.

 _Oh,_ Anakin thought, surprised. _I can't believe I actually figured it out. On the first try, too._

And _that_ made it worth it, all of it. All of the painful hours he spent here for the past few months, and all of the times Master Che sarcastically asked him if he _really_ had nothing better to do. If he wasn't here, it would have taken the Healers _hours_ to figure out what was wrong.

Anakin almost laughed in relief. For a moment, he'd been worried that it was something much worse than that. That Obi-Wan was in some really serious pain, or that he couldn't breathe, or something like that. Hallucinations, or nightmares… it was _nothing_ , compared to that.

Well, it _wasn't_ nothing, of course. Judging from how Obi-Wan's reaction, he must have seen something absolutely horrifying. But it could have been _so_ much worse.

"It's all right." Anakin said gently. "I can tell you what happened. Do you remember when I figured out that Palpatine was Sidious, and we both went to confront him, along with ten other Masters?"

Obi-Wan gave a small, shaky nod.

Anakin continued. "We defeated him, together. You saved my life at one point. But… you were terribly injured during the fight. I didn't… I didn't think that you were going to make it. You… you couldn't breathe… you only had time to tell me that you were proud of me, and then you passed out. And then…"

Anakin shuddered, trying to push the horrifying memory out of his mind. Even four months later, he saw that day in _his_ nightmares almost every night.

"Then… you stopped breathing. Your heart stopped, too. I had to… you know. Do those things for you, for a while. Broke nearly every single one of your ribs. It got ugly."

Anakin had to pause for a moment, struggling to keep his composure.

"But then… the Healers finally showed up. They saved your life. And… that's it. You were unconscious until now. If you saw anything since then, it was just a horrible nightmare. It wasn't real."

Obi-Wan gave Anakin a strange, cold look.

 _He doesn't believe me,_ Anakin realized, horrified.

"Oh." Anakin said, realizing what the issue probably was. "I see your point. That's… exactly what a hallucination would say, isn't it?"

"But…" Anakin continued, with a small smile. "A very wise Jedi Master once taught me how to tell reality from nightmares. And by that, I mean you, of course. Remember? You just… reach into the Force, and… _ask_. As simple as that. Your eyes can deceive you. You shouldn't trust them. But the Force always tells the truth."

Obi-Wan gave Anakin a surprised look, confirming that he really _did_ forget that you could simply do that. Well, that was no surprise. He still looked completely out of it. He closed his eyes in concentration. And then…

Obi-Wan must have realized that Anakin was telling the truth, because his eyes flew open, and the Force around them rippled with a wave of pure, dizzying relief.

Oh, thank the Force, Anakin thought, releasing a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. This has really freaked him out for a moment. He had never seen his former Master so shaken and… _scared_.

Obi-Wan smiled, for the first time since he woke up. He reached out, gently brushing his fingers against Anakin's cheek. The way you would touch something precious, something you thought you'd never see again.

Anakin smiled, too. "I'm glad to see you too, Master. If you don't mind me asking… holy kriff, what horrifying thing did you _see_?"

Obi-Wan shook his head, wincing a little. Anakin wasn't sure if meant _not now_ or _I don't want to talk about it, ever,_ but decided to leave it alone for now. There would be time to talk about unpleasant things later. Not now.

"I'm sorry. Shouldn't have asked." Anakin said gently, grabbing the oxygen mask. "Anyway. You ripped this thing off when you woke up. I'll to put this back on for you, is that all okay? It'll help you breathe easier."

Obi-Wan nodded. Anakin placed the mask over his nose and mouth as gently as he could.

Now that adrenaline was slowly starting to fade away, Obi-Wan suddenly looked very, very tired. His eyes were glazed over, unfocused.

Seeing that strange, vacant look in his eyes brought a wave of horrible, horrible memories to Anakin's mind. That was exactly how his eyes looked seconds before his heart stopped. Half-open and empty, staring at nothing.

Obi-Wan must have sensed something, because he blinked slowly and gave Anakin a small smile, equal parts reassuring and understanding. He signed a few words with his fingers. _Tired, Anakin. Not dying._

Anakin nodded. "I know."

Obi-Wan's eyes drifted closed, all of his energy spent. He weakly grabbed Anakin's sleeve. The meaning behind the gesture was clear. _Stay here. Please._

Anakin chuckled softly. "What do you think I am, some kind of a monster? Force, of course I'm not leaving. Try to get some rest, if you can. You'll feel better. I'll wake you up if you have another nightmare. All right?"

There was no response. Obi-Wan was already asleep, his eyes closed. Anakin smiled a little. It was going to take a long time, but… he was going to be all right.

For a few minutes, Anakin just sat there, beaming like an idiot. It took all of his self-control to keep himself from laughing out loud. That was… holy kriff, that was _not_ what he expected to happen today.

After a moment of thought, Anakin pulled out his comlink, turned it on and typed in a quick message for the Council, asking them to reschedule the trial to a few days later.

He still had no idea how he could possibly win the trial. He already knew how all Council members were going to vote; and even with Obi-Wan's vote, it was still only going to be a tie, in which case Master Yoda had the deciding vote. And he wanted Anakin out of the Order.

But for the first time, Anakin had hope. His former Master was the best expert at finding obscure technicalities and loopholes in the rules Anakin had ever met. If anyone could do the impossible, it was him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: The code from Chapter 2 (75337) is a [T9 cipher](http://t9-emulator.herokuapp.com/) :)  
> Note 2: If you spotted the reference to a certain deleted scene from ROTS, you're awesome  
> 


	11. The Last Piece of the Puzzle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plenty of angst and sweet, sweet fluff.

* * *

_Darkness. Endless and absolute, stretching in all directions. Colder than the void between galaxies._

_A cold, evil voice laughed into Obi-Wan's ear. "Oh, hello. Welcome back. Long time no see."_

_No…! Why was he back here again? Why was it still not over?_

_"Leave me alone." Obi-Wan whispered. "I'm not afraid of you anymore."_

_The other voice, the kind one, said something; it sounded frightened. But Obi-Wan couldn't hear the words._

_The cruel voice of his subconscious giggled. "Oh yes, you are. You will always be. Deep inside, you will always be afraid that you don't know what's real anymore."_

_"No… no, that's not true…" Obi-Wan said, not sure who he was trying to convince. It_ was _true. He tried to wake himself up, but it wasn't working. No…! If this was just another nightmare, then why couldn't he wake up? It was real, wasn't it?_

Someone shook him harshly and Obi-Wan's eyes flew open, disoriented and absolutely panicked. The bright lights were shining painfully into his eyes, and someone's strong arms were wrapped around his body, preventing him from moving. Obi-Wan struggled, desperately trying to free his arms, but he couldn't.

"It's all right, it's all right." A soft, familiar voice said. A gentle hand stroked Obi-Wan's back comfortingly. "Calm down. It was just a nightmare. You're safe. Everything's all right."

Obi-Wan blinked, trying to clear his vision. Where was he…? What was happening…?

_Oh. Right._

The room came into focus, slowly; white transparisteel walls, painfully bright lights, all sorts of machines scattered through the room. The Healer's Ward in the Temple. A quick reach into the Force confirmed it. Anakin was right. It was just another nightmare, nothing more.

His mind really did enjoy torturing him.

Obi-Wan stopped struggling, letting himself slump against Anakin. He closed his eyes and just… breathed, for a few moments, trying to will his body to stop shaking. Anakin's arms were still wrapped around him, to stop him from hurting himself in his panic and to provide some much needed comfort.

"It's all right." Anakin said gently. "Do you know where you are?"

Obi-Wan dragged his eyes open and nodded. "Yes. Thank… you. I'm fine, Anakin. Just… another nightmare. I'm all right."

His own voice sounded awful; weak and raspy with disuse. But at least he was able to talk now, unlike before. Thank the Force for that.

Anakin gave him a doubtful look, but thankfully, he decided not to pry.

"Good. You seem to be much more awake than the last time. That's a good sign."

"All right. I'm going to let you go now, but try not to move too much." Anakin reminded him gently. "There's a few IVs attached to your arms. If you ripped one of those out, it wouldn't be a pretty sight."

Obi-Wan nodded. He had done that once in the past, on accident, while recovering from a different injury. It hurt like hell, and there was blood… a lot of it. Poor Anakin had almost fainted at the sight.

Slowly, Anakin released him.

"How are you feeling?" Anakin murmured. "Any pain?"

"No. Just… dizzy. And cold."

Anakin smiled. "Well, at least I can do something about one of those things." He wrapped a second blanket around Obi-Wan and set the thermostat on the wall a bit higher.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Do you need anything?"

Obi-Wan tried to swallow, but he couldn't. His throat and mouth felt parched, drier than the Tatooine desert. "Could you… bring me… a bit of water… please?"

He had no idea how he was going to actually _drink_ the water, since his hands and fingers still didn't seem to obey him as much as he would like. But perhaps if Anakin help him hold the glass, so he didn't spill it all over himself…

Anakin winced. "I'm so sorry. But I can't. Master Che's orders. She's worried that you could choke. Maybe later."

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. "This is ridiculous. I'll be fine."

He was perfectly awake, thank you very much. He wasn't going to choke and die from taking a few sips of water. And it felt like _was_ about to die from thirst.

Obi-Wan tried to put on his best pitiful expression. "Please."

"No. And that look doesn't work on me, either."

Obi-Wan closed his eyes in defeat. Great.

The joy from finding out that he was still alive was slowly fading, and reality was starting to set in. He did survive, but the following weeks… no, _months_ … they weren't going to be pleasant at all.

And the nightmares weren't about to go away, either. After Qui-Gon died… Obi-Wan had nightmares about his death almost every single night, for _months_. The same thing happened after Satine's death, too. Something was telling him that these nightmares weren't going to be much different.

 _No… I can't do this._ Obi-Wan thought desperately. _I can't…_

"Hey." Anakin said. "Open your eyes."

Anakin pushed something into his hand. A glass, with a tiny bit of water in it. It was ridiculously little, maybe a spoonful, or even less. But it was million times better than nothing.

_Oh. I must look really awful if he feels this bad for me._

"Fine." Anakin said guiltily. He helped Obi-Wan sit up. "But you have to promise me you won't tell her. And if you start choking, that is on _you_ , not me."

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. "Don't be ridiculous. I'm not going to die from drinking a tiny sip of water. It'll be fine."

Obi-Wan grabbed the glass – his hands were shaking pretty badly, but he managed to hold it just fine. The tiny bit of blissfully cold water was the best thing he had ever tasted-

Oh, Force, something was wrong…

It was as if his throat had somehow forgotten what to do, and _of course_ most of the water went down the wrong pipe. Oh gods, he couldn't breathe-

Anakin grabbed the glass out of his hand and pulled Obi-Wan into a sitting position, patting his back. Obi-Wan spent the next few minutes coughing and wheezing, clutching the back of Anakin's tunic, while his former Padawan was laughing hysterically.

"Shut– up–" Obi-Wan managed to say in between violent fits of coughing.

"I'm sorry." Anakin wheezed, tears of laughter streaming down his face. "Sorry, I can't… Now, if you're _quite_ done trying to kill yourself…"

Cue another burst of hysterical laughter, so hard that Anakin was now the one struggling to breathe. "Sorry… I swear… I'm trying to stop, but I can't-"

It took a few minutes before both of them managed to calm down.

"I'm glad you found my suffering funny." Obi-Wan said sarcastically, but he was smiling.

Anakin chuckled. "I'm so sorry. I did _not_ find your pain funny, I promise. It's just that… all right, perhaps it _was_ a bit funny…"

"It's all right." Obi-Wan said, smiling. He needed that; a bit of a laugh. A reminder that he was _alive_ , his nightmares didn't really happen, they were all just that – only a very cruel practical joke his brain had played on him. Thank the Force for that.

* * *

The door slid open and Master Vokara Che, the chief Healer of the Temple, poked her head in. For some strange reason, Anakin's expression suddenly turned very tense. Obi-Wan sensed a sudden surge of strong dislike, almost _hate_ , coming from Anakin, and he had no idea why.

"Hello, Master Kenobi." Master Che said, smiling. "I'm glad you're awake again. I'm a bit busy right now, but I'll be back in about ten minutes to do some tests, is that all right? Just to make sure there's no, well..."

"Brain damage?" Obi-Wan offered helpfully. He wasn't a child, he didn't need to be coddled. He felt fine, but knew that it was a possibility.

"Yes. That."

"Fine." Obi-Wan mumbled, resigned. Having bright lines shined into his eyes and having to answer a million questions was the _last_ thing he felt like doing right now, but he knew better than to try to argue with her.

Master Che nodded and disappeared, her long lekku bouncing after her. Obi-Wan didn't miss the cold glare Anakin cast after her as she walked away.

Obi-Wan chuckled. "What was that all about? What did she do to piss you off this time?"

Anakin's face went white. Obi-Wan immediately regretted saying anything. He only meant it as a joke, he didn't mean to-

"It's nothing." Anakin said, suddenly very tense.

Obi-Wan didn't believe that for a second, but he decided not to pry. Whatever happened between her and Anakin, it must have been something very painful. Although Obi-Wan had to admit that he was a bit curious, he decided to leave it be.

"Anyway." Obi-Wan said. "What did I miss while I was out? I hope we at least finally won the war."

Anakin smiled, relieved to change the topic.

"Of course we did, Master. The Separatist morale has been in the shitter ever since Dooku's death, and Master Windu killing Grievous so soon after that was the last straw. They surrendered just a few days after that, those cowards."

Obi-Wan closed his eyes in relief. _Oh, thank the Force. Thank the Force, thank the Force…_

"Also," Anakin continued. "you're not going to believe who got elected as Supreme Chancellor after Palpatine's death. Your old friend Bail Organa. He seems to be doing a pretty good job, too, surprisingly. I'm glad I didn't kill 'im after Zigoola."

Obi-Wan smiled a little. Anakin had hated Bail's guts ever since that disastrous mission to Zigoola. The mission was Bail's idea, but it had quickly turned into an absolute nightmare. Both Obi-Wan and Bail had come extremely close to dying there, and Anakin had never forgiven Bail for it. Obi-Wan had tried to point out multiple times that Bail had also _saved_ his life on that planet, but without much success.

"Hmm, what else…" Anakin said. "Oh, right. Maul and Ahsoka. You're not going to believe this…"

 _Oh. Right._ Obi-Wan couldn't believe that he completely forgot about _that_ in his dreams. By the time Anakin and Obi-Wan headed to Palpatine's office to confront him, Ahsoka was just on her way to Coruscant, with Maul in custody.

Anakin cackled. "The flight went smoothly, no problems. Bo-Katan had put Maul in some ancient Mandalorian contraption that stopped him from using the Force, so he couldn't escape. And when they arrived on Coruscant and opened that thing… they found him dead. The autopsy showed that he had swallowed a poison capsule. I guess that he'd rather die than face his old master again."

Anakin sighed. "A bit anticlimactic, I know. But at least we don't have to worry about _him_ anymore. Good kriffing riddance."

"I agree." Obi-Wan said quietly.

He felt conflicted. There was relief, lots of it; but also guilt, for celebrating another's death like that. Despite all of the horrible things Maul had done, Obi-Wan still felt pity for him. Maul didn't choose that life; the Nightsisters did it for him. He was misguided and vicious, but not completely evil. Not the way Sidious was.

Not that it mattered anymore.

"The production of new clones was stopped, too." Anakin continued. "It was the first thing Organa did as the Chancellor. The ones already in production are going to be fully trained, but there won't be any more of them. And… holy kriff, you're not going to believe this. Commander Rex had been doing a bit of secret investigation since Fives's death, about those organic chips in their heads – you know which ones."

"And he discovered some really scary stuff. Apparently, the chips had the ability to completely control the clone's actions. And there were… _orders_ … programmed into them. Numbered from one to hundred. To kill the Chancellor, to kill all Jedi, to kill themselves, to kill all Senators, every single one of them... terrifying stuff. Luckily, we'll never know what Palpatine was planning to do with that. All clone troopers had the chips taken out, just in case."

"Thank the Force." Obi-Wan breathed out.

"Oh, and one more thing." Anakin said. "Thank _kriff_ you made us turn those comlinks on. Without that, we both would've been executed already."

Oh. Right. Before the twelve of them left to confront Palpatine, Obi-Wan made sure that all of their comlinks were recording and sending the data straight to the computers in the Archives. They needed proof who Palpatine really was, otherwise they would have been all executed for treason. Another thing he completely forgot about in his dreams.

And then… oh, Force… he remembered something. The thing that started this all. How could he _forget_ about something so important until _now_ …?

"Anakin… how is Senator Amidala? Is she all right?"

But a part of him already knew the answer. Force visions always came true. No matter what you did.

"Dead." Anakin said, his voice strangely calm and neutral. "Brain aneurysm. My visions were correct, I'm afraid. But at least the children are all right. She had twins, a boy and a girl. I didn't know it was twins, either. I think she wanted it to be a surprise. They're in the Temple nursery for now."

Obi-Wan stared at him, horrified.

"I'm so sorry, Anakin." He whispered, painfully aware of how hollow and inadequate those words sounded. "Are you… are you all right?"

Somehow, Anakin found the strength to smile a little.

"Yes. Well… no. Not really. It _hurts_ … _so much_ … it always will. But I'll be all right. Don't worry. I'm not going to fall to the Dark Side or anything."

"That's not what I meant. Oh, Anakin, I'm _so sorry_ …"

"It's all right." Anakin said. "I'm fine. Really. The first few days were really difficult, but… I mean, it's been a few months. It got a bit easier, with time."

Anakin froze in horror, realizing what he just said.

"A few _months_?" Obi-Wan whispered. "Anakin, how long have I been out?!"

He thought it was _days_ , a week or two at _most_ …

Anakin winced, avoiding his eyes. "Four months and nine days."

Obi-Wan stared at him, horrified.

And of course that this was when Master Che happened to burst into the room, seething in anger.

"Skywalker, what the hell did you do this time? I _told_ you not to _upset_ him! Get out. _Get out!_ "

* * *

When Anakin opened the door to Obi-Wan's room the next day, he found his former Master staring blankly out of the window. His expression was strange. Empty.

But then he noticed Anakin, his expression quickly changing into a smile. "Oh. Hello, Anakin. I'm glad to see you."

"Hi, Master. Force, I'm so sorry about yesterday. I didn't mean to say it _that_ way. It just slipped out-"

Obi-Wan shook his head and smiled a little. "You don't have to apologize. I was going to find out sooner or later anyway. If anyone should be sorry, it's me. I can't even imagine how horrible it must have been for you. To have to deal with everything that happened completely alone, and for so long."

"It… wasn't pleasant." Anakin agreed quietly, staring at the floor. But then his expression brightened. "But now that you're awake and I finally have someone to annoy, it's all better. How did the tests go?"

Did Obi-Wan only imagine that, or did Anakin look oddly nervous when he said the last part? Never mind. Of course he would be worried.

Obi-Wan smiled. "Very well, actually. No detectable brain damage. Nothing at all. Thanks to you."

"Thank the Force." Anakin breathed out. "Thank the Force. You know, that thing you always say about luck, that it doesn't exist-"

"I know, I know. You never miss a chance to say 'I told you so', do you?"

Anakin smirked. "Nope."

"Anyway, I brought you some stuff." Anakin said, pulling a few things out of a small bag he had brought with him. Obi-Wan's comlink, datapad, and a few holobooks borrowed from the Archives. "After all, we both know how unbearable you get when you get bored…"

Obi-Wan smiled. "Thank you, Anakin."

He reached for one of the holobooks, to see what it was about-

There was an ear-splitting, horribly loud sound, making him almost jump out of his skin. A cacophony of discordant electronic shrieks and shrill beeps, oddly familiar…

"It's all right, it all right." Anakin said. "It's just this stupid thing again. You pulled it out."

Anakin pointed to a small sensor on Obi-Wan's finger which measured his pulse. He had accidentally pulled out the wire when he reached for the holobook. Anakin gently pushed the wire back, and the screeching stopped.

Anakin chuckled. "Don't worry, it just falls out sometimes. Whoever designed this thing deserves a good kicking. The first time it happened, I almost had a heart attack."

A strange, distant memory floated through Obi-Wan's mind.

_The dreams… the darkness… and in the darkness, a cacophony of creepy, discordant sounds…_

And another memory, too…

_After a few minutes of furious chase, Luke managed to chase the toy into a corner and grab it. He squealed victoriously and pressed half of the buttons at once, releasing a cacophony of electronic shrieks and shrill beeps._

Holy kriff, was that… was _that_ what he heard? Did his confused brain somehow incorporate real-life sounds into his nightmares? It must have.

And _that_ explained a few of the other things, too.

_Darkness. Endless and absolute, stretching in all directions. Colder than the void between galaxies…_

He _did_ feel really cold when he woke up. And the room was fairly dark, too, plus his eyes were closed… could it be…?

The memories kept coming, pieces of a puzzle falling into place one by one.

_The many voices he heard in his earlier visions… distant, echoing and impossible to understand…_

He suspected that those might have been real, too. Healers, or perhaps some people who came to see him. Bant, Quinlan, perhaps even Ahsoka. He only heard them on the first few visions, but not later.

Well, it _had_ been four months. And nobody thought that he was going to wake up again. They must have given up. He didn't blame them.

_And… oh, Force… that fleeting image he saw in his nightmares, the first thing he saw that wasn't just impenetrable darkness. A room shrouded in twilight, the faint lights of passing speeders shimmering in the distance beyond the window. A dark figure in a black cloak, standing by the window, its face obscured by shadows._

Obi-Wan almost laughed as he realized what, or who, he really saw.

_The voice of his subconscious, laughing and saying: "He can't hear you. Ironic, isn't it?"_

It _was_ ironic, that was for sure. That he kept trying get the other voice to say something, but it never did; when, in fact, it was the other way round…

_And… that presence he felt in his dreams… the voice… Kind and comforting, and strangely familiar… He thought it was Qui-Gon's voice for a while, but he couldn't have been more wrong._

_The last piece of the puzzle. The only person who never left, even when everyone else had._

Obi-Wan blinked and shook his head, returning to here and now.

"Anakin… you were here at some point while I was out, weren't you?"

Anakin rolled his eyes. "You're kidding, right? Of course I was here. I came to see you every day."

"Thank you." Obi-Wan said quietly. "And… maybe it's a stupid question, but did you ever… say anything, while you were here?"

Anakin chuckled. "I wouldn't shut up, actually. I don't know, I just thought you that might still be able to hear me, even though you probably couldn't. So I kept talking. Just about normal, random things. What was happening in the galaxy, how Luke and Leia were doing… stuff like that. Why? Wait, did you… did you actually _hear me_?"

 _Luke and Leia. Oh. So that's why I knew the name._ He must have heard it at some point, without even realizing it. His confused mind just missed the fact that there were two children instead of one.

And that also explained why some things in his visions were so accurate. That the war was over, that Bail was the Chancellor, that the production of the clones had been stopped.

Even though, of course, some other things were completely off. Padme's survival, Anakin leaving the Order, the lack of Ahsoka and Maul, and…

_Oh._

His former Padawan leaving and moving away to Naboo, _while_ Obi-Wan still seriously injured, and never coming to visit _him_ , not even once…

_I should have realized that it wasn't real based on that alone._

Obi-Wan smiled. "Of course I heard you, Padawan. I couldn't understand the words, but… yes. I knew that you were there. Thank you."

* * *

The visiting hours were over. And as much as Anakin would have liked to stay a bit longer, he wasn’t allowed to. As he was walking down the hallway towards the exit, Vokara Che caught up to him.

“You still haven’t told him, have you?” She said in a low voice, frowning.

“My trial is two weeks away. I still have time.”

For Force’s sake, his former Master only woke up _yesterday_. This was _not_ the time to ask him for help regarding the whole ‘trial and possible expulsion’ thing. That could wait, at _least_ a few more days…

Vokara Che’s expression grew colder. “I wasn’t talking about the trial. Tell him. The longer you wait, the worse it will be, I can guarantee you that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all of your amazing comments, bookmarks and kudos! You have no idea how happy they made me :)


	12. Five Percent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan finds out that he didn't escape completely unscathed from his ordeal. He doesn't take it well. At all.

* * *

Obi-Wan woke up to someone gently shaking him. Well, at least he didn't have the nightmare this time. Or if he did, he couldn't remember it. That was a nice change.

But his elation quickly faded as he opened his eyes and realized that it wasn't Anakin who woke him up. It was Vokara Che.

"I'm sorry, Obi. I know you're not feeling too great, but I need you to do a bit of physical therapy today, all right?"

Obi-Wan groaned. "Can't it wait? At least a bit?"

He felt far too dizzy and exhausted for something like that right now. A bit nauseous, too. He didn't even have the energy to read the books Anakin had brought him, let alone that…

Master Che's expression softened a little. "I'm sorry, but no. You won't get your strength back by lying down and sleeping. This is the only way."

Obi-Wan sighed, resigned. "Fine."

The exercises she made him do sounded insultingly easy, at the first glance. Sit up without assistance, pick up a very small bottle of water without dropping it immediately, write his name on a piece of flimsiplast in a somewhat legible way, and some other _very_ simple things… Easy, right?

Except… that…

_He couldn't do it._

He didn't manage to do a _single one_ of those things.

Twenty minutes of work later, Obi-Wan's face was dripping with sweat and all of the muscles in his arms and torso hurt, even ones he never knew he had. And he hadn't really managed to complete any of the exercises, not a single one…

"That's enough for today," Master Che said gently. "We'll try again tomorrow. Don't get discouraged, Obi-Wan. That was to be expected. You've been out for quite some time. It will take a while to get your strength back."

She was right, of course. He should have seen this coming. But it was hard to _not_ get discouraged. He was finally beginning to realize how _long_ this was going to take…

"All right," Master Che said. "How about your legs? Can you feel them?"

What kind of question was that? Of course he could feel them. They did feel pretty numb, but that was because he'd been lying in the same position for so long.

Why would she ask that? Why would…

And then the realization came, blinding and horrifying.

Obi-Wan touched his chest, the spot where Palpatine had stabbed him. The skin under his fingers felt rough. A scar, narrow but ugly.

Then he rolled to his side and touched his back. His fingers touched the outline of _something_ under his skin, something that didn't belong there. A strange device, wrapped around his spine like a metallic, horrifying spider.

_No… oh Force, please no…_

"I'm so sorry. I thought Skywalker had told you," Master Che said.

"Told me _what…_?"

Her expression looked so sad.

"When Sidious stabbed you… his blade burned right through your spine. That's also why you had so much trouble breathing after it happened. The Force can fix many things, but… not this, I'm afraid. We had to attach a device to your spine to carry the electrical impulses around the damaged section. The feeling in your lower extremities will never the same, I'm afraid. But it will get better as your brain adjusts to the implant. You should be able to do everything you used to, in time. Walk, run, perhaps even fight…"

She kept talking, but Obi-Wan could no longer hear the words. There was a strange roar in his ears, loud enough to drown out all other sounds. A few black spots appeared in his vision.

"Get out." He whispered. His voice sounded odd, foreign, as if it didn't even belong to him anymore. "Please. Leave me alone."

She gave his shoulder a sympathetic squeeze and left.

Obi-Wan pulled the blankets to the side and tried to touch his legs. Some spots were completely numb; in others, he could feel the touch a little, but not much. He could feel maybe ten percent of what he used to, or even less.

And when he tried to move his legs, it was even worse. His toes didn't move at all, as if they didn't even belong to him anymore. He could move his knees and ankles a little bit, but that was it.

_A little bit._

Not enough to walk. Not enough to even stand up.

 _How could I not notice until now_?

Of course, deep inside, he knew. He had been lying down for the past few days and wasn't entirely conscious most of that time. He simply didn't notice. It was as simple and pathetic as that.

The second question was much worse.

_Why didn't Anakin tell me?_

Why would Anakin let him believe that everything was going to be all right again, when he knew full well that it _wasn't_?

Obi-Wan curled up into a fetal position on his side; he could barely even do _that_ , he had to use his hands to pull his knees to his chin. And…

…let the tears fall.

* * *

As soon as Anakin entered Obi-Wan's room a few hours later, he instantly knew what had happened. His former Master was lying on his side, staring blankly at the window. His eyes were dead. Empty.

"She told you," Anakin whispered.

Obi-Wan gave him a cold look. "Yes. She did. No thanks to you."

Anakin had no idea what to say.

"Later," Obi-Wan continued, "she also told me about your trial and probable expulsion, so thanks for not telling me that, either. I guess I should be wondering what _else_ you're keeping from me."

"Nothing," Anakin whispered quietly. "Nothing else, I swear. I… Force, I'm so sorry… I _was_ going to tell you… I'm sorry… I just…"

"You just… _what_? Why did you made me believe that everything was going to be _all right again_ , when you _knew_ that it _wasn't_?" Obi-Wan spat out, his voice filled with pain and anger. " _Why?_ Your idea of some sick joke?"

"No!" Anakin gasped, horrified. "It wasn't a joke, Force, I would never… I just… I didn't know how to start…"

And that was the truth, as simple and pathetic as that.

"When you woke up, you had so much to deal with already. Losing four months of your life, all that discomfort and pain, and those horrible nightmares… I couldn't bring myself to tell you, not when you looked so miserable already. I thought… I just wanted to give you a few days, and then I _was_ going to tell you, I swear—"

"No. You must have known that I was going to find out before that. You wanted to spare _your_ feelings, not mine. You're a coward, Anakin. You've always been. I thought I raised you better than that, but I was wrong."

Anakin winced, a few hot tears slowly rolling down his cheeks. That last part had cut straight to the bone. It _hurt_ , million times worse than Palpatine's lightning had.

"I'm sorry," Anakin mumbled miserably.

For a while, they sat in uncomfortable silence.

"How bad is it?" Anakin asked.

"Not good. I can feel about ten percent of what I used to. As for movement, it's maybe five percent, or even less."

Anakin buried his face in his hands. "I'm so sorry."

Another silence. Even longer this time.

"You know," Anakin said, "it _will_ get better. In time. I—"

"Oh, thank you." Obi-Wan spat out, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Thank you so much. What else are you going to say? That everything happens for a reason? That every cloud has a silver lining? Please spare me the platitudes. That's pathetic even by _your_ low standards."

Anakin sighed, staring at the floor. No, that was _not_ what he was going to say. He was trying to make a very different point. But it was probably better to keep his mouth shut for now. Arguing would make things even worse.

"Oh, and one more thing," Obi-Wan said. "I think I finally figured it out. Why you hate Master Che so much."

Anakin shook his head. "Please, don't…"

"It was actually quite simple. I should have figured it out a long time ago. I was out for over four months, and _no one_ thought that I was going to wake up, not even her. She told you to let me die, didn't she? That's why you're so angry at her."

"Yes," Anakin mumbled, a fresh wave of tears rolling down his cheeks.

"After a few months, she… she told me that… you weren't going to wake up, that it was impossible. She said that if I disconnected that tube in your arm, it would be over in a few days. You wouldn't feel any discomfort. You wouldn't even know. She said that it would be kinder. But I couldn't. I couldn't let her do that. I called her a monster for saying something so awful."

Actually, Anakin had called her much worse than that; it was a very long, expletive-filled sentence. The most profane words were in Huttese, which she didn't speak, although it wasn't hard to guess their meaning from the context. And the next thing Anakin had said wasn't exactly nice, either.

 _If you kill him, I'll kill_ you _. I'm not kidding._

Obi-Wan's eyes was colder than the dark void between galaxies. "Well, maybe you should have listened to her. It _would_ have been kinder."

Anakin stared at him, horrified. " _What?_ How could you… how could you _say_ something like that?"

Obi-Wan's self-control slipped, just for a moment. "You think this is fun for me?" he hissed. Anakin had never heard such bitterness in his voice.

"Do you think _this_ is kinder? I can't sleep, not with those kriffing machines beeping all of the time. All I want is to go to my quarters and get some sleep, but I _can't_. I won't be able to, for _months_. And every time I _do_ fall asleep, I have the same nightmare, over and over.

I can't sit up without passing out. I can't keep anything down without puking all over the place. And I can't even _walk_. Not even _stand up_. I have no way to know how much that will improve, or even if it ever will. Re-learning things gets much harder with age, and I'm not exactly in my twenties anymore. It's very likely that I'll be stuck in the Temple for the rest of my life, a cripple. So, thanks for that, Anakin. I hope you feel proud of yourself."

Anakin stared at him, absolutely horrified. _Oh, Force…_ he had no idea that it was _this_ bad.

Anakin wanted to say something, he _had_ to say something, but… what? Any words he could say would just sound hollow, useless. Anything he could say would just make things worse.

"Anakin," Obi-Wan said, his voice calm and quiet once more. Not angry. Just bitter and disappointed. "Please do me a favor, will you? _Leave._ And don't come back."

"All right." Anakin said softly. "But… if you change your mind… just give me a call. Please. You _don't have to_ deal with this alone—"

Anakin stopped mid-sentence. Judging from his former Master's expression, he was about to have a holobook thrown at his head if he didn't shut up.

"Fine." Anakin sighed, and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please R&R!


	13. Minutes to Midnight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the first chapter that comes with a TRIGGER WARNING: Angst, depression, and, uh… mentions of suicide. Not kidding. Proceed with caution.

* * *

_"Kathy, I'm lost," I said, though I knew she was sleeping._

_I'm empty and aching and I don't know why._

_\- Simon & Garfunkel, America _

* * *

Over the course of the next few days, Anakin tried to call Obi-Wan several times, just in case he had changed his mind. But the lack of response had made his former Master’s opinion on the matter fairly clear.

At one point, Anakin threw caution to the wind and decided to show up anyway, but he didn’t get very far. Master Che spotted him in the hallway and told him, in no uncertain terms, to piss off.

So, over the past few days, Anakin had spent as much time as he could with his children instead. He didn’t have much else to do, anyway. During the past few months, he would often help Master Drallig with lightsaber classes for the more advanced Padawans, but the Council didn’t schedule Anakin for any classes this month.

It wasn’t hard to guess why. His trial was in just over a week, and the Council fully expected him to be kicked out. There was no point in assigning him any classes when he was about to be expelled soon anyway.

 _Well, at least the packing is going to be quick,_ Anakin thought bitterly.

Just like all Jedi, he didn’t have many possessions. Some clothes, a repair kit and spare parts for his mechanical hand, some old holophotos, R2-D2, and a few Padme’s trinkets he had kept to remind him of her. That was it.

Padme had technically left C-3PO to Anakin in her will, but there was nothing for a protocol droid to do in the Temple. Anakin had asked Bail Organa to take care of him.

Anakin didn’t even have a lightsaber. He never built a new one after his old lightsaber got blown up. The trip to Ilum and back would have taken several days, and he didn’t want to be away from Coruscant for that long, for obvious reasons. Also, what would be the point? If the Council kicked him out, they would make him turn the lightsaber in anyway. He didn’t want to give them that pleasure.

But even spending time with Luke and Leia didn’t go too well. They always seemed to be very fussy and irritable when Anakin was there. The Force was every bit as strong with them as it was with him. They must have been able to sense his emotions, at least to some degree.

Great. He didn’t mean to, and yet he somehow managed to hurt absolutely everyone around him.

* * *

Anakin put the tools down and moved the fingers of his right hand around, making sure they worked correctly. He had spent the past few hours replacing several parts in his mechanical arm. They didn't need to be replaced _that_ urgently; they weren't really broken, just a bit bent after one of the senior Padawans kicked the training saber out of his hand during Master Drallig's class.

But at least it was something to do. It was certainly better than lying in his bed and staring at the ceiling.

Anakin sighed and glanced at the chrono on the wall. _Kriff._ It was almost midnight. He should really go to sleep. Or at least try.

Although he really wasn’t looking forward to it. He had nightmares sometimes, too. They got particularly bad in the last few days. Every time he closed his eyes, he was haunted by all too recent memories.

_Padmé looking at him in absolute terror, whispering that something was wrong, a second before her eyes rolled back into her head and her body went into a violent, horrifying seizure. Those were the last words she said to him._

_Palpatine’s hateful yellow eyes, staring down at him._

_A cackling, inhuman laughter echoing in his ears._

_“Anakin, please do me a favor, will you? Leave. And don't come back.”_

_Ahsoka gently closing Anakin’s fingers around her old Padawan braid. “I’m sorry, Master. But I’m not coming back.”_

Anakin shook his head, pushing the painful memories away.

His comlink rang. Anakin’s heart leapt into his throat. It was Obi-Wan.

“Anakin,” his former Master greeted him quietly. “I… I’m sorry. I hope I’m not bothering you, calling this late. I’m sorry if I woke you up.”

“No, you didn’t,” Anakin assured him, with a small, relieved smile appearing on his face. “It’s all right. You know what I’m like. I always stay up late. Force… how _are_ you? Are you all _right_?”

Obi-Wan didn’t answer. Anakin mentally kicked himself for asking such a question. What answer did he expect? He was pretty clearly _not_ all right.

“Anakin… I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry,” Obi-Wan said. His voice sounded awful. Full of pain, and so faint that Anakin could barely hear him. But at least he was willing to speak to Anakin again. It was a start.

“Those things I said to you when we last spoke… they weren’t true, not a single word of it. You’re not a failure, Anakin. Or pathetic, or a coward. If anything, that’s me, not you.”

 _What?_ Anakin thought. _That’s ridiculous._ His former Master was no coward.

“I… I wasn’t… myself, when I said those things,” Obi-Wan continued, staring off to the side, away from the camera. “I didn’t mean them. But that’s no excuse. I’m sorry I went off on you like that. I was angry when I said that, but not at you, Anakin. Never you. More like… at the universe in general. But I took it out on you. I treated you like a monster. I’m so sorry.”

“That’s enough,” Anakin chastised him gently. “Stop. You don’t need to apologize. I know you didn’t mean it. I’m not mad at you. All right? If anything, you seem to be taking it pretty well, all things considered.”

Anakin remembered what _he_ was like right after losing his right arm. Force, he was absolutely horrible to _everyone_ , and not for just a few days. For _weeks_. He had said some pretty awful things to Obi-Wan at the time.

In fact, the first thing Anakin said to Obi-Wan after losing his arm was something along the lines of _‘it’s your fault’_ . Which didn’t even make any _sense_ , since it was _Anakin_ who had rushed at Dooku like an idiot. But at the time, he was so out of his mind with shock, anger and grief that he didn’t even register it.

“Anakin…?” Obi-Wan said. His voice sounded so sad, even though the low-quality speaker. “Could I… talk to you? In person? Could you… come as soon as you can?”

Anakin smiled, a wave of relief washing over him.

“Of course. I will. I’m afraid that Master Che would rip my head off if I showed up at this hour, but I’ll be there tomorrow, as early as I possibly can. I promise.”

For a while, Obi-Wan didn’t answer.

“Anakin…” he said finally. The look in his eyes was heartbreaking. A quiet, frightened plea for help. “I don’t want to bother you, but… is there a way you could come right now?”

Anakin’s heart broke. “Master, I’d love to, but I _can’t_ . Master Che won’t let me. I’m already on a very thin ice with her. If I try to barge in, she _will_ ban me from visiting you ever again, I can guarantee you that.”

“Oh… right,” Obi-Wan said quietly, avoiding Anakin’s eyes. “Sorry. I… guess I’ll see you tomorrow, then. And, once again… sorry for all of those things I said to you.”

He moved his hand to end the call.

“No, wait…!” Anakin gasped, an inexplicable sensation of cold and dread spreading through his body. He couldn’t let the call end like this.

“Obi-Wan, wait. I changed my mind. I’m coming right now, is that all right? I’ll figure something out. I’ll sneak past her or something. I’ll be there in ten minutes. All right?”

Obi-Wan blinked in surprise, and… was it just an artifact of the hologram, or did he smile a little, too?

“Thank you,” he whispered, almost inaudibly. The call ended.

Anakin put on his boots and cloak, and ran.

* * *

About ten minutes later, Anakin quietly walked into Obi-Wan’s room in the Healer’s Ward, closing the door behind him. All lights were off, since all patients were supposed to be sleeping, but there was a bit of light coming in through the open blinds.

Not that Anakin needed light. All Jedi could move around in total darkness as almost surely as they could in broad daylight. Sometimes, when Anakin was a Padawan, Obi-Wan would close all blinds and shut off all lights, plunging their shared quarters into total darkness for a few hours. It was an exercise to teach Anakin to rely on the Force instead of his senses, but it was also surprisingly fun.

Sure, sometimes Anakin would mess up and spill something all over the place, miss his mouth with the fork while eating, or lose his concentration and walk straight into a wall. But… it was just fun, that was all. He missed it.

Obi-Wan was lying on his side, staring out of the window. Force, he looked _awful_. He was deathly pale and there were dark circles under his eyes, as if he hadn’t gotten a single minute of sleep since Anakin last saw him.

But his eyes were the worst. Oh, Force… Anakin had never seen so much pain in someone’s eyes before.

Anakin sat down next to him and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Hey. I’m here.”

For a moment, his former Master looked almost… surprised. As if he hadn’t expected Anakin to really show up. It broke Anakin’s heart.

“Thank you, Padawan,” Obi-Wan whispered. “Seriously… thank you. You have no idea… how glad I am to see you. How did you get here?”

 _Padawan._ Once in a while, Obi-Wan would still call him that, even though Anakin had passed his trials a long time ago. It was never on purpose; it just slipped out, sometimes. A hard habit to break, after so many years. At the beginning, it used to irk him; he wasn’t a child anymore, he didn’t want to be addressed as one. But now, he didn’t mind it. At all. The old title reminded him of simpler times, before the war. Better times.

Anakin smiled. “It wasn’t too difficult. Not my first time sneaking through enemy lines.”

Obi-Wan gave him a faint smile, but it quickly faded away.

“Anakin, the way I treated you the last time we spoke… it was monstrous. _I’m so sorry_ …”

Anakin rolled his eyes. “Master, if you say that word _one more time_ , I swear I’ll hit you. _Stop_. That’s enough. You already apologized, and I already forgave you. You don’t need to do it again. All right?”

“Hit a cripple? You wouldn’t.”

Anakin sighed. “You’re _not_ a cripple. Your feeling and movement _will_ get much better, I promise you that. In a year, you’ll barely even know that it happened.”

Obi-Wan gave him a bitter, resigned look. He remained silent, but Anakin could tell what he was thinking. _I disagree, but I don’t have the energy to argue with you right now._

There was a long, uncomfortable silence.

“I think I should clear something up,” Anakin said finally. “About what I told you the last time we spoke, that it was going to get better. I didn’t mean it as a platitude. I told you that because I know it.”

Anakin pulled off his glove, revealing his mechanical arm. A mess of metal, plastic and multi-colored wires.

Obi-Wan felt like he got slapped in the face. Oh, Force, he… he _forgot_. He completely forgot about the mechanical arm. About the fact that Anakin knew better than anyone what he was going through right now.

“Do you remember how little control I had over that thing when I first got it?” Anakin asked with a small smile.

“I couldn’t do _anything_ with it. Or feel anything. I couldn’t dress myself, eat, fly, fight, not even pick anything up without either dropping or crushing it. And when it was time to rebuild my lightsaber, I couldn’t even do that. You had to do all of the welding for me. Remember?”

Yes, Obi-Wan remembered. The first few weeks after his Padawan’s injury were horrible. The trouble he had adjusting to the new mechanical arm, the long hours of grueling physical therapy, the excruciating phantom pains that wouldn’t go away. Not to mention that Anakin had just lost his mother as well. It was awful.

Anakin had tried to hold it together as best as he could, but there were still times when he woke up in the middle of the night, screaming from horrible nightmares about his mother’s death, the massacre on Geonosis, and Dooku cutting off his arm.

There were still times when Obi-Wan would find his Padawan sitting curled up into a ball, overwhelmed by pain, both physical and mental. And there was nothing he could do but wrap his arm around Anakin’s shoulders and sit beside him for hours until it passed.

“But now…” Anakin began. He pulled out a coin out of his pocket, flipped it high in the air and caught it between his ring and little finger, as if it was the easiest thing in the world.

“Now, most of the time I forget it’s even there. Sure, the feeling and movement is not the same. It will never be back to hundred percent. But… maybe ninety. Perhaps even ninety-five. But has it affected my fighting? Or piloting, or anything else?”

Obi-Wan had to shake his head. No. It hadn’t. If anything, Anakin had become even more skillful at those things since his injury.

Anakin pulled back his sleeve, revealing the part where the metal connected to the flesh.

“There’s a neural implant in my arm which connects my nerves with the mechanical arm. You have a very similar one in your spine. In fact, yours is even better, since it’s three years newer.”

Anakin let his sleeve fall back down.

“The way these implants work… at first, your brain has no idea what to do with it. It has to learn to communicate with that thing. That takes time and practice, that’s all there is to it. You didn’t have that time yet, since you had been in a coma until a few days ago. But now that you’re awake, it’ll get a bit better every day. Master Che didn’t explain that?”

Obi-Wan winced. “I’m afraid I might have been, uh… refusing to talk to her for the past few days.”

Anakin smirked a little. “I see.”

Anakin gently squeezed Obi-Wan’s shoulder, intentionally using his right hand, the robotic one.

“Look, I just want you to know that… you don’t have to go through this alone. I know that the next few months won’t be pleasant, but… I’ll be with you every step of the way. Just like you were for me. All right?”

For a while, Obi-Wan said nothing.

“Every _step_ of the way?” he said finally, smirking a little. “I think I feel offended by that phrase.”

Anakin stared at him for a second, and then… they both started laughing at the same time. A tiny sign of things starting to return to normal.

Well, it was going to take a long time before _that_ really happened. But it would. One day.

* * *

For a long time, they sat in a comfortable silence, staring at the never-sleeping city behind the window. Anakin would have been quite content to simply sit like that for the rest of the night, just enjoying the peace. But there was one more thing he had to ask.

“Obi-Wan… can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“All right. Please don’t be mad at me for asking this. But… some of the things you said earlier scared me a bit. When you said that I should have left you to die. And when you called yourself a coward. I just… want to make sure you weren’t thinking about… you know. Doing something stupid.”

Obi-Wan didn’t answer, just stared at the floor, avoiding Anakin’s eyes. Anakin gently grabbed his shoulders, resisting an urge to shake him as hard as he could.

“Hey. Talk to me. Just… yes or no, that’s all I need to know. If it’s a no, I swear I’ll stop bugging you about this.”

 _Please be a no,_ Anakin begged the Force. _Please be a no, please…_

Obi-Wan let out a long, defeated sigh, and covered his face with his shaking hands.

“Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorryyyyy! :) But we’re keeping things realistic, as always.
> 
> Note: I got a bit of inspiration from the “phone call” scene from Requiem for a Dream. Which is an absolute masterpiece of a movie, although also depressing as hell.


	14. Without Granting Innocence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title of this chapter is a reference to a certain awesome song from The Fray (which I now have stuck in my head).
> 
> WARNING: The trigger warning from the last chapter is still in effect.

Anakin’s blood ran cold.

 _I knew it,_ he thought, horrified.

A part of him had known it even before he came here. The call… it didn’t sound like an apology.

It sounded like a goodbye.

“Are you… okay?” Anakin fretted. “As in, physically? You didn’t—”

“I’m fine, Anakin. I didn’t… _do_ anything. Don’t worry.”

Anakin wasn’t exactly willing to take his word for it. He gently pressed his fingers against his friend’s forehead, letting his Force perception flow through his entire body. But Obi-Wan was telling the truth. He wasn’t hurt. Well, aside from the whole paralysis thing.

“Why would you want to _do_ something so horrible?” Anakin whispered. “ _Why?_ ”

But as soon as he asked that, he already knew the answer. Obi-Wan had _told_ him, the last time they spoke in person.

The very real possibility that he was going to be crippled for the rest of his life. The torturous nightmares, the nausea, the lack of sleep, the pain and horrible discomfort, the knowledge that none of those things were going to go away, for _months_ , perhaps even years. And perhaps the awful things he’d been through during the war didn’t exactly help, either. Jabiim, Zigoola, Mandalore, Kadavo, and countless other horrors.

It was just… too much, in a too short time.

“Forget it,” Anakin mumbled. “I know why. You tried to tell me, but I wasn’t listening. I’m so sorry. A better question would be, what the hell were you planning to _do_?”

With a defeated sigh, Obi-Wan pulled something from under his mattress and dropped it into Anakin’s palm.

At first, Anakin had no idea what it was; in the near-darkness, the thing looked like a pen or something, barely longer than Anakin’s finger. But then he saw the thing’s metallic blade glimmer in the faint light coming from the window. Anakin’s heart stopped in horror.

It was a vibroblade scalpel, the kind used in surgeries. Those things could cut through skin and veins at the slightest touch.

Anakin almost threw up.

A flood of unwanted, horrifying images flashed through in his mind. Of what could have happened. What probably _would_ have happened, if he had gone to sleep a little bit earlier. Or if he had waited until the next day to show up.

Anakin’s metallic fingers crushed the miniature motor which made the vibroblade work, rendering it useless, and stuffed the now harmless piece of metal into his pocket. There were no trash cans in here, and he didn’t want to leave that thing there anyway.

“Where did you even get that thing?”

“I stole it from a medical droid. It didn’t notice.”

Anakin buried his face in his hands.

And then… he just couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t just sit here and do _nothing_ , while his former Master, his best friend, was in that much pain. So much pain that even taking his own life would have hurt less.

Anakin wrapped his arms around Obi-Wan in a crushing hug. He fully expected to be harshly shoved away, but Obi-Wan didn't seem to react at all. He just kept his face burrowed against Anakin's shoulder. An almost imperceptible shiver ran through his frail body, and Anakin could barely feel when the first tear wet his sleeve. Then, another one. And after that, a horrible, pain-filled, heart-wrenching sob.

“It’s all right,” Anakin murmured quietly, stroking his back; the upper half of it, the part he could still feel. “It’s all right. I’m here. You’re safe. Everything’s going to be all right.”

Anakin expected another bitter remark about platitudes, but none came. His heart broke as his former Master wrapped his arms around Anakin and clutched the back of Anakin’s tunic desperately, as if he was drowning.

He was shaking uncontrollably, Anakin noticed with dismay, and he doubted that it was just from the cold. There were more painful, shaky sobs, nearly inaudible. Anakin wrapped another blanket around him and rubbed his back gently, although he doubted it helped much.

A quick glance at the monitors revealed another problem. Obi-Wan’s heart rate and breathing was worryingly high and getting even worse; any higher than that, and that stupid machine would start sounding alarms, alerting the Healers. That was really the last thing they needed right now.

Anakin was sure that Obi-Wan had some kind of a plan to get rid of the alarms when he did what he was planning to do; but whatever that plan was, he clearly hadn’t done it yet.

“Master, I know that this is going to sound really shitty, but I need you to calm down a little. So that this stupid machine won’t start sounding the alarms. Can you do that?”

“I… can’t,” Obi-Wan whispered, desperately trying to stop the hyperventilating and the shaky sobs. “I’m… trying… can’t…”

“Of course you can,” Anakin said, keeping his voice calm and gentle, even though internally he was freaking out as well. “Just… listen to my breathing. Try to match it with yours. Can you do that? Slower… slower. That’s it. Just keep breathing. Slowly. Very slowly. That’s it. That’s it…”

It wasn’t real meditation; Anakin doubted that either of them was capable of that right now. It was only a simple breathing exercise every Youngling in the Temple knew. But, slowly, very slowly… it started working. That was enough.

Some time later—fifteen minutes, half an hour, it didn’t matter—the shaking and sobs finally stopped. Obi-Wan was slumped in Anakin’s arms, completely still, looking absolutely exhausted.

His eyes were closed, but Anakin could sense that he was still awake. He stirred, wincing a little.

“That was pathetic,” Obi-Wan mumbled. “I’m sorry… you had to see that.”

Anakin rolled his eyes. “You remember what I said about that word, right? Do you want to get punched? I have a robotic hand, you know. It would really hurt.”

Obi-Wan smiled a little. “No.”

He stirred again, grimacing in pain. “Aaaah. I’m sorry, but… could you let me go for a bit? My back hurts.”

Anakin slowly released him and helped him lie back down. Obi-Wan rolled over to his side, closing his eyes in relief. “Thanks.”

Anakin was silent for a while. He really wasn’t looking forward to this conversation, but he had no choice.

“Obi-Wan, I’m sorry, but I _have_ to tell someone about this. This is serious.”

 _That_ certainly provoked a reaction. Obi-Wan’s eyes flew open in absolute panic. “No…! Don’t. _Please, don’t_ . Anakin, I’ve never begged you for anything, but I _am_ begging you now. _Please_. Don’t tell anyone what I told you. I’ll never forgive you if you do. I won’t do anything stupid, I promise.”

Anakin desperately wanted to argue. Force, this was no joke.

But… there was something else. When his former Master needed help the most, he had called _him_. Not Quinlan, or Bant, or any of the Healers. Him. Perhaps Anakin was the only person in the galaxy his former Master still trusted. He couldn’t betray that trust. If he did, all would be lost.

“Fine,” Anakin sighed. “But I have conditions. One, you will pick up your comlink every time I call you. Two, you will allow me to visit you every day, at least for a little bit. And three, you _will_ talk to the Mind Healers. I don’t care _what_ you tell them—that you’re having nightmares, that you’re depressed, or anything else. You don’t have to tell them about today, but you _will_ agree to talk to them.”

Obi-Wan considered it for a moment. “Deal,” he said finally. “But you _have_ to swear you won’t tell anyone.”

“I swear it.” Anakin said. “I’ll take it to my—“

Anakin winced, mentally kicking himself. “Holy kriff, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have phrased it _that_ way—”

Obi-Wan chuckled a little. “It’s all right. No need to apologize.”

He suddenly looked very tired. His eyes drifted closed, but Anakin could sense that he was still awake. After a while, he smiled, his eyes still closed. “Congratulations, Anakin. How many is it now? Twelve?”

“Thirteen, actually. Cato Neimoidia still counts.”

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes, but didn’t have the energy to argue.

“You look awful,” Anakin whispered. “Try to get some sleep, if you can. You’ll feel better.”

Obi-Wan groaned. “I _can’t_. Not with that stupid machine making that noise.”

“ _Oh_ ,” Anakin said, suddenly remembering something. “The last time we spoke, I was actually going to tell you that I could help you with that, but you kicked me out before I could say it.”

Anakin grabbed the offending machine and turned it around a little, showing Obi-Wan a tiny, unmarked switch on the back of it. “See that switch? It mutes the stupid thing. It will still measure your pulse and all that, and it will be still connected to the nurse’s room, so if anything went wrong, it would still sound an alarm on their end. But at least you won’t have to hear the annoying beeping.”

Anakin flipped the switch, plunging the room into a blissful silence.

“Thank you. Thank you…” Obi-Wan whispered, closing his eyes in relief. After five days of having his nerves scraped raw, the abrupt silence was the most beautiful sound he’d ever heard.

Then he opened his eyes, frowning suspiciously. “How did you know about that? I’ve been stuck in this place more times than I can count, and even _I_ didn’t know about it.”

Anakin suddenly looked very uncomfortable.

“I… I just do,” Anakin said, avoiding his eyes. “The last time _I_ got hurt, I was really bored, so, uh, that’s when I figured it out.”

Obi-Wan smiled a little. _Oh, Anakin._ His poor, kind former Padawan, who was always trying to protect him and who was so terrible at lying.

“Let me guess, Anakin. When our least favorite Healer told you to leave me to my fate, she showed that switch to you. After all, I can imagine that this machine would be making all sorts of unpleasant alarms… well… near the end. She didn’t want you to hear that. Right or wrong?”

Anakin sighed, defeated. “Spot on, as always.”

Obi-Wan nodded and closed his eyes again. The silence was so nice. He doubted he was going to be able to fall asleep, but… perhaps he could rest his eyes, for… just a moment.

“Obi-Wan?”

“Hmm?”

“Just… thanks for calling me. That’s all.”

Obi-Wan gave him a faint smile. “Thanks for coming.”

“Any time.”

Now that the adrenaline was slowly fading away, it was becoming surprisingly difficult to stay awake. Obi-Wan’s eyes drifted closed, against his will, and he didn’t have the energy left to open them again.

He could dimly hear Anakin say something, but he was far too tired to piece the words together. The last thing he remembered was a sensation of cool metallic fingers gently squeezing his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please read & review! You have no idea how much your comments warm my soul :)


	15. Trials, Letters and Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day of the dreaded trial comes. Also, some confessions are made, Obi-Wan finally tells Anakin about his nightmares, and Anakin reads something he really shouldn't have.

* * *

_"_ _You are technically correct_ — _the best kind of correct."_

— _Futurama_

* * *

Anakin sat completely still beside the window, watching the faint lights of passing speeders across the unending sprawl of tall buildings. He looked beyond them at Coruscant's four moons and the millions of stars shining in the sky. A vast, endless galaxy, which only completes one rotation every billion years and which had done so twelve times already.

Obi-Wan stirred. His eyes remained closed, but his face twisted into a distressed grimace. His heart rate and breathing became worryingly fast.

Kriff. Another nightmare, most likely. Anakin grabbed his shoulders and shook gently, but nothing happened.

“Hey. Wake up,” Anakin hissed, shaking him a bit more harshly this time.

Obi-Wan’s eyes flew open, looking around in absolute confusion and panic. It took him several seconds to calm down and remember where he was.

“Oh,” he mumbled finally, closing his eyes in relief. “I’m… I’m all right, Anakin. Just a nightmare. Thanks.”

Anakin sighed. “They’re not getting any less frequent, are they?”

“Not yet, I’m afraid.”

“Maybe it would help if you told me about what it is.”

“And how would that help? It wouldn’t make them stop.”

“No,” Anakin admitted. “But… at least you wouldn’t have to deal with it completely alone?”

Obi-Wan seemed to consider it for a moment.

“Maybe another time,” he said finally. While that wasn’t the answer Anakin had hoped for, well, at least it wasn’t an outright _no_. That was a start. Obi-Wan rubbed his forehead, looking out of the window. The sky outside was still dark, dotted with stars. “How long have I been out?”

“Only about two hours. Try to get back to sleep, if you can.”

“I’m afraid that it’s not going to happen,” Obi-Wan sighed. His heart was still pounding from the nightmare. He doubted he would be able to fall asleep any time soon.

“Anakin, I know what you said about apologizing, but… I’m so sorry. For all of this. You have _so much_ to deal with already. Taking care of the twins, the upcoming trial, the loss of your wife… and undoubtedly a lot of other very painful memories. Probably your own nightmares as well. You shouldn’t have to also deal with… well, all of _this_ . I should be helping _you_ , instead of… dragging you here in the middle of the night just because I was feeling sorry for myself.”

Anakin stared at him, absolutely horrified. “ _What?_ Please don’t talk about yourself like that. It’s not true. And besides, you _have_ already helped me. Much more than you know.”

Obi-Wan gave him a doubtful look.

Anakin hesitated. A part of him wanted to take this secret to his grave, but… kriff it. If there was a right moment to say it, this was it.

“Master, when you agreed to stay here instead of going to Utapau, you saved me from a fate worse than death. Sidious… he was manipulating me, and I was too stupid to see it at the time. He was trying to turn me against the Order, against the Council, even against you. He tried to convince me that joining him was the only way to save Padme’s life.”

Anakin glanced down and realized his hands were anxiously twisting in his lap. He consciously clasped them together, took a deep breath, and forced himself to look at Obi-Wan's face. He wanted Obi-Wan to listen carefully to his next words.

“And… I was beginning to believe him. If you weren’t there to talk some sense into me, I think he would have won. My relationship with Padme… it was never healthy. I wasn’t just in love with her; I was obsessed. I was willing to do anything to save her, even… horrible things. And if you weren’t there… I probably would have.”

Obi-Wan gave him a long, unreadable look. ”No,” he said finally. “I don’t think so. I _know_ you, Anakin. You would have never fallen to the Dark Side.”

Anakin wanted to argue, but something was telling him that there was no point. That Obi-Wan was never going to believe how close Anakin had come to falling.

It didn’t matter, in the end, Anakin realized. The brief taste of the Dark Side and the realization of the horrors he was capable of… it had absolutely terrified him. He would _never_ let Darkness get such a hold of him again. He’d rather die than let it happen.

* * *

“Anakin… your trial. When is it?”

“It’s still over a week away. Don’t worry about that right now.”

Obi-Wan frowned. “That’s not how worrying about things _works_. If Master Che told me correctly, five Council members are planning to vote to let you stay: Plo Koon, Shaak Ti, Stass Allie, Aayla Secura and Ki-Adi-Mundi. Since I’m still a member as well, my vote would make that six. The other six of them want to expel you. Is that correct?”

“Yes. But even with your vote, it would only be a tie, which means that old Yoda would have the deciding vote. And he wants to kick me out. I’m screwed.”

“Hmm,” Obi-Wan said. Did it only look that way in the low light, or was he actually smirking? “I think we can do better than a tie.”

Anakin stared at him. “Wait. You already have a plan?”

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. “Of course I have a plan. You didn’t think I was going to let them expel you, did you?”

“I hope you’re not planning to threaten to leave the Order again. Because that won’t work. Not this time. They’re angry at you as well. Windu accused you of knowing about me and Padmé for quite some time and not telling them. If you tried to pull that move again, it would end with both of us expelled, I can guarantee you that.”

And there was another reason why that move wasn’t going to work, although Anakin didn’t want to say it out loud. He had a suspicion why the Council let him into the Order thirteen years ago, and it had nothing to do with honoring Qui-Gon’s last wish.

They only let him join the Order because of the prophecy. Because they needed him to kill Sidious. But now that he’d done it… they had no reason to keep him around anymore.

Obi-Wan smirked a little. “Relax, Anakin. No, that’s not my plan. I don’t think any threats will be necessary this time.”

“Then what _is_ your plan? I hope you’re not planning to reason with them. Yoda, Windu and the others who want to expel me… they’ve already made their decision. Just like they had at Ahsoka’s trial. No one can change their minds, not even you.”

“I wasn’t planning on reasoning with them, either.”

“Then what are you going to _do_?”

“Well, I could tell you… but where would be the fun in that?”

* * *

This time, it was Anakin who woke up to someone shaking him. He opened his eyes, finding himself slumped in his chair. The sky behind the window was a lighter blue now, a sign of an approaching dawn. The ward wasn’t so quiet anymore. He could hear multiple sets of footsteps in the distance. Uh-oh.

“Anakin, I’m sorry, but you have to leave,”Obi-Wan whispered urgently. “The morning rounds are about to begin. If you _she_ finds out that you were here without her permission—”

Too late. Before Obi-Wan could even finish that sentence, the door opened and one of the younger Healers—a dark-haired Human girl about Anakin’s age—walked in.

“Good morning, Master Kenobi,” she said, beaming brightly. “I’m sorry if I woke you up. This will only take a min— _What the hell are_ you _doing here?!_ ”

Anakin reacted without thinking. “It’s all right,” he said, waving his hand in front of her face. “I’m not here.”

The Healer blinked. “It’s all right,” she repeated blankly. “You’re not here.”

She quickly did what she came here to do—measure Obi-Wan’s temperature and change two of the IV bags which were empty—and left.

Anakin and Obi-Wan waited until she was a safe distance away, and burst out laughing at the same time.

“Holy kriff, I can’t believe that actually worked,” Obi-Wan said, wheezing with laughter. Doing a successful mind trick on a Jedi was almost impossible.

“I think I surprised her, that’s the only reason it worked. She didn’t see it coming. But also, I _am_ the Chosen One, and the most powerful Jedi who ever lived, so…”

“Of course,” Obi-Wan said, rolling his eyes, but he was smiling a bit, too.

* * *

“All right,” Obi-Wan said, reaching for his comlink. “Let’s get this over with.”

“You can’t call them right now. The daily Council meeting just started a few minutes ago—”

“Exactly. That means that all of them are present.”

Anakin stared at him, horrified. “ _No_ . You _can’t_. Master, if you interrupt them in the middle of a meeting, it will only make things worse. I’ll lose even the little bit of their sympathy I still had.”

The corner of Obi-Wan’s mouth twitched. “I should be insulted, Anakin. You really don’t trust me at all, do you?”

“I trust you with my _life_ , you know that, but…”

Anakin trailed off in resignation as Obi-Wan grabbed the comlink and tapped in the Council’s number.

“Now, watch and learn, Padawan.”

Anakin buried his face in his hands. He still had no idea what his former Master’s plan was, or if he even _had_ one at all. This was either going to go very well—which Anakin seriously doubted—or very, very wrong.

A small hologram of the Council members appeared above Obi-Wan’s palm.

“Master Kenobi,” Mace Windu greeted him coldly. “As you may or may not have noticed, we are in the middle of a session right now. I’m afraid that whatever you want will have to wait.”

Anakin stared at him, stunned. Until only a year or two ago, Obi-Wan and Master Windu used to be pretty good friends. Things between them got much colder after Ahsoka’s unfair expulsion and Windu’s fake ‘apology’ to her, which wasn’t really an apology at all. But still, Anakin had no idea that it was _this_ bad.

Obi-Wan’s polite smile slowly faded away.

“Very well, Mace. I was planning to be polite, but I’ll admit that I’m a bit relieved that I don’t have to. Don’t worry, this will only take a few minutes. I heard that the Council is attempting to expel my former Padawan from the Order. Pardon my language, but what the...”

The word that followed was so profane that even Anakin winced.

Anakin’s shoulders slumped in defeat. _That’s it. I’m done for._

Mace Windu frowned. “Knight Skywalker has broken the most sacred part of the Jedi Code and lied about it for years. Just because you’ve been far too lax with his training doesn’t mean that _we’re_ going to be.”

“He also discovered the identity of Darth Sidious when the entire Jedi Council didn’t. Not even _you_ , Mace. _And_ he defeated that monster in combat when, again, eleven much more experienced Masters could not. Have you read Bail Organa’s investigation reports about Palpatine? I have. He’d been controlling both sides of the war, since the very beginning. _Trillions_ of beings had died because of him. And only the Force knows how much longer the war would have continued if not for Anakin.”

Obi-Wan had to take a few seconds to catch his breath. Anakin gave him a worried glance, but he only shook his head and continued.

“Not to mention, the inhibitor chips. I’ve read _that_ report, too. About the orders recorded in them. Mace, he was planning to _kill_ us, every single one of us. Anakin’s actions saved us from that, too. And this is how you thank him for that? By expelling him from the Order, just like you have done to his Padawan?”

There was a long, uncomfortable silence.

“Very well, then,” Windu said finally, his voice dangerously low. “Let’s settle the matter right now.”

Anakin didn’t like the expression on his face at all. It looked almost like cruel satisfaction. Windu had wanted Anakin out of the Order since day one.

“Do you have anything to say in your defense, Skywalker?”

Anakin didn’t, not really. Everything they accused him of was true. But he was going to try his best anyway. It was his only chance.

But Obi-Wan spoke first.

“And what would be the point in that? Look, I’m not stupid. You weren’t planning to listen to anything Anakin had to say anyway. You’ve all already made your decision, haven’t you? This meeting is just a formality, just like it was with Padawan Tano. So why don’t we all save time and move straight to the voting?”

Anakin gave him a panicked look. _What the kriff are you doing? Are you_ trying _to get me expelled?_

Obi-Wan only shook his head slightly. _Trust me_ , he mouthed.

The voting went exactly as Anakin had predicted. Mace Windu, Master Yoda and four others voted to expel him; Obi-Wan, Plo Koon and the remaining four Masters voted to let him stay.

“Very well,” Master Yoda said. “Six Masters, for you voted, and six against you, Skywalker. Up to me, the decision now is. Great service, you have done, for the Republic. But equally serious, your transgressions are. Allow them to go unpunished, this Council can not. A dangerous example, this would set.”

Master Yoda sighed. There was a hint of something in his eyes. Almost like regret, and understanding… But not enough to change his mind.

“Made our decision, the Council has, Skywalker. Hereby, expelled you are, from the—”

Obi-Wan cleared his throat. “Excuse me, Master Yoda. But shouldn’t you allow _all_ Council members to vote before making the verdict?”

There was a long, confused silence, and then…

_Oh, Force._

Anakin’s heart stopped.

_I’m still technically a Council member._

And there it was. The solution, as simple and brilliant as that.

_Holy kriff. I…_

_I completely forgot about that._

Judging from the stunned expressions of the other Council members, they completely forgot about it, too. Anakin had stopped showing up to the Council meetings after he killed Palpatine.

After all, he’d been elected on the Council as the Chancellor’s personal representative. He assumed that he’d been fired as soon as he killed Palpatine. But it was true that they never _officially_ expelled him from the Council…

Of course, Mace Windu refused to accept defeat that easily.

“This is ridiculous,” he said icily. “We didn’t have the time to officially expel him because we were busy with some _slightly_ more important matters, such as ending the war and dealing with some Separatist factions which ignored the official surrender. But Knight Skywalker lost his right to be on this Council when he killed the Chancellor. It also doesn’t make sense to allow him to vote on his own expulsion—”

“Oh, but I wasn’t talking about logic,” Obi-Wan interrupted him, smirking.

“I was talking about the rules, Mace. Which are not always logical, are they? So, are there any actual rules that would prevent Anakin from voting? Actually, that was just a rhetorical question, because I know that there are not.”

It took all of Anakin’s self-discipline to keep himself from grinning like an idiot. The expressions on the Council member’s faces were just too funny. Plo Koon was smirking under his mask, Yoda was frowning disapprovingly, and Windu looked like he was about to explode.

“Very well, Skywalker,” Windu said through gritted teeth. “You may cast your vote.”

Anakin had to bite his tongue to keep himself from smiling. “I wish to remain in the Order.”

Mace Windu made a face as if he just bit into something extremely foul and disgusting, something you might find stuck to the bottom of your boot.

“Congratulations, Skywalker. The majority of Council has voted in your favor. You are allowed to remain in the Order.”

Anakin could no longer contain his smile. “Thank you, Masters.”

Master Windu looked like he was about to kill both Anakin and Obi-Wan with his bare hands.

Two more votes quickly followed: a vote to expel Anakin from the Council, which he lost almost unanimously, and a vote to grant him the title of Master, which he also lost, although by a much narrower margin.

Anakin couldn’t care less. Jedi Master… it was only a stupid title, nothing more.

And he was genuinely glad to no longer be on the Council. He had only attended about three or four meetings during his short stint as Palpatine’s representative, but even that had been more than enough for him. All those meetings and discussions had been physically, _painfully_ boring. He had no idea how Obi-Wan could stand it.

“Oh, and one more thing,” Obi-Wan said, with a small smile. “I’m afraid I won’t be cleared for duty for quite some time. At least a few months, perhaps even up to a year. So I want to wish you the best of luck, _Master Windu_ . I can’t even _imagine_ how busy you must be right now.”

And he ended the call without waiting for a response.

For a long moment, Anakin just stared at him, absolutely stunned. And then he just started laughing hysterically.

“Holy kriff, Master,” Anakin said, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. “That was… that was kriffing _amazing_. Did you see that look on his face? He looked like he wanted to strangle you with his bare hands. Thank you, thank you, thank you…”

Obi-Wan smiled gently. “You don’t need to thank me, Anakin. That’s my job, remember? Getting you out of trouble.”

* * *

Obi-Wan stirred in his sleep, rolling over to his side. As he did, something caught Anakin’s attention. A corner of something small and white, sticking from under his pillow. Anakin checked if his former Master was still deep asleep—he was—and pulled the object out. It was a small, neatly folded sheet of flimsiplast.

Anakin took a deep, shaky breath, and unfolded the flimsi with trembling fingers.

 _Dear Anakin,_ the letter said. The writing was a bit shaky and difficult to read, very different from his Master’s usual neat handwriting. He still hadn’t regained complete control of his fingers after spending such a long time in a coma.

_I’m terribly sorry about the way I treated you when we last spoke. It was unfair, and unspeakably cruel. I didn’t mean the things I said to you, not a single word of it. I was angry when I said those things, but not at you. Never you. More like at the universe in general. I’m sorry._

_Anakin, I’m so sorry for abandoning you like this. I can only hope that one day, you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me._

A few hot tears slowly rolled down Anakin’s cheek. He quickly wiped them away. Yes, this was exactly what he suspected it was.

_I leave all of my things to you, although I’m afraid that there’s not much worth keeping. Perhaps the river stone Qui-Gon once gave me, and his old lightsaber. And my lightsaber too, since I noticed that you still haven’t constructed yours yet._

Anakin chuckled, half a laugh, half a sob. Of course. Of course that his former Master would still snark at him, even in that situation.

The next section was circled, with “ _For the Council_ ” scrawled next to it.

_As a rightful member of the Council, it is my wish to vote against Anakin’s expulsion from the Order. You did honor Qui-Gon’s last wish, hopefully you’ll honor mine as well._

The rest of the letter was addressed to Anakin again.

_Anakin, you can still win your trial. This is how. There are not twelve members of the Council. There are thirteen. You’re still a Council member, too. The deciding vote is not Yoda’s; it’s yours. Come on, did you really think that I was going to let them kick you out?_

Anakin winced. If his former Master had planned things out this carefully, to the point of leaving a letter with instructions somewhere where it would be quickly found… it was a confirmation of how serious he had been about planning to take his life.

Anakin reached the closing part of the letter, his hands shaking so badly that it made reading difficult.

_May the Force be with you. Always._

_O.W.K._

_P.S. Once again, I’m so sorry for how I treated you the last time we met._

The last line of the letter was even more difficult to read, as if it were written in a hurry. Anakin could barely decipher it.

_P.P.S. Screw it. I can’t apologize to you in a kriffing letter. I’m going to give you a call._

The letter ended there.

Anakin wiped the tears from his eyes, carefully re-folded the letter and stuffed it in his pocket. Reading it was extremely painful, but it was probably better that he was the one to find it. If it had been someone else, all hell would have broken loose.

* * *

**_Several days later._ **

It took Obi-Wan only about ten minutes to sum up what his nightmares were about, but by the time he finished, his throat hurt as if he had been talking for hours.

For a few moments, Anakin just stared at him. He looked horrified.

“Holy _kriff_ ,” Anakin whispered when he finally managed to speak. “That’s… that’s _horrifying_ . You thought that everything was all right again, for a _whole year_ , only to realize that it was all just a dream? And then you thought that you _died_? That’s… holy kriff, I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine.”

“It wasn’t _that_ bad,” Obi-Wan disagreed quickly, already regretting it. He shouldn’t have said anything. As if Anakin didn’t have enough to deal with already.

Anakin rolled his eyes. “Yes, it was. It sounds like absolute torture. And now… that voice still doesn’t leave you alone, does it? Every time you have that nightmare, it keeps trying to convince you that you don’t know what’s real anymore. Is that what’s happening?”

“Yes,” Obi-Wan said, looking at the floor. “When I’m awake, I know that it’s not true. But while I’m asleep… well, my brain isn’t able to think that clearly. I fall for it, every single time. I start thinking that _all_ of it was just a dream, and I’m about to wake up in Palpatine’s office. And die.”

“I’m so sorry,” Anakin mumbled, not knowing what to say. “Is… is there anything I can do to help you?”

To his surprise, Obi-Wan gave him a small smile. “You already are, Anakin. Perhaps you were right. It does help, a little. Not having to deal with it alone.”

There was a long silence.

“One more thing,” Anakin said finally. “Your dream was wrong, you know. I was never planning to leave the Order. Not even while Padme was still alive. Yes, I said that I disagreed with the Council’s view on attachments; but I was never going to leave the Order over it. I might disagree with some things, but the Temple _is_ my home. Also… it broke my heart when Ahsoka left. I couldn’t do the same thing to you. I hope you know that.”

Obi-Wan smiled a little. “I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, comments and bits of constructive criticism are most welcome! :)


	16. Good and Bad Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two days in Obi-Wan’s and Anakin’s long road to recovery. Anakin finally constructs a new lightsaber, Obi-Wan gets dragged into the Room of Thousand Fountains against his will, Anakin gets scared of a mouse, and there are ridiculous levels of angst and fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I'm SO sorry for the delay. But the rest of this story is already 99% finished, so I promise that there won't be any more delays.

* * *

_“There, peeping among the cloud-wrack above a dark tor high up in the mountains, Sam saw a white star twinkle for a while. The beauty of it smote his heart, as he looked up out of the forsaken land, and hope returned to him. For like a shaft, clear and cold, the thought pierced him that in the end the Shadow was only a small and passing thing: there was light and high beauty for ever beyond its reach.”_

_―_ _J.R.R. Tolkien,_ _The Return of the King_

* * *

**_Eight months after the end of the Clone Wars._ **

“I’m back,” Anakin announced cheerily, plopping down on the chair next to Obi-Wan’s bed.

“I’m glad to hear that. How did the trip go?”

“Pretty well, actually.” Anakin unclipped the brand-new lightsaber from his belt and handed it to his former Master. His three-day trip to Ilum to get a new lightsaber crystal had been a success.

Obi-Wan carefully turned the weapon over in his hands, critically examining it. It looked very similar to Anakin’s old lightsaber, with only some very minor changes to make it fit his grip better.

“Looks good,” Obi-Wan said with a small smile and handed the weapon back. “Although, as your former Master, it’s my duty to point out that the welds on this side could have been a little bit smoother…”

Anakin rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. “As your former Padawan, it’s my duty to say… shut up.” He clipped the lightsaber back to his belt. “How did the physical therapy go today?”

 _Oh, no._ Anakin instantly regretted asking that. All traces of good mood disappeared from Obi-Wan’s face instantly.

“Oh, the usual,” Obi-Wan said. He couldn’t quite hide the trace of bitterness in his voice. “I got up—well, I didn’t, somebody had to _help_ me get up—then I took two or three steps, crashed to the ground, and repeated the whole process for an hour.”

Anakin winced. While Obi-Wan’s nightmares had finally stopped, his physical recovery was going a lot slower than either of them expected. And he wasn’t taking that too well.

There were good and bad days. On good days, everything was almost back to normal again. They could spend hours just talking, laughing, meditating, and watching holomovies.

On bad days, there wasn’t much talking. Obi-Wan would mostly just stare at nothing with that dead look in his eyes, as if there was nothing in the whole galaxy that mattered to him anymore. And there was nothing Anakin could do to help.

Thankfully, his former Master never came close to hurting himself again, but still, it was heartbreaking to watch. Sometimes, Anakin would almost wish Darth Sidious was still alive, just so Anakin could kill him for what he had done, slowly and painfully.

This was one of the bad days.

Anakin decided to change the topic to something a bit less painful. “Maybe we could go to the Room of Thousand Fountains today. You love that place, or at least you used to. Or that small garden right here in the Halls of Healing. What do you think?”

Obi-Wan shook his head. “I’m sorry. I’m not really feeling up to it today. Maybe another time.”

Anakin’s shoulders slumped in defeat. “You’ve been saying that for the past two months.” 

Then he sighed. “Look, I’ll be brutally honest here. You look _awful_. You barely eat, and you look absolutely miserable most of the time, even though you keep trying to hide it. I’m just worried about you. All right?”

Obi-Wan gave him a bitter look. “And you think… what? That forcing me to stare at some plants for an hour will magically make me all better?”

Obi-Wan instantly regretted saying that when he saw Anakin’s shocked and hurt expression. “I’m so sorry, Anakin. Forgive me. That was uncalled for, and cruel. I know that you’re only trying to help me. And I appreciate that, I really do. But I wish it was that simple.”

Not to mention that in order to _get_ to Room of Thousand Fountains, he would have to use a hoverchair, since he couldn’t exactly walk there. And he could already imagine all of those pitiful stares from the passing Jedi.

He _hated_ being pitied.

Jedi weren’t supposed to hate anything, but he’d never been too good at being one, anyway. Qui-Gon had sensed that when he made the decision to send him away to AgriCorps instead of taking him as his Padawan. He had changed his mind later, but he shouldn’t have. If Obi-Wan had lived out his life in the AgriCorps, a lot of death and suffering would have been avoided.

Qui-Gon would have trained a different Padawan, perhaps one skilled enough to help him defeat Maul in that fight on Naboo. He would be still alive. Satine would also be alive, and so would countless other people. And Anakin would have Qui-Gon to turn to and help him out with the twins. He wouldn’t have to deal with… with all of _this_.

* * *

When Anakin came to see Obi-Wan the next day, he didn’t come alone. Master Che was trailing after him, frowning. Obi-Wan didn’t have to guess why she was there. She was dragging a hover chair behind her.

Obi-Wan gave Anakin a withering look. “Seriously, Anakin? You told her to _force_ me to go to the gardens? That’s a low blow, even for you.”

“Skywalker didn’t tell me to do anything,” Master Che said with a frown. “But he’s worried about you, and so am I. You would be surprised what a bit of fresh air can do for you. You _will_ accompany Skywalker to the Room of Thousand Fountains today, and stay there for at least an hour.”

Obi-Wan bristled. “The last time I checked, this was a Healer’s Ward, not a penitentiary. You can’t force me to go.”

“No,” Master Che admitted. “But I _can_ blackmail you until you change your mind.”

Unfortunately, that was true. Since he was still stuck here, he was pretty much at the mercy of the Healers. She could restrict his visits, make him eat nothing but pureed food for the next week, move his physical therapy to six in the morning, or find some other way to torment him. And Obi-Wan knew her well enough to know that she wasn’t bluffing.

“Fine,” he grumbled, defeated.

Master Che pushed the hoverchair as close to his bed as it could go, and helped him disconnect the sensors and the single IV attached to his left arm. She held out a hand to help him get up, but Obi-Wan pointedly ignored it and instead moved to the hoverchair by himself, using mostly his arms and a bit of help from the Force.

“All right,” Master Che said. “You will stay in the Room of Thousand Fountains for an hour or two, that’s up to you. No more than two hours, for now. If I see either of you return before one hour is up, you’re going to regret it.”

Obi-Wan didn’t bother with a response. He couldn’t think of a civil one, anyway.

* * *

Their way to the Room of Thousand Fountains was silent and unpleasant. Obi-Wan kept his expression blank and neutral, but he could feel his cheeks burning with embarrassment as they passed some Jedi on the way. He intentionally avoided making eye contact, since he didn’t want to see the expression of pity on their faces. But it was surely there.

* * *

The Room of a Thousand Fountains was beautiful. It used to be Obi-Wan’s favorite place in the Jedi Temple, perhaps even on the entire planet. Stepping into the vast room hidden in the very heart of the Temple was like stepping into another world.

Now, he couldn’t care less. He just wanted this exercise in futility to be over as quickly as possible.

The ground here wasn’t made of cold durasteel, but it was covered with grass, moss, soil, and rocks. There weren’t actually a thousand fountains, of course, but there were dozens of them, each of them of a different size and shape.

There were thousands of different kinds of plants growing in the room, from all corners of the galaxy. Ancient trees with gnarled trunks and unusually colored leaves, thick bushes and shiny mushrooms, tall grasses which glowed in the dark, and countless other plants with colorful, curiously shaped flowers.

There were countless small ponds, but also a giant lake with a waterfall, large enough to swim in. There were rocks of all sizes scattered across the room, ranging from small pebbles to boulders the size of small ships. There were cliffs, lazily flowing creeks and several waterfalls, glittering in the warm rays of sunlight pouring in through the enormous skylights.

The ponds and creeks were full of countless aquatic and amphibious creatures living in them. There were birds flying near the transparisteel ceiling and large colorful butterflies fluttering in the flowers, and there were small furry creatures living in the trees and roaming in the tall grasses. Sometimes, if you managed to sit very still for a long time, they would even come to you and curiously sniff the hem of your sleeve.

They stopped by the roots of a giant wroshyr tree, perhaps even older than Master Yoda. Its trunk was at least three meters thick.

Anakin held out his hand to help him stand up from the hoverchair, but Obi-Wan slapped his hand away. Seeing the hurt expression on Anakin’s face did give him a bit of cruel satisfaction.

Obi-Wan limped to the base of the tree and sat down with his back leaning against the trunk. It was more of a controlled fall than sitting down, and the impact sent a jolt of electrifying pain through his spine and legs. But he wasn’t about to let Anakin notice that. 

Anakin sat down next to him and leaned against the tree.

“How long do I have to sit here?” Obi-Wan asked in a resigned tone. “An hour? Two?”

Anakin winced. “I’m so sorry, Master. This wasn’t… it wasn’t meant as a punishment. I just thought… You used to love this place when I was your Padawan. I thought that perhaps being here would help you feel a bit better. But I was wrong. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have dragged you here. I’m afraid that Master Che won’t let you back into the Healer’s Ward for an hour, but we could wait it out in my quarters, if you prefer that. Or in yours.”

Obi-Wan shook his head. “No.”

Both of their quarters were on the other side of the Temple. And standing up, limping back to the hoverchair and driving all the way there was more work than he had energy for right now.

Anakin nodded. “All right.”

Obi-Wan closed his eyes, willing the time to go faster. This hour was going to be _endless_. It would pass faster if he managed to meditate, but he wasn’t capable of that right now. Meditation required a peaceful mind, and he was just too angry and annoyed right now.

There was plenty of shame and guilt, too. Anakin was only trying to help, he could sense that. But instead of being grateful, or at least pretending to, Obi-Wan was treating him terribly. Again.

The bright sun shone red through his closed eyelids, and the air smelled of moss, grass and that strangely pleasant smell that comes just after a rain. It could rain in here, too, from the countless small nozzles embedded in the rafters. There were even speakers in the walls to simulate thunder, and some lamps to create a lightning-like flash. But those systems weren’t active right now.

The air was filled with countless sounds. Birdsong, the distant roar of the waterfall, the trees swaying in the artificial breeze, the buzz of insects, the soft rustle of unseen small creatures running through the nearby tufts of tall grass, and the distant shouts of some Padawans who were swimming in the lake.

It reminded him of the times when Anakin was still his Padawan, and Obi-Wan would often take him to these gardens to practice his meditation. Anakin used to hate meditation, or having to sit still for long periods of time.

Right now, Obi-Wan wished his younger self understood how insignificant those problems were, in the greater scheme of things. Compared to what came after. The war, the horrors, the deaths. He would give anything to go back ten years, or even five. But he couldn’t. Those times were gone and could never come back.

Oh, _great_ …

For some reason, that memory made a lump appear in his throat and tears slowly started welling up in the corners of his eyes. He tried to hold them back, but he couldn’t. His body betrayed him once again, as usual.

Suddenly, Anakin’s arms were wrapping around him. “It’s all right,” Anakin said softly, rubbing his back. His voice was so sad. “Everything’s all right. Sssh. It’s going to be all right, I promise...” His voice broke. 

A part of Obi-Wan wanted to push him away, but he couldn’t. Anakin sounded as miserable as Obi-Wan felt. Obi-Wan wrapped his arms around Anakin, returning the gesture. He wiped off the tears with his sleeve, but more kept coming.

“Forgive me,” Anakin said, very quietly. “I shouldn’t have dragged you here. I thought it would help, but I only made things even worse for you. I’m so sorry.”

“No need to apologize. You meant well.”

They sat completely still for a long time, until the tears finally stopped falling and the quiet, shaky sobs finally ceased.

 _Well, that was embarrassing,_ Obi-Wan though, wiping his face dry with his sleeve. That was the _fourth_ time in his life that Anakin had seen him completely break down. The first time was shortly after Qui-Gon’s death, the second time was a few days after Satine’s, then there was that unpleasant night four months ago, and now this. He vowed to never let it happen again.

But surprisingly, he did feel a bit better than before. The pain, anger and bitterness was gone, at least for a moment, leaving behind only peace. He didn’t feel happy, not really, but it was still better than before.

“Thank you,” Obi-Wan whispered quietly. He opened his eyes and gave Anakin a small smile. “For dragging me here. You were right, Anakin. I _am_ feeling a bit better now, surprisingly. It seems that I still have much to learn after all.”

Anakin smiled a bit. “I’m glad to hear that.”

“And I apologize for acting like an ill-tempered child today. And yesterday.”

Anakin chuckled. “Relax, Master. I have two eight month old kids. I don’t think there’s _anything_ that can phase me anymore.”

“Just wait until they’re a bit older. If they’re anything like you, you’re not in for a good time, trust me.”

Anakin rolled his eyes, but he was smiling a bit, too. “Sarcasm and thinly veiled insults. Typical.”

They sat without talking for a long time, watching the swaying leaves of the trees, the Padawans playing in the lake, and the waterfall glittering in the light pouring in through the enormous skylights.

Suddenly, Anakin froze, staring at the tuft of tall grass a few meters from them. “There’s something there,” he whispered nervously.

“What?”

“There, in the tall grass. Some kind of an animal. It’s staring at me.”

Obi-Wan looked in the direction Anakin was pointing. There was indeed a pair of small, beady eyes staring at them from the tall grass. The rest of the creature’s body was hidden by the grass.

Obi-Wan went pale. “Oh, no.”

“Oh no what?”

“We should probably move. I think it’s an Alderaanian giant rat. They’re known to be quite territorial, and their fangs are a bit, well…”

“A bit what?!”

“Venomous.”

Anakin stared at him, wide-eyed. “You’re kidding, right?”

Obi-Wan smiled faintly. “Yes, I’m kidding, Anakin. It’s a _mouse_. There are no dangerous animals in these gardens. And there’s no such thing as an Alderaanian giant rat, anyway.”

The mouse gave a small squeak and disappeared in the tall grass.

“You should be ready to run, though,” Obi-Wan said, still smiling a bit. “It might come back with reinforcements and devour you.”

Anakin smirked, too. “I’m not the one who will get eaten alive, Master.”

“No? And why not?”

“Because I don’t have to outrun them. I only have to outrun _you_. Which shouldn’t be too difficult.”

Anakin froze, instantly regretting saying something like that, but Obi-Wan didn’t seem to have taken any offense. “Oh, that’s just cold,” he said with a small chuckle.

Anakin smiled. Good and bad days. The bad ones were hard, but the good ones… he wouldn’t exchange them for anything in the whole galaxy.

* * *

All too soon, it was time to go. The two hours were almost up. Anakin wrapped his arms around Obi-Wan’s shoulders and helped him get up, supporting most of his weight. Then he helped him limp to the hoverchair and sit down. Obi-Wan had to admit that the process _was_ a lot easier when you allowed someone to help you up.

“Could we come here tomorrow again?” Anakin asked as they headed towards the exit.

“Of course. But you don’t have to tag along, Anakin. I know that you’ve never been a great fan of this place.”

“True,” Anakin admitted. “I always kind of hated these gardens as a Padawan. I found them boring. You always made me meditate when you dragged me here. I would rather spend my time disassembling something or beating the kriff out of people with my lightsaber. But now… I don’t mind this place. I’m starting to understand why you like it so much. It’s quite peaceful in here.”

Anakin smirked. “I guess that this means I’m getting as old and boring as you.”

Obi-Wan smiled faintly. “You’re only twenty-three, Anakin.”

“Exactly! That makes it even worse.”

They both chuckled at the same time.

“We could grab some normal food from the cafeteria on our way back,” Anakin suggested as they stopped in front of the turbolifts. “I can imagine that that hospital slop doesn’t taste too great.”

“No, it really doesn’t. Good idea.”

There was a brief, comfortable silence as they waited for a turbolift to arrive.

“Anakin?”

“What?”

“Thank you.”

Anakin smiled, squeezing his shoulder lightly. “Any time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please please leave a review on your way out! :)
> 
> Also, just some quick news, I'm writing a new fic! It's titled The Business on Cato Neimoidia. Guess what it's about ;) If you like Anakin, Obi-Wan, twists and ridiculous amounts of angst and fluff, check it out :)


	17. Thunderstorms and Bedtime Stories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of angst, fluff, and one year old Luke and Leia being cute as hell.

**_One year after the end of the Clone Wars._ **

The weather behind the windows of their quarters was abysmal. Driving rain pounded against the windows so hard you could barely see anything but dull greyness outside, and the temperature had dropped ten degrees below what was usual. Blinding flashes of lightning illuminated the room every so often, immediately followed by ear-splittingly loud thunder.

This weather was unusual for Coruscant. As a weather-controlled planet, it was known for its clear skies and pleasant temperature all year round.

However, the powerful weather control stations were set to make it rain every two weeks to clear the air from pollution. Of course, the rain was carefully scheduled to always begin at the same time, to the minute. You wouldn’t want to inconvenience anyone, after all. Especially since most Coruscant citizens drove open-cockpit speeders.

There was something strangely peaceful about sitting in the warmth of their shared quarters in the Temple, sipping warm tea, and watching all hell break loose outside.

Master Che had finally released Obi-Wan from the Healer’s Ward, on the condition that he would live in the same quarters as Anakin for the first few months, so that Anakin could help him out with cleaning, cooking, or picking him up from the floor whenever he tripped and couldn’t get back up by himself.

 _Mostly that last part,_ Obi-Wan thought ruefully. While he could now walk short distances by himself, his knees would sometimes still give out under him with no warning.

Since Obi-Wan was there most of the day, he would often help entertain the twins or rock them to sleep to give Anakin a break, even though Anakin always told him that he didn’t have to.

Funnily enough, these were their _old_ quarters. The place they used to share when Anakin was Obi-Wan’s Padawan. Obi-Wan moved out after Anakin got Knighted, and Ahsoka moved into Obi-Wan’s old room just a few months after that. Now he was living in his old room again for a few months.

Sometimes, it almost felt like the last five years never happened. Like the war never started, and Anakin was still his Padawan. But things were better than they were then. Back then, they used to argue… well, a _lot_. Anakin was a headstrong teenager, and Obi-Wan wasn’t exactly the nicest person, either. But they had both matured a lot since then.

Right now, things were…

Pretty good, actually.

“I had the weirdest conversation with Master Yoda today,” Obi-Wan said after a long, comfortable silence. He kept his voice down, to avoid waking the twins napping the other room.

Anakin chuckled, putting his own mug down. “You mean, even weirder than usual?”

“Actually… yes. He told me that sometimes, when he was meditating, he could… he could hear Qui-Gon’s voice speaking to him. He said that Qui-Gon had discovered the path to immortality. Not physical immortality, obviously, but… that he had figured out how to retain his consciousness even after death. And… that perhaps in time, Yoda could teach _me_ how to communicate with him, too.”

Anakin gave him a doubtful look. “As wonderful as that would be, are you sure that he’s not, well… getting senile or something?”

Obi-Wan appeared thoughtful. “I don’t know what to think about it. I guess that we’ll have to wait and see.”

He stood up to put the empty mug in the sink. A few seconds later, there was a loud crash and a surprisingly profane curse. Anakin turned around to see Obi-Wan sprawled on the floor and shards of broken glass scattered everywhere. Well, at least it didn’t wake up the twins.

“Are you all right?!”

“I’m fine,” Obi-Wan mumbled, pushing himself to his knees. He sounded embarrassed and angry at himself. “Sorry. I just tripped.”

He pulled a dustpan to his hand and started dejectedly sweeping the broken pieces onto a pile. Anakin crouched next to him to help him clean up the mess, but Obi-Wan harshly slapped his hand away.

“I’ll do it myself, thank you,” he barked out, his voice unexpectedly cold. “I’m not a helpless cripple, Anakin. My arms still work fine, even if my legs don’t.”

“I never said you were. I just… never mind. I’m sorry.”

Then he noticed that Obi-Wan was only using his left hand to clean up the broken shards. He kept his right clenched into a fist. A bit of blood was slowly beginning to trickle through his fingers. He must have cut his hand when he fell.

“Master, stop. You’re bleeding.”

Obi-Wan stopped. He sat on his heels, his shoulders slumped in complete defeat.

“Look, I know that you _can_ treat that cut yourself,” Anakin said gently. “But it would take a while to do it with one hand. It would be much faster if I helped you. May I?”

“Fine,” Obi-Wan said bitterly. “Do your worst.”

Anakin winced. That was not exactly the answer he was hoping for.

Anakin slipped his arm under Obi-Wan’s shoulders and helped him stand up. He had no problems standing up from a chair, but getting up from the floor was quite a bit harder. Anakin led him to the couch and made him sit down. He grabbed the first aid kit and gently pried Obi-Wan’s fingers open to have a look. The cut across his palm was fairly deep and bleeding profusely, but it was nothing serious.

Anakin cleaned up the blood, placed a small bacta patch on the cut, and wrapped several layers of gauze around Obi-Wan’s hand and wrist to keep it in place. The whole process took no more than two minutes.

“Done,” Anakin announced.

“Thank you,” Obi-Wan said quietly, avoiding his eyes. He pulled his hand out of Anakin’s grip, a bit too quickly. “I’m sorry, Anakin. I should be helping _you_ out, instead of the other way round.”

Anakin swept up the final pieces of broken glass from the floor and tossed them in the trash. Then he sighed. They’ve had this conversation many times before. “Look, you can’t—”

Before he could finish the sentence, a muffled cry came from the other room. _Kriff._ It seemed that the noise did wake the twins after all.

Anakin opened the door. Little Luke and Leia were sitting in their cribs, rubbing their eyes and whining from being woken from their nap. Anakin knew that he had mere moments before it turned into full-on screaming. He picked them both up and carried them to the couch. They still looked quite sleepy; hopefully, they would fall back asleep in a few minutes.

Anakin had always been amazed—and a bit disturbed—by how well his former Master could hide his emotions. This time was no exception. By the time Anakin returned with the twins, he already looked perfectly fine, he even smiled a little.

If Anakin hadn’t seen how miserable he looked just a few seconds ago, he would have never guessed that his smile wasn’t genuine. It was impressive, although a bit sad, too.

Luke crawled onto Obi-Wan’s lap and curled up in his arms comfortably, while Leia placed her head on Anakin’s shoulder. If there were no more loud noises, the both children should be asleep again in a few minutes.

“Ow,” Luke’s tiny voice said empathetically as he noticed the bandage on Obi-Wan’s hand.

It was his universal word for someone getting hurt, a broken toy, spilled food, a scratch on a wall, a hole in a sock, and generally anything being wrong.

“It’s all right, little one,” Obi-Wan murmured, stroking the little boy’s soft hair. “I just fell and hurt myself a bit. But I’m all right now.”

Luke’s tiny fingers gently patted the back of Obi-Wan’s hand, mimicking how Anakin would soothe Luke and Leia whenever they skinned their knee or bumped their head on something.

“Thank you,” Obi-Wan said with a smile. “It feels much better now.”

The unexpected gesture of kindness actually made Obi-Wan blink back tears for a second. The children, they were just… too pure, too innocent. Too kind for the harsh galaxy they were born into.

Leia’s large brown eyes looked at Obi-Wan, and then she tugged at Anakin’s right hand with a soft coo. Anakin smiled as he realized what she was trying to say. He wasn’t wearing his glove—he didn’t wear it much anymore—so his mechanical hand was clearly visible.

“That’s right,” Anakin said, smiling. “My hand got hurt once, too. A very bad man did it to me. His name was Dooku. He defeated us both, and if Master Yoda didn’t show up and help us, it would have ended badly. One day, when you’re older, I’ll tell you all about it. About the Sith, the Force, the clones, the war… about everything.”

Both Luke and Leia listened attentively, not wanting to miss a single word. The children loved to listen to his stories, even though they didn’t understand much of them yet.

Of course, for now, Anakin limited his stories to the harmless, innocent ones. How he won the podrace on Tatooine, how Padme once tricked Nute Gunray with her decoy, and other things like that.

There would be time for the other stories later, when they were much older. About why Luke and Leia didn’t have a mother, why Anakin still sometimes woke up screaming from nightmares about her death and the duel that had cost him his arm, or why Obi-Wan would sometimes refuse to play with them or even eat, and he would just sit very still and stare at nothing. 

_Those_ stories would have to wait until much, much later.

Leia let out an angry noise when she realized that Anakin wasn’t going to continue.

Anakin chuckled. “I said I’ll tell you when you’re bigger, Leia. Not right now.”

Leia voiced her disagreement in the usual, very effective way: she started to cry. Loudly. Luke quickly joined in, and Anakin winced. “All right, all right! I’ll tell you a story.”

The crying immediately stopped. Sneaky little rascals.

Anakin started talking again, telling them the story about how scared he was when he first saw a storm on Coruscant, the first thunderstorm he had seen in his life. How he thought that the world was ending, and how he ran and hid in the ‘fresher, since it was the only room with no windows he could find.

How it took Obi-Wan over an hour to convince him to open the door. How his then new Master sat there with him for hours, quietly explaining everything about storms, weather control stations, lightning, thunder, and the water cycle, until the storm passed.

Sometimes, Anakin would direct their attention to the storm raging outside right now, just for added effect. The children listened without making a peep, sleepily hanging on to his every word. In a few minutes, they were both fast asleep.

Anakin carried the twins back to their cribs and closed the door. Mission accomplished.

He found Obi-Wan sitting on the couch, with his knees drawn to his chin, staring at the rain pounding against the windows.

“You all right?”

“Of course I’m all right. It’s just a scratch.”

Anakin rolled his eyes. “Are you being intentionally obtuse? That’s not what I meant.”

“I’m fine,” came the usual answer.

 _I wonder why I even asked,_ Anakin thought sarcastically. He sat down and wrapped his arm against Obi-Wan’s shoulders. He didn’t really react, but didn’t shake his arm off, either.

And when his former Master smiled a little, it didn’t seem to be completely forced. A part of it was genuine, too. Maybe fifty percent. Perhaps it would be more someday. For now, it was enough.

They sat in a comfortable silence for a long time, watching as the driving rain pounded against the windows and the lightning cast flashes of fleeting light across the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One last chapter left (and I mean it this time :)! Please read & review!


	18. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conclusion of this story, told in short snippets. There’s tons of fluff, two very unexpected people show up, someone gets demoted, someone else gets promoted, and a lot of other things happen, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This final chapter is dedicated to FloatingFoxtrot, the best beta reader ever, and to all of you who left bookmarks, kudos, and comments. Thank you so much!

_“Everything will be all right in the end. If it’s not all right, it’s not the end.”_

— _Unknown_

* * *

**_One year and three months after the end of the Clone Wars._ **

Most training salles in the Temple were already occupied, but Obi-Wan managed to find a small one that was still empty. He wasn’t going to need much space, anyway.

It had taken him a very long time, but he finally recovered enough to do some lightsaber training again. He would probably need to change his fighting style to something more conservative—to put more power in his blocks and focus a bit more on the Force rather than speed and agility—but it was thousand times better than not being able to fight at all.

Obi-Wan activated one of those floating training remotes the Initiates used for practice, tossed it high in the air, and ignited his lightsaber.

It was a bit pathetic, to practice against something as easy as that. But he had to start somewhere, after all.

* * *

**_One year and four months after the end of the Clone Wars._ **

“We can switch if you want,” Anakin said to Obi-Wan who was sitting on the floor of Anakin’s quarters, playing with Luke and Leia. “Go take a break, Master. You’ve been playing with them for over two hours.”

“Oh, no, it’s all right. I find it quite enjoyable, actually.”

Anakin smiled. “You have the patience of a saint.”

“I know. I wouldn’t have survived training you if I didn’t.”

Anakin rolled his eyes. _Of course._ It wouldn’t be Obi-Wan if he didn’t snark at him all the time.

 _You would have been a great father,_ Anakin thought sadly. _If things had gone differently. If Satine was still alive._

But there was no point in wondering about what could have been. How things would have gone if Satine was still alive. Or Padme, Shmi, or Qui-Gon. It would only bring pain, nothing more.

But they owed it to their memories to do their best with their lives. To make sure life went on, no matter how great their losses.

Life wasn’t perfect, of course. Nothing ever was. But as Anakin looked at the sunlit living room, the toys scattered across the floor, and his former Master playing with Anakin’s children, with a wide smile on his face…

He couldn’t deny that things were pretty good.

* * *

**_One year and five months after the end of the Clone Wars._ **

Anakin was just doing minor repairs on his lightsaber when somebody rang the doorbell. Anakin got up, frowning. It couldn’t be Obi-Wan, since he knew the access code to the door.

And then… he sensed it. A presence he hadn’t felt in over a year, but one he could recognize anywhere.

He opened the door and… there she was. Dressed in a dark grey Mandalorian outfit, with two blue lightsabers clipped to her belt.

“Ahsoka,” Anakin breathed out.

“Hello, Anakin,” Ahsoka said, smiling a bit. “It’s been a while.”

They spent the next few hours just talking about everything that happened since they last met. They spoke regularly over the past year and a half, but only over hologram and never for too long, since Ahsoka was busy.

She had spent the last year and half on Mandalore, helping Bo-Katan fix the mess Maul had wrought during his brief rule. They were making good progress, but there was still a lot of work to be done.

After everything was said, there was a brief, comfortable silence, but Anakin could sense that there was something else. She wouldn’t have come all the way to Coruscant just to chat.

“There’s something I have to tell you, Master,” Ahsoka said finally, playing with her gauntlets nervously and avoiding his eyes.

“Something I’ve been thinking about for a long time. You were right, that night when I left the Order. It took me a long time to see it, but you were right. Leaving the Order… it was a mistake. The greatest mistake of my life. Helping Lady Bo-Katan with rebuilding Mandalore was rewarding, but… it’s not what I was meant to do. It’s not where I was meant to be. I have decided to rejoin the Order. If… well, if the Council lets me.”

Anakin gave her a small smile. “I think they will. If they allowed _me_ to stay in the Order after everything I’ve done, I don’t think you should have any issues.”

Ahsoka sighed, still not meeting his eyes. “And, Anakin… I know that I have no right to ask anything of you. Not after what I did to you. But… I would be very honored if you could take me back as your Padawan. I’ll understand if you say no,” Ahsoka added quickly. “I abandoned you. Without even saying goodbye. And you probably don’t have time now anyway, not with the children and all that. I just wanted to ask. Just in case.”

For a few seconds, Anakin was completely stunned, not knowing what to say.

He slowly reached into a drawer and pulled out a small ornate box. There were only four small objects in it; his most precious possessions. The japor snippet necklace he carved for Padme when he was nine and which she often wore until her death, Anakin’s old Padawan braid, the Force-sensitive river stone Obi-Wan gave him for his thirteenth birthday, and Ahsoka’s Padawan braid, made of thirteen round silka beads.

Anakin carefully removed her braid from the box, his fingers trembling a little. “May I?”

Ahsoka frowned, not understanding what he was asking. “May you… what?”

Anakin smiled. “I mean, may I clip this back on for you? Force, Ahsoka, of _course_ I want you back. Come on, did you really expect me to say no? Do you have any idea how much I missed you?”

Ahsoka stared at him, her eyes wide with surprise. She blinked a few times, suspiciously quickly, as if she was blinking back tears.

“I missed you too, Master,” she said quietly.

Then she smiled and turned her head to the left, allowing Anakin to clip her old Padawan braid behind her right head-tail.

* * *

**_One year and seven months after the end of the Clone Wars._ **

As Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Ahsoka walked down the Great Hall towards the training salles, they passed a very grumpy looking Mace Windu walking in the opposite direction. Ahsoka gave him a smile and a wave. Master Windu responded with a dirty glare.

Windu had been in a really bad mood for the past week, ever since he had lost his seat on the Council. Anakin couldn’t remember the _official_ reason for his expulsion, but he definitely knew the _un_ official one.

He was simply too much of a jerk even by the Council’s terrible standards.

* * *

**_Two years after the end of the Clone Wars._ **

Obi-Wan was sitting in the Room of Thousand Fountains, with his back leaning against the trunk of a large tree. He kept his eyes closed and his legs comfortably stretched out in front of him. It wasn’t the usual meditation pose, but his body couldn’t really handle that anymore. Sitting on his heels for more than ten minutes always left him with terrible pins and needles for hours.

Obi-Wan let out a resigned sigh and decided to give up for today. He’d been meditating for hours without making a single bit of progress.

But then, just a split second before he opened his eyes and started to get up… 

He sensed it. A presence in the Force, just the faintest, tiniest glimpse of it. Faint and blurry, like a half-forgotten memory.

It was a presence he hadn’t felt in fifteen years.

“Qui-Gon…?” Obi-Wan whispered, his voice trembling.

For a moment, there was no answer. And then… a voice. No, not quite; it wasn’t a sound. It was a thought, a feeling.

_I’m here._

That was it; then it was gone. The presence dissolved and drifted apart, like a wisp of smoke in the open air. The tenuous connection broke.

But that was all right. It was all right because every single word Yoda had told him was true. It was all right because he could try this again in a few days, and then again. Perhaps one day, he would learn to sustain the connection long enough to hear an entire sentence, or even two. Perhaps even to say something back.

Obi-Wan opened his eyes, surprised to find that his cheeks were wet with tears. He wiped them away and headed back to his own quarters, smiling.

* * *

**_Three years after the end of the Clone Wars._ **

The mock duel was brutal, merciless. The two opponents danced around each other, their blades flying through the air almost faster than the eye could follow. Their lightsabers were turned to the lowest setting, so they could only sting, but not cause any harm.

Two small children were watching the duel intently, clapping their small hands in excitement. A tall Togruta was sitting next to them, watching over them.

“Show-off,” Ahsoka muttered with a small eye roll, as Anakin made an unnecessary but flashy leap over Obi-Wan’s head, producing excited squeals from Luke and Leia.

Anakin immediately regretted doing that, since his former Master immediately used the opening and slashed at his legs while he was still upside-down in the air.

But Obi-Wan intentionally didn’t reach his blade far enough, only showing Anakin that he _could_ have won the duel right there and then. If he wanted to, which he didn’t. He was _toying_ with him. Kriffing unbelievable.

Anakin wiped his sweaty forehead with his sleeve, gave himself a few seconds to catch his breath, and attacked with a loud war cry.

After several minutes, Anakin managed to push Obi-Wan back and knock his saber out of his hand with a particularly vicious blow. But before he could make the winning strike, Obi-Wan twitched one finger, reaching through the Force to reverse the polarity of the electrodrivers in Anakin's mechanical hand. Durasteel fingers sprang open, and a lightsaber tumbled free.

“Hey! That’s cheating!”

“There’s no such thing as cheating in a fight.”

Anakin gave him his most evil smile. “Very well. I hope you realize that this means war.”

Anakin couldn’t do the same thing to him—well, he _could_ , but that would be just cruel—so instead he wrapped a thin tendril of Force around his former Master’s ankle and pulled. Obi-Wan stumbled, unable to regain his balance quite fast enough—a small, lingering effect of his injuries—and crashed to the ground.

Anakin pulled his lightsaber back to his hand and pointed the blade at Obi-Wan’s neck. “I win.”

_Finally. I lost the last three matches in a row._

“I don’t think so.” Obi-Wan said with a small smirk, pointing out where his hand was.

 _Oh, kriff._ He was already holding his own saber again, deactivated, but pointed at Anakin’s stomach. If it was a real fight, they would both be dead. Tie.

Anakin deactivated his lightsaber and held out his hand to help him get back up. As Obi-Wan climbed back to his feet, there was that small stumble again, barely noticeable.

Ninety-five percent. It was never going to be a hundred.

But even despite that, _and_ despite Anakin being younger, heavier, and physically stronger, his former Master still kept winning their duels with devastating regularity. Some things just never changed.

“You didn’t win,” Luke whined, disappointed.

“I’ll get him this time,” Anakin promised. “One more round, Master?”

“Very well.”

Obi-Wan activated his lightsaber and stood in his usual opening stance, smirking a little. “Although I’m afraid that you won’t win _this_ time, either.”

* * *

“All right,” Obi-Wan said, wiping his sweaty face with his sleeve, after the duel ended in yet another tie. “I think that’s enough for today. Everybody gets a quick shower and then we’ll get some lunch. Sounds good?”

“I agree,” Anakin mumbled as he took a few large gulps from a drinking fountain and splashed some of the blissfully cool water on his face. “I’m starving. What’s for lunch in the cafeteria today?”

“Nerf ribs, Adegan eels, and pickled giant Ithorian snails for us carnivores,” Ahsoka said. Since Togrutas were an exclusively carnivorous species, she ate different food than the rest of them. “For you lowly humans, I think it’s fried mynock wings with mashed tuber roots and meiloorun jelly.”

Anakin pulled a face. “That sounds disgusting. Can’t we go to Dex’s, at least this one time?”

“That’s disgusting,” Luke repeated excitedly.

“ _You’re_ disgusting,” Leia spat back, sticking out her tongue at him.

Obi-Wan let out an exasperated sigh. “Good job, Anakin.”

“Says the person who stubbed his toe yesterday and said a curse that would’ve made even a Hutt blush.”

Ahsoka regarded them with her arms folded and her head tilted to the side, smirking with amusement. “I’m _so_ glad that Jedi aren’t allowed to have children, Master. I mean, they’re extremely cute for a few hours, but I can’t imagine having to do this full-time.”

Anakin looked thoughtful. “Who knows. They did make an exception for me. Maybe one day, it will change for all of us.”

 _Yes,_ Obi-Wan thought. _And maybe it should._

Because, in the end, attachment, friendship, love, family… it didn’t cause Anakin to fall to the Dark Side. If anything, it saved him from it.

It was the reason Anakin came to Obi-Wan for advice when he started having visions about his wife’s death, and it was the reason Obi-Wan refused to go to Utapau, even when the Council urged him to. It was the reason Obi-Wan himself was still alive. And it was the reason Anakin had two wonderful children, who were as kind and powerful as their father and as beautiful and fierce as their mother.

Because, in the end, if the _attachment_ the Code vilified so much could make all of those things happen…

Then how could it possibly be bad?

* * *

**_Four years after the end of the Clone Wars._ **

The Council Chamber was almost completely dark, illuminated only by twelve ignited lightsabers of the Council members.

“Step forward, Padawan.”

As Ahsoka knelt before Master Yoda, he lowered his green blade above her right shoulder, then above her left, then her right again.

“Ahsoka Tano. By the right of the Council, by the will of the Force… dub thee I do, Jedi Knight of the Republic.”

After Master Yoda said the final words of the ancient proclamation, he cut off her Padawan braid with his lightsaber.

* * *

**_Four years and two months after the end of the Clone Wars._ **

The cruisers were fully loaded and ready to depart, just waiting for Ahsoka, Rex, and Cody to board. Both Commanders had their helmets painted orange and white, reminiscent of the white markings on their General’s forehead.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come with us, Master?” Ahsoka asked jokingly. “After all, this whole operation was your idea.”

She used the honorific not as a Padawan addressing her teacher, but as a Knight addressing a Jedi Master, which was what Anakin became when she was Knighted. Not that it really changed much. It was only a title, nothing more.

Anakin smiled. “I told you, it wasn’t just mine. And I’m afraid that Luke and Leia wouldn’t forgive me if I was gone for that long.”

His expression turned serious. “Please be careful, Ahsoka. And remember, if you need reinforcements, just call immediately. Obi-Wan or I can get there in less than two days.”

Ahsoka chuckled. “Don’t worry, Master. I defeated Maul when I was a Padawan. A bunch of fat Hutts are not going to be a problem.”

Ahsoka, Cody and Rex boarded the lead cruiser and the fleet lifted off into the air, heading towards Tatooine.

* * *

**_Seven years after the end of the Clone Wars._ **

Anakin finished checking Luke’s homework for today, and moved on to Leia’s. He sighed, scratching his forehead with his stylus. He didn’t remember having _this_ much homework as a Padawan.

Luke and Leia weren’t home at the moment; they were in the training salle, sparring with Ahsoka. The twins were seven now. In just a few years, they would be old enough to become Padawans, although he and Obi-Wan still hadn’t decided who was going to train whom. After Anakin jokingly suggested using rock paper scissors, Obi-Wan’s horrified look had him laughing hysterically for minutes.

Anakin’s comlink rang. Speak of the devil…

“Anakin, could you please meet me in the Council Room as soon as you can?” Obi-Wan asked.

“Sure.” Anakin frowned, a bit unnerved by the vague wording. “Is something wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong. Relax.”

Ten minutes later, Anakin found Obi-Wan sitting in his chair in the Council chamber, looking thoughtful. The other seats were empty. The other Council members had already left for the day.

“So, what’s the big rush?” Anakin asked, plopping down into the empty seat next to him.

“Master Yoda resigned from the Council today. He said that he was too old to lead the Order anymore. He decided to spend the last decades of his life teaching the youngest members of the Order.”

“Huh,” Anakin mumbled, genuinely surprised. “I’ll have to admit that he didn’t see _that_ coming. So who’s going to be the Grandmaster now?”

It took Anakin several seconds to realize that Obi-Wan didn’t answer, only smiled a little. It also took him as long to realize that his former Master wouldn’t call him here just to tell him about Yoda’s resignation.

“ _You_?” Anakin breathed out, the biggest smile spreading across his face. “Yoda chose you as his successor? Really?”

Obi-Wan chuckled. “Really. Trust me, I’m as surprised as you are.”

“Wow. Just wow. That’s… that’s amazing. Congratulations…”

“Thank you.”

“So,” Anakin said thoughtfully. “As the Grandmaster, you can suggest to change the rules now. Theoretically, if at least five other Council members agreed, you could even repeal the rule against marrying and having children.”

“True,” Obi-Wan admitted. “But I’m not going to.”

“What? Why not?” Anakin asked, disappointed. And then he guessed it. “Because… _you’ve already done it_ , haven’t you?”

Obi-Wan chuckled. “Of course I’ve already done it. The voting was very close, but the rule change passed. A few thousands of years late, in my opinion, but better late than never.”

Anakin’s head was spinning as he slowly began to fully realize the sheer enormity of what just happened. This… this was going to change _everything_.

“Come on,” Anakin said, smirking. “I think that deserves a celebration. With the twins and Ahsoka as well, of course. Dex’s?”

Obi-Wan smiled. “That’s what I was thinking.”

He stood up, stumbling a little. Anakin quickly jumped forward and caught him before he fell. He slipped his arms under Obi-Wan’s shoulders, supporting most of his weight.

“I’m all right,” Obi-Wan mumbled. “My legs just fell asleep a bit. I’ve been sitting down for too long. Just give me a minute.”

They stood completely still for a few minutes, watching the lights of thousands of passing vehicles slowly move across the darkening sky. At last, Obi-Wan slowly released his death-grip on Anakin’s shoulders and took a shaky step back.

“Better?”

“Yes. Thank you.” Obi-Wan stomped his feet against the floor to encourage the final few nerve endings to wake up again, and gave his former Padawan a small, rueful smile. “Sorry. I’m all right now. You know how it is. Ninety-five percent.”

“I know.” Anakin’s smile faded for a moment, but then it was back. “Come on. The twins and Ahsoka should be in the main training salle, I think. Let’s go pick them up.”

They walked out of the room side by side, shutting the lights off behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end!!! Holy crap, what a journey this was for me. Thank you so much for all of your faves, follows and amazing comments. Especially the comments. They were the best part.
> 
> The “reaching through the Force to reverse the polarity of the electrodrivers in Anakin's mechanical hand” part was borrowed straight from the ROTS novel by Matthew Stover. Obi-Wan did it to both Anakin and Grievous in the book. I also kind of borrowed a sentence from The Hunger Games: Mockingjay - Part 2 (the movie), Mockingjay (the book) and The Amber Spyglass. If you’re a fan, you can try and spot them :)
> 
> Also, that part when Obi-Wan slashes at Anakin’s legs during their practice duel… reminds you of something :)? (*cough* Mustafar *cough*)


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